Child-Parenting Psychology Is Not Biblical: Win at Parenting With These Five Scriptures
Child-Parenting Psychology Is Not Biblical
I took my children to the hospital for a general check-up before the school-year began, and a frazzled mom lightly said, “Walking feet, remember, walking feet!” as her four children ran around the clinic, in a complete frenzy, and completely ignoring anything and everything she said. The worst part is that sometimes they would acknowledge her with eye contact, and then continue to engage in the wrongful behavior. They were purposefully misbehaving and they were not being directed, disciplined or controlled. With really overtly exotic, even inappropriate, baby names, today’s parenting is also overtly lax and without direction. Child-parenting psychology is not in line with Biblical child-rearing.
1. Proverbs 22:6 - Train Your Children
Proverbs 22:6 mentions that we should ‘train’ our children in the manner that is good for the child, and in a way that will be remembered, and leave a lasting impact, even when the child grows old.
How do we do this? Don’t be a hypocrite. If you promise the child that they will be disciplined if they do a wrong action, carry through with your word. Allow the child to experience the nature of action and the consequence that follows it, whether it’s good or bad. Train a child by training yourself. Go to a church that inspires instead of preaching only hate and judgement. Create habits that are good for the mind, body, and soul. A great habit could be to start the day with scripture at breakfast. Tape a little prayer on the dinner table for your child to say before eating their meal. Read a Bible story before bedtime.
2. Ephesians 6:44 - Don't Provoke the Kids
Ephesians 6:44 says that we, as parents, cannot provokes our kids to purposefully make them angry. We need to raise them with the instruction, and discipline, inspired by God. Colossians 3:21 mentions that we should not provoke the children or else they will become discouraged.
How do we do this? Parents may accidently provoke children by instilling fear in place of boldness, anger in place of patience, and doubt in place of self-confidence. We provoke our kids when we teach pride over humility. I have seen this behavior in my mother, and it must have started as a defense mechanism as a child. My mother takes great pride in bragging about times she has tricked someone, or taken more than her share, or pulled the wool over someone’s eyes. She feels more blessed than others, and even compares blessings. She believes that obtaining success is stepping on others as you climb your way to the top of the ladder. I noticed that in her family line, pride is also genetic. Maybe it started with Cain, if we want to get historical, but pride is a poison that wears the clothes of royalty. Pride blinds us to the reality that is this: Jesus was the poster-child of humility. Jesus’s feet were washed. He allowed the sick to touch him. His friends were the outcasts of society. Where was the pride in this? We provoke our kids when pride is more important than being humble.
3. Proverbs 29:15 - Rod = Wisdom?
Proverbs 29:15 advises that the ‘rod’ and reproof (which means rebuking or censoring) give the child wisdom, but a child who constantly gets what he wants ends up being a shame to the mother.
How do we do this? Proverbs 13:24 says that those parents who ‘spare the rod’ hate their kids, but those who love the child are diligent enough to discipline. Again with the rod. Consider this – the rod is not just a tool for correction, it is also words of discipline that we must share with the children. Hate is a strong word, by the way. How do we ‘hate’ our children, when we love them so much that ‘we want them to have everything we didn’t have?’ This thought process, from a selfless point of view, makes sense. We have noticed, however, that the more we give our children, the less thoughtful and grateful they may become. It may get to the point where they even ‘expect’ gifts, or prizes, just for existing. Back in the day, you probably had to work really hard for a very measly allowance, if you received one at all. Today’s society encourages the handing out of trophies for any small thing, and what this does is create an opposite effect where the trophy (prize or gift) has zero meaning, or significance. It becomes an empty, expected token with absolutely no meaning. How do these children become a shame to us? They yell at us. They question us. They back-talk. They get on the internet with free, open access and create some kind of dangerous or embarrassing situation that we have to apologize our way out of, or involve the police with. We are definitely shamed when we don’t teach our children and get them on the correct path.
4. Deuteronomy 6:7 - Teach Our Children
Deuteronomy 6:7 says that we are to teach our children, talk to them while sitting in our home, when we walk by them, or lie down with them, and even when we rise. We are to be examples to our children and not just talk to them at the dinner table, but at all times when we can.
