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A Father I Only Knew For One Hour
This Hub was posted before I deleted my prior work I felt it necessary to re post Thanks for reading!
My Grandmother and my uncle bought my mom a business in Tijuana, Mexico. My mom was 15 years old operating a business. It was a little super market where she sold house necessities and snacks. My mom would go to work and home. There was this boy that would pass daily and would commence a conversation with my mom. They talked almost every day and became really good friends. They would hang out after my mom would finish up a days work. One day they became closer then friends, and I was conceived. My mom became pregnant of me at 15. My mom gave up her business and came back to the U.S. She periodically went back to visit my dad while she was pregnant of me. My dad wasn’t the ordinary teenager. He had a different lifestyle then my mom had and was raised to have. He was hooked on minor drugs at the time. My mom started to find out slowly by noticing the difference in his attitude. He would be out of character a few times when she went back to visit. My mom and dad talked about the difference in lifestyles and decided that it would be best if my mom had and raised me in California. My mom was a U.S. resident. My dad wasn’t. It was a difficult choice that my mom had to make. My dad was her first love and the father of her baby. My grandparents played a major factor in the decision my mom made. She gave birth to me on September 23, 1982. When my mom advised my father’s mother of my birth, she sadly told my mom that he was in the hospital having a child as well with his new girlfriend. So truth is told that he was cheating on my mom at the time I was conceived. So I had a little brother as well. My mom was distraught by the information that was given to her. She made a decision to raise me on her own. She reached a resolution by not allowing my father to meet me.
I was now graduating from high school. “Job well done mom, I couldn’t have done it without you. “ Here I am at 17, starting my first day of college. One day while eating dinner with my grandmother I had self reliance to ask about my biological father. She began to tell me what exactly had happen. I was a bit saddened to listen to the story of my mom and dad, and how it ended. I began to get angry that I wasn’t given an option to meet this man and why I had to wait 18 years to hear of him or about him. I went off to begin my own journey as an adult.
I met a man that I fell deep in love with. He was tall, handsome, charismatic, attractive, and knowledgeable. We met at work he was my supervisor. I was an associate at Toys R’ us. I worked there on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursday evenings to help pay for college. I worked at Honda Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays as well. I was a full time student majoring in Fashion Design. It was my biggest dream. He always tried to boss me around because he was superior to me in the course of our employment. When speaking to him I talked to him with a bit of an attitude. He would irk me at points, by making me do more work than what had to be done. So in other words he picked on me. But you know what they say “When boys pick on girls it’s because they are attracted to them” So he finally asked me out. We started to date. Two years went by and one day I was feeling below par. I found out that I was expecting a child. My life with my boyfriend at the time was not doing so well. We began to fight a lot. The cheating wasn’t stopping the late nights coming home where getting worse. I got fed up. I had a very bad experience with him and I had a restraining order issued. I left with my son, Abel only being 11 months old. I told my mom I need to leave. I want to move far away from this man immediately!!
My mom made a phone call. That same day I was on my way with my son, down south to stay with my dad’s side of the family that I had never met. I was very apprehensive on going to meet people I had never met, let alone meet but live with. I didn’t know what I was going to say or how to act. In 21 years I had never seen or heard of this side of the family, when I got there my dad’s siblings where all waiting anxiously to meet my son and I. As we walk into the house not knowing what to expect I see a room full of people smiling as I came through that door. There I met my dad’s brother his wife and children. Then I met my dad’s sister, her husband and children. I then met my other aunt and children. I looked around the room and my dad wasn’t to be found. Later on that afternoon once I was situated and had gotten rid of my fretfulness, I asked my uncle where my dad was. Why was he not here to meet my son and me? He looked at me and frowned and said mija, Tu papa no esta bien. (Your dad is not good) I replied to him what do you mean, where is he at. He told me that my dad was a heavy heroin user, and he was in a rehab in Tijuana. I told him take me to him I am here and he needs to know who I am. I gathered my things quickly and went and sat in the car waiting for someone to make the first move to take me to him. My cousin gets in the car, then my aunt then my uncle. We drive across the border.
My hands starting to sweat, my eyes getting watery, my heart starts racing. I didn’t know what I wanted to tell him, I didn’t know what to ask him all I knew is that I wanted him to hold me like he never held me before. I got there to this very gloomy, very dirty, smelly place. There was a lot of people waiting in line to enter this building. My dad didn’t know that I was there to see him. It was a surprise. I was finally able to go inside after about an hour of standing in line. I heard huge fans blowing, because there was no ventilation system. I sat on a bench with my son in my lap waiting. I was a wreck I looked to my left, nothing I looked to my right, nothing I waited a little more and nothing. I gave up I looked down.
Tears began to fill my eyes with hurt and disappointment. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I look up there he is the man that I had waited 21 years to meet. I had him standing right there, right before my eyes. Tears pouring down my face with sadness, happiness, joy and anger, I stood up and he hugged me so tight that he didn’t’ want to let go. I couldn’t speak no words were able to exit my mouth like if I had no vocal box. We sat down on the bench right next to us, and the only thing he did was stare at the floor. Silence was the only thing I heard. He couldn’t look me in the eye. All he said was sorry for not being there but you don’t understand the life I had, I didn’t want to be selfish and have you here knowing I was going to be a horrible father. My eyes burning from so much crying I was doing telling him how much I needed him. I didn’t have a male figure to teach me and guide me and fight off all the boys. I wanted my daddy. There I was at 21 crying like a little girl to the daddy she never had. A gentleman came and told me visiting hours were up that I had to leave. 1 hour was all I was given with my dad. I lifted up my son told him to give Mario a kiss goodbye. I took one last look before I left and walked towards the door. He didn’t come after me to hug me, nothing he just stood there dumb founded with no movement. I got in the car and just cried wishing things were different. I decided to move back to Los Angeles three months later and reconcile with the father of my son. That was the first time meeting my dad not knowing it was going to be the last.
About three months after that, I was at home watching T.V. and I get a phone call from my mom. I hear a low hello on the other end of the line. I say mom is that you, what’s wrong are you okay? In a very low faint voice she tells me to go over to her house because there is something she needs to tell me. I jumped in my car and drive over there quickly. I get there park the car jump out and run to the door. She answers the door and I see that she had been crying. I look at her and tell her mom what’s wrong what happened she tells me sit down babe there is something I have to tell you. I sit on the edge of the bed worried not knowing what is going to come out of her mouth. She tells me your dad; I jump up and said what about my dad tell me mom. She said your dad passed away last night. I then asked how with tears filling my eyes. She then told me that he had come out of rehab and found out that I was gone. He went back to using heroin and got high that very night and was sitting up on a hill and fell forward and cracked his head open and all his organs failed shortly after that. I dropped to my knees and began to cry. I was given only one chance to meet this man and now he is gone. I no longer had a man to call my dad. It was once again taken from me, but this time for good.