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Yo Mama Jokes

Updated on March 1, 2015

Collection of the best Yo Mama Jokes

To cuss someones mother is one of the greatest sins is it not?.

It could also provide some of the funniest one liners and put downs you will find.

I have started my own collection of the funniest yo mama jokes for you to enjoy and will add to them as I find them. If you know of any funnier please feel free to post them in the guest book at the bottom of the page.


Yo Mama So Fat....

Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up

so fat that when she goes outside in her yellow jacket people say, 'Look it's the magic school bus!'

her nickname is "Lardo"

she eats Wheat Thicks.

were in her right now

fat people jog around her for exercise

she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors

you have to roll over twice to get off her...

she was floating in the ocean and spain claimed her for then new world

she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy

when you get on top of her your ears pop!

she goes to a resturant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"

she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

she got to iron her pants on the driveway

she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller

she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets

when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th

when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn"

Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"

fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

she fell in love and broke it.

when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.

when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

she's got her own area code!

she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!

God couldn't light Earth until she moved!

NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...

she's got Amtrak written on her leg.

even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!

so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the her good side!

she wakes up in sections!

when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.

she rolled over 4 quarters and it made a dollar!

when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

when she bunje jumps she goes straight to hell!

when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!

her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!

she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

that her senior pictures had to be arial views!

she's on both sides of the family!

everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

even her clothes have stretch marks!

she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!

she has to use a VCR as a beeper!

she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!

she got hit by a parked car!

hey have to grease the bath tub to get her out!

she has a run in her blue-jeans!

when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"

she got to iron her pants on the driveway!

she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller!

when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th

when she bungee jumps she pulls down the bridge too

she steps on a scale & it goes one at a time please

she fell in love and broke it!

she jumped up in the air and got stuck!

she fell in love and broke it.

when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping

when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.

when she back up she beep.

she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

she has to buy two airline tickets.

when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.

she influences the tides.

that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

she broke her leg and gravy fell out.

Yo mama so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.

she was baptized at Marine World.

Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!

when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.

the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her

she stands in two time zones.

I tried to drive around her and I ran out of gas.

she left the house in high heels and when she came back she had on flip flops.

shes on both sides of the family

you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through

when she goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

that she cant tie her own shoes.

sets off car alarms when she runs.

cant reach her back pocket.

when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back!

her college graduation picture was an airial.

she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water

she broke her leg and gravy poured out

she uses redwoods to pick her teeth

the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures

she jumped in the air and got stuck.

she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.

she sat on a dollar and squeezed a booger out George Washington's nose.

she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.

she uses a mattress for a tampon.

that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean.....

that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, she caused an eclipse.

she hoola-hooped the super bowl.

she was baptised in the ocean.

she has to iron her clothes in the driveway.

they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.

so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"

when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!

that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

when she has wants someone to shake her hand, she has to give directions!

Yo mama so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.

Yo Mama So stupid....

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes

when your dad said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a spoon

she told everyone that she was "illegitiment" because she couldn't read

that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind

she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

she could trip over a cordless phone!

she sold her car for gasoline money!

she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

she took a cup to see Juice.

that she sold the car for gas money.

she asked you "What is the number for 911"

she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."

she got stabbed in a shoot out.

she stole free bread.

she took a spoon to the superbowl.

she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

Yo mama so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.

when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

she jumped out the window and went up.

she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.

she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

that under "Education" on her job apllication, she put "Hooked on Phonics."

she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

put lipstick on her forehead, talking about she was trying to makeup her mind.

when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends

Yo mama so stupid she watches "The Three Stooges" and takes notes

Yo Mama So Ugly....

The word ugly didn't even exist till yo mama was born

when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours...for a quote!

that when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Mirror Mirror on the wall whose the ugliest of the all, YO MAMA

that she once took he dog to Crufts and WON - oh, the dog came second...

when she looks out the window and she gets arrested for mooning.

just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"

so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

hey pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

she made an onion cry.

they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower!

when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours. . .for a quote!

they put her in dough and made monster cookies!

she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

she looks out the window and gets arrested!

they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

gozimodo wouldn't date her!

for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

she turned Medusa to stone!

she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween!

the government moved Halloween to her birthday!

if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects!

they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints

she made an onion cry!

people go as her for Halloween.

that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

she scares the roaches away.

we have to tie a steak around your neck so the dog will play with her!

I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

she turned Medusa to Stone.

The NHL banned her for life

when she walks into the bank they turn off the CCTV cameras.

that when she threw a boomerang, it refused to come back.

so ugly, she won first place in the Wookie lookalike contest.

Yo mama's so insanely ugly that I can screw her in any position and it's still Doggy-style!

so ugly they put her in the Chimp enclosure to stop the Chimpanzee's from jerking off!

that her American Express card left home without her...

so god awful ugly that Durex want to use her as a poster child.

his hairline ain't receding...it's his hair that's running away from his ugly noggin.

that when he gets up in the mornin, the Sun goes down.

her Shrink makes her lie face down on the couch.

her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

Your Dog's so ugly as yo mama that I had to shave its arse and make it walk backwards...

that whenever she comes over and goes to your bathroom, the toilet flushes.

and finally

yo mama so ugly she manages to give Freddy Kreuger Nightmares!

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    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      your so fat when you stepped on the scales it said 1 at a time plz

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      what a great idea for a lens, very funny!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      Enjoyed reading some of these, nicely done!

    • Ownage1808 profile image

      Ownage1808 6 years ago

      Nice collection of jokes

    • profile image

      anonymous 6 years ago

      when she goes outside in all red everyone says hey look

      ! its cooll aidd

    • profile image

      JamieSueAustin 6 years ago

      Ah, takes me back to fifth grade.

    • profile image

      TWOnline2 6 years ago

      come on now. what's so sad is that i think there was a show for this some years ago.