- Family and Parenting
Baby Names for Crazy People
A Name Means Everything
Deciding to have a child is an important decision. However, naming a child is an even bigger one. Picking the right name for a child can be a critical factor in what kind of person that child becomes. Pick the right name, and your child grows up happy and healthy. Pick the wrong name, and your child grows up and turns into a serial killer.
Here is a list of names you want to avoid to give your child a chance at life success.
- Hitler - There was a little boy who lived down the street from me named Hitler and he tortured small animals by setting them on fire. I asked his parents why they named him after one of the most evil men in the history of the planet and they said that all that Holocaust stuff was a bunch of hooey and that Hitler really had the right idea about things.
- Jesus - I mean, let your kid accomplish a few things before naming him after many people's lord and savior. Really, you're saddling your kid with a lot to live up to here.
- Bundy - Naming your kid after one of the world's most notorious mass murderers is never a good idea. The sad thing is, Bundy is almost a nice name. It's better than Gein.
- Morpheus - We get it, you loved "The Matrix", but Morpheus is a fictional character. Get a real, live hero. Name your kid Lou or "The Boss" or Clinton or Reagan or something.
- Zeus - Why not just name your kid God? Naming your kid Zeus is actually even more pretentious than God because it's just so stupid.
- Syphillis - I'm not sure why anyone would name their child after a venereal disease, but it generally seems like a bad idea, but I suppose it's better than naming your kid "Bladder Cancer" or "Genital Wart".
- Vegina - So you love vegetables and female anatomy. Isn't "Clitcumber" a much better choice?
- Yodalanda - Instead of saddling your little girl with this horrific name, why not just where your Imperial Storm Trooper outfit 24 hours a day or have "Star Wars" tattooed on your forehead or something?
- Rover - If you wanted a dog you should have bought a dog.
- Farkus - Actually, I kind of like this one, but any name that sounds pornographic when somebody is screaming it should be avoided.
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