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Six Wishes for Survivors of Bad Mother-Child Relationships

Updated on March 12, 2018
MsDora profile image

MsDora—parent, grandparent, Christian counselor—offers suggestions on raising confident, conscientious, responsible, productive children.

Stories of bad mothers are everywhere, so we will not spend time to narrate any of them here. Our purpose is to focus on the survivors of these bad mother-child relationships. Some have already learned how to turn their pain into power; others are still healing and we are sensitive to their struggle. We want to applaud them all for their survival and wish them continued strength!

Wishing For This Promise from God To Come True in Your Life


We will not even focus on their suffering, though we acknowledge the severity of their hurt. We apologize for the irresponsible humans who robbed them of the happy, healthy mother-child relationships which is their right. We want to remind them that they are not to blame for their misfortune. Discovering and pursuing their purpose gives them reason to keep on living.

This article celebrates them and shares six life-affirming wishes.

  • Good Relationships
  • Good Self-Image
  • Good Attitude
  • Good Sense of Humor
  • Good Opportunities
  • Good Future

Six Wishes

(1) Good Relationships

Your mother proved herself unworthy of a relationship with you, and we will not even judge her, since we seldom have all the facts. She probably left you confused, frightened, and unprotected. Try not to allow your experience with her to become your definition of motherhood. She had a flaw and circumstances magnified it. We hope that life compensated you with a caring mother figure, and wish that within the relationships you now have, you can find enough love, attention and nurture to compensate for the affection of which you were robbed. The more you focus on the good in what you have, the sooner you will become aware that you have what you need.

(2) Good Self-Image

Write out a personal definition of your name, based on the skills, talents and potential you see in yourself. Know who you are, and do not tolerate any description by anyone else, if that description conflicts with yours. What happened between you and your mother is unfortunate, but it does not have to affect the image you describe. If your mother ever shows up in your mental vision, smile and let her know that you pity her for missing out on being a part of your life. Or if she shows up in real life, be strong enough to hold onto the control while you decide how to respond to her.

(3) Good Attitude

Everyone builds a personal set of values based on experiences and environment. Hopefully, your replacement mother figure taught you to forgive—to free yourself from the emotional burden caused by the fault of someone else. We wish you the capacity to receive love and the ability to express it. We wish that other positive emotions like joy, trust, and courage will have double power in your psyche and win out over negative emotions like despair, distrust and discouragement. Cling to positive, productive thoughts and they will manifest themselves in your actions. Begin with the thought of gratitude.

(4) Good Sense of Humor

Here is an excerpt from Bad Childhood—Good Life by Dr. Laura Schlessinger:

Dr. Laura: There are the people who have those big disappointments and they spend their lives being sad. And then there are the other people, who go, “It is sad that I have these disappointments, but I am sooo lucky because I have ...” Which do you think are the happier people?

Child Caller: The people who are sad—but still happy.

Choose to be happy and make yourself laugh. Laugh hard. Laugh at the silly things children say, which show that they do not appreciate the blessing of loving parents. Laugh at the gestures of people who underestimate your determination to succeed against all odds. Laugh just because you see a joke where nobody else sees one.

(5) Good Opportunities

So often, children of bad mothers blame their childhood experience for their inability, or for the lack of opportunity to get a good education. We do not wish that for you. We know that your mental state is affected, but we also know that you can heal. Get help, if you need to. Education is a lifetime venture; so if circumstances interfere with your academic agenda, keep looking for learning opportunities to improve your skills. Good education opens up opportunities for other good things—business relationships, self-employment, career and travel. Expect and visualize doors opening to you, like you see them do for other people, and be ready to walk through.

An Abortion Survivor

(6) Good Future

Some children die at the hands of their bad mothers. You did not, and what a blessing! What kind of future do you have in mind? What goals and destinations are you focused on? You already survived one major dilemma, so you can survive the struggle it takes to get where you want to go. Study the person you want to become, instead of the person you don’t want to be like. Read biographies of happy, successful people. Enroll in a mentoring program, if you think it will help. No time to look back. Celebrate life every day until the celebration of life becomes a habit. You’ll even make a good parent, and so many would benefit if you write your survival story!

© 2013 Dora Weithers


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    • MsDora profile imageAUTHOR

      Dora Weithers 

      5 years ago from The Caribbean

      VVanNess, glad to uplift, and thanks for your encouragement.

    • VVanNess profile image

      Victoria Van Ness 

      5 years ago from Fountain, CO

      Thank you for this beautiful article. You really seem to understand this situation in so many individual lives. This was very uplifting.

    • MsDora profile imageAUTHOR

      Dora Weithers 

      5 years ago from The Caribbean

      Frank, thanks for your support. My wishes are sincere, and I'm happy if one such child feels worthy because of them.

    • MsDora profile imageAUTHOR

      Dora Weithers 

      5 years ago from The Caribbean

      Eric, I agree wholeheartedly with your take on this. They may be bad mothers for any number of reasons; that's why there is no judgment or condemnation here. Again, my heart goes out for them as much as for their children however many generations deep.

    • MsDora profile imageAUTHOR

      Dora Weithers 

      5 years ago from The Caribbean

      Manatita, thanks for your counsel. I apologize to you and any other reader who may experience some displeasure of the term "bad mothers." I was very careful not to discuss, judge or condemn them. My heart goes out for them as much as for their children.

    • MsDora profile imageAUTHOR

      Dora Weithers 

      5 years ago from The Caribbean

      Mhatter99, you're very welcome. Hope all of my wishes come true for you. Blessings!

    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 

      5 years ago from San Francisco

      Thank you for this. good wishes,Though I respected her and she was an interesting person, she was a poor mother.

    • manatita44 profile image


      5 years ago from london

      Hi my Sweet,

      You give excellent advice. Still, you use the words 'bad mothers' a few times. I will yield on this one, but I would have given it a slightly different slant. Too 'face on'. Still, you are not me, I know. Any reflection?

      An otherwise very useful article.

    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 

      5 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      After reading each one I closed my eyes and prayed for it. And then I ended with a prayer for the bad mothers who are children of bad mothers who are children of bad mothers.

      I also wish that those children realize that sometime good people make bad mothers -- who knows why? Lack of empathy maybe or maybe an illnes.

      Thanks MsDora

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 

      5 years ago from Shelton

      MsDora again you come up with hubs that really work.. I love the 6 wishes ... keep sharing my dear friend

    • MsDora profile imageAUTHOR

      Dora Weithers 

      5 years ago from The Caribbean

      Thanks, Billybuc. Your encouragement means the world to me.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 

      5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I love the message here, Dora! Keep spreading the positive thoughts and love. Well done my friend.


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