How do we do this? Let’s start here: Today’s phone situation is out of control. Instead of raising children ourselves, we are allowing technology to do this for us. We start off with good intentions – maybe you had to do homework for college or get dinner ready, and the tablet allowed you to take a break from all the ‘why is the sky blue’ questions. What kind of ways did mothers entertain their children in the days of Jesus? Also, what kind of ways did mothers entertain themselves instead of narrowing into the tiny screen of their phones or drowning in endless YouTube tutorial videos? I’ve been guilty of watching TV with my husband, in the room, while the kids play and make origami. Sometimes, after work, I’m definitely not in the mood to take the kids for a bike ride, but honestly, it’s probably exactly what I need. Make family time a priority, and create a Monday Family Night where the family plays game from 6 PM to 8 PM and make it a point to make cookies or have a snack prepared so that the family can share scripture, thoughts, and have a fun time together. These kinds of actions create great memories as well, and ideas for the children to use with their children in the future. We must be examples and try to create these good environments.
5. Proverbs 29:17 - Discipline Your Children
Proverbs 29:17 says that is you discipline your children, he or she will be a delight to you in your life.
How do we do this? Psalm 127:3-5 says that children are God’s heritage, and they are a reward of the woman’s womb. They are compared to the arrows in a warrior’s hands, and a man who has a ‘quiver’ of them is blessed. They are more than just products of a physical union that happened some time ago. They are more than just extra earned children credit on your tax income. They are the future, and our inheritance, and the inheritance of the world. Children are the hope for the future, and even future lights that lead other people to God and Christianity. All the good things that come from our children begin with disciplining them from a young age. And please don’t confuse discipline with abuse. When we try to make that confusion, we are just trying to find an excuse to continue pursuing a bad behavior. We need to be honest with ourselves. What is discipline, and what is abusive? We want to avoid anything, always, abusive or traumatizing. We want to avoid anything unnecessary or over the top. Think of God’s discipline. HE teaches us. He corrects us. He transforms us. His love does this for us. His forgiveness, understanding and mercy, with purpose and design, help us become better than we were. God is not just passively watching as we get beat up by Satan, as we shouldn’t just passively watch as our kids are transformed by the sin that the media, society and television wants to offer our children.
How Has God Disciplined You?
Sometimes, we have to think about how we are ‘punished’, or disciplined. To be honest with you, discipline, for me, has been experiencing terrible things when I have wandered off the past. I used to think, “Why is God doing this to me!” But really, I should have though this: “Why is God allowing this to happen?” This very theme brings to mind something that happened with Saul. 1st Samuel 16:14 mentions that the spirit of God left Saul, and then it was replaced with an evil spirit that the Lord allowed. God may allow harmful things to torment us when we stay off-path. If we think about, should we really be rewarded when we make constant, huge errors? What about our children? Sure, God has given us free will. Yea, Satan, his demons and evil exist, and of course, we have two endings. Are we going to Heaven or Hell? Life is kind of like a choose-your-own-adventure book. There are two endings, and a million ways to get to each. Some roads are much, much harder than they should be. With the right, initial teachings, our children can bypass some of these hard lessons by knowing right from wrong from the very start.
Dangers of Desensitization
We live in a society where kinds are being desensitized to those things that should be frightening or alarming. Children are being raised to be the ‘parents’. Children…lead the way! Children lead the child-rearing. Children demand and parents give in. Where does respect come in? Sometimes, I’m at the grocery store and I see children stomping on store merchandise, or running around in a completely disorderly fashion, and the mom is just there, pecking away at her phone, completely oblivious to the destruction and annoyance her children are causing.
What Would Jesus Do?
With everything, there is a balance. High expectations can lead to depression, anxiety, and suicidal behaviors, even if the child, as an adult, has excelled. However, child-centered parenting produces children that are full of self-centered-ness in nature, and children that cannot cope with the disappointments of life. Balances are hard because we aren’t perfect, and God knows and expect this. Remember that phase where everyone wore WWJD stamped on a rubber wristband? Try to get back to that original point of though. What would Jesus do? What would our Savior do? How would he treat us, correct us, discipline us? How would he forgive us, and how would he show us love?
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2020 Reformed Eve