- Family and Parenting
Help! I'm having Daddy Issues
I’m contemplating fathers today; good fathers, bad fathers. Mostly the latter because they seem to be everywhere all of a sudden. I’m sure there are good fathers in the world, I just haven’t really experienced them personally – no offence to all the fathers I know.
What is this "Good Father" You Speak Of?
Of course one must begin with what defines a good father if one is to know what a bad father is. When one thinks father…good father what does that mean? To me, it means a protective figure, concerned about one’s welfare, responsible, a teacher, an example, someone who provides, both material things as well as spiritual and emotional. He makes you feel safe, protected from the bad things. He makes sure you have somewhere to lay your head, and food to eat and clothes to wear. He tries to give you the best that he can in terms of education, life experience and a good example. He’s the bulwark that lights up the dark. In other words, he’s Will Smith.
The Apples and the Tree
Like for Example...
And then there is everybody else’s dad. Mine behaves like a sixteen year old with out of control hormones. He does provide though, as little as he can manage to. My son’s dad is quite willing to provide as much financial help as he feels he can spare, but emotionally? Spiritually? As absent as if he didn’t even exist. My nephews’ dad sprang a new family on them without so much as a bit of notice. Venturing further into the world, there’s Rihanna’s father who talked to the press about her business and admitted to being an alcoholic being looked after by his daughter. Just for contrast, her mother doesn’t even accept expensive gifts from her. Rihanna had to rope Oprah in so she could get her mother to accept the house she bought her. Her father though gets depressed if he doesn’t get as much as he feels he should. He resents that other people might get more from her than him. Drake’s father passed out in the club the same night Rihanna’s did his interview. Drake has mentioned his resignation with not knowing if his father is with him for the benefits or because he wants to. His father is also an alcoholic who left his mother to bring him up on her own. Beyonce’s father? Well he was present growing up that is true. According to former members of Destiny’s Child, he was quite the dictator. Then he turned out to be fathering spawn all over the place and not paying child support for them. Ironically, some felt that Bey should have stepped in and paid his child support for him…really? Why? In case we think it’s just the black fathers, how about Justin Bieber’s and his role as accessory to the Bieb’s crimes? The life and times of Michael Lohan are well documented in turning his daughter into a messed up alcoholic. What about the continued exploitation of poor Britney Spears by her family led by her father? But the real gold medal winner in father figure disappointment is Bill Cosby; ultimate TV father turned serial rapist…(this is why I have trust issues).
I’ve read many times of fathers being the ones to sell their albino children to witchdoctors in Tanzania. I haven’t yet heard of a mother doing so. What about sexual abuse and the number of times it’s committed by the father? It’s not even news anymore. But if a woman does it to her child…whoa, look out for the lynch mob.
This all started with John Winchester really, and the debate that was sparked by “The ones we left behind” in which Sam and Dean were telling a story about him and saying that although he wasn’t father of the year material, he did a good job. What does ‘a good job’ consist of in this case? Well, it was basically abdicating responsibility to Dean to look after his brother and tearing him a new one every time his poor juvenile ass fell short. *slow clap* absolutely standing ovation type shit don’t you think? But really these are the kind of standards that fathers are held to. As long as you are physically present in some way, then you did a good job. Because so many fathers are not there, are completely absent. Isn’t that just the worst? It’s not just Supernatural suffering from shitty fathers. Pick any show; Vampire Diaries, The Originals, Teen Wolf, Scandal, Arrow, name it. The fathers are either alcoholic, weak, absent or murderous. Sometimes all of the above.
Behold thy Fathers
Meanwhile mothers have to be providers and nurturers, daddy and mommy and please don’t complain or you’ll be thrown in the bad mother pile immediately. It worries me because I want more from my son. I want him to be epic at everything but especially fatherhood. But I have no examples to point out for him to say, “See this guy? This is how you do it. This is how you are a good man, and a good father.” I’m really going to need someone to step up and raise these standards like…yesterday.