- Family and Parenting»
- Parenting Skills, Styles & Advice
Parenting; Follow 4 Simple Rules to Discipline Ill Behaved Children
I have yet to become a parent but I have had the opportunity of rearing younger brothers and sisters. Observing my parents’ version of parenting, I have always had my own point of view about how I could have handled the situation. My credentials also include watching countless programs on television relevant to parenting and the problems parents face in upbringing their children. The most disturbing of situations arise when the children stop listening to their elders and become their own boss. A common tantrum constitutes fretting, freaking, tearing, heaving and ear splitting din which can be a bit too much for the household. I have seen the youngest one of us, too pampered I suppose, wander down that lane. His insistent, frequent, unreasonable demands had us all perturbed. Eventually we tamed him, he is not completely cured but he has improved from the constant peeve he used to be. For me it has boiled down to three simple things
1. Love and Attention: the basic juice
The first and foremost thing is to bring the point home that you love the child. Simple gestures of affection such as hugging, kissing, help in homework, a bit of attention and affordable pampering are enough to get the point across.
- Your Image
However one thing that is of extreme importance is what your child thinks of you. Try to be a good example to your children. Do not take alcohol in their presence, try to keep yourself composed and keep the volume of the voice within the acceptable decibel. Do not berate your spouse in front of your child; this will lower the respect of your partner in the eyes of your children. To be obeyed, it is critical to be respected. For all those who already have established a negative image in the minds of their ever absorbent children, they should try to turn over a new leaf.
- Competition for affection
Some parents at times compete for their children’s attention and affections, the competition may break down to bickering, it is always a lose-lose situation to portray each other in front of your children in this fashion. In the end both of the parents will be painted with the same brush. One thing a father should understand is that children are meant to be closer to their mother, who has given birth to them and fed them. This does not mean that fathers should ignore their children, good parenting requires a bit of selflessness, they should keep the affection and love for their children alive and actively be there for their children, who in turn will develop affection for them.
- Television is our Favourite Child
Television sometimes serves as an model of how the parents want their children to be. Television is rife with personalities advocating a certain lifestyle that the parents would either desire for themselves at the cost of their children, or for their children yet again at the cost of their well being. It is very important to be impartial in understanding who and what they want their children to be, people most often are not the right role models. Concentrating on the traits is wiser than concentrating on being another person.
The child who is favoured the most, is most likely to be the one with the tantrum problem. He will feel that he definitely has something special that others lack and will take advantage of the situation. Children who have been ignored, in most cases keep silent grudges and do sometimes air their opinion that they do not feel loved. It is immensely difficult to love each child equally with mathematical accuracy, but what can be ensured is that in material terms each is treated with equality.
- Observe your child carefully
If your child is constant ill behaved, it can be due to a medical condition. It is advised to get a complete medical checkup before labeling the child as a rug rat. At one instance in one of the shows I mentioned as part of my credentials, a female child refused listen to her parents’ instructions, it was later discovered that she could barely listen because of the wax in her ear. She had to undergo a minor operation to be returned to her normal cheerful self.
The rule is to be attentive to your children and make sure they respect you enough to obey you.
It is the dream of every child to own what the neighbour’s child has, whether it is within your reach or not is little of the child’s concern. Make your child understand that you do not have the means to supply such an item or that item is not safe or good for the child. Keep the explanation simple. If the little one fails to understand and launches into another one of his famous acts, do not give in. By giving in he will get the idea that what he did was right and it got him what he wanted. Punishment is not a wrong thing if it serves the right purpose. Allocate a task such as tidying the shoe rack which he will have to perform or a place where he will be confined to incase of misbehavior. If he refuses to perform the task, do not accept his company or allow him to continue with the routine without completion of the punishment. It is very important to drive that you are serious about what you are doing. However make sure that after he has completed the task, he is well praised and appreciated for the work well done. Now that you have made the point, necessary gestures of affection should be resumed.
The rule is not to give in to unreasonable demands and develop a culture of punishment in case of inappropriate behaviour.
Keep the child busy and the schedule predictable. A wandering mind is a playground for the devil. Make a formal schedule including the time to wake up, time for breakfast, lunch, dinner, plan the activities you have with the child, the homework he has to do, the television programs he watches and the time he spends playing outside the house.
The rule is to keep the child busy with a predictable routine.
4. Keep An Eye On Your Child
It is very possible that the child is harboring evil company outside of the home. It is very important to keep a keen eye on the child's whereabouts and to understand his activities outside of the home. The streets and neighborhoods are flowing with drugs and sexual predators, the child should be properly educated about substance abuse and told that nothing a friend asks to smoke, snort or inject should ever be allowed, the children should be effectively apprised of sexual abuse, and how to stay away from staring strange adults. The food intake outside should also be minimized. The neighborhood circle that he or she traverses should be kept minimal, something the parent can effectively control.