- Family and Parenting»
A Few Good Spanks…
…never hurt anyone, least of all a child. And I do believe that they are infinitely better than long lectures laced with sarcasm, threats or just plain tortuous length. Now this kind of a viewpoint could be highly unpopular in an age when children’s rights have become such a matter of concern and even one harsh word could be constituted as abuse. Well, if we want to raise a generation of namby-pamby, extremely sensitive, self-centred, thoroughly obnoxious kids, that’s fine. Otherwise maybe it’s time for parents to put their foot down and fight back like they did in New Zealand recently. Fight, not for themselves and their parental rights but for their children’s sake. Maybe we need to get back to the age of spanking – here are a few guidelines that come to mind.
Kids are like pups
They understand cause-effect. They do something they shouldn’t, they get a spank, they learn to try and not do it again. Otherwise they keep getting spanked like they learn. Very much like a rolled up newspaper and a pup. Repetition brings results in both cases. Children are simple and understand simplicity when it comes to correction – so let’s not complicate matters and confuse them.
Before the anger
Spank before you get angry when you spank to correct, not as a release for your frustration. At this point, once is usually enough. Once the tipping point is reached, you are not very often logical to know when to stop – so spank way before you get there. Never, ever slap, pummel, push, pull, shove, yell or abuse. Never. And there is no excuse for any leniency where that rule is concerned.
The bottoms are best
Soft enough to feel the pain so a lesson is learned but there’s no harm caused. Remember that young children have soft bones and you could easily cause damage if you hit them any and everywhere. Never, ever pull his pants down and spank him – you can correct a child without violating his dignity.
Keep in mind that spanking is done with an open hand, never a closed fist so it smarts but does not cause damage or break the skin.
Don’t expect instant change
Many children need to be corrected many times before they change. (The pup and the newspaper, remember?) How can you expect a little child to learn instantly? Try and spank the same way every time so he knows you are in control and you mean business. Don’t let the bully in you come out where you take the day’s frustrations out on your little baby. Some children learn very quickly, some take time – this could be genetic, maybe. So if you were a slow learner when it came to correction……
Don’t torture with talk
Lecturing them is like Chinese torture. You start and you’ll be doing it the rest of your life till they’re sick and tired of you. Act, don’t talk should be every parent’s guideline. Look at it this way – if men or women did it to their spouses, they would be branded ‘nags’ or worse, mental abusers. If you need to teach children about right or wrong, good or bad, keep it short. Remember, they learn by example much more than anything else. Of course you can talk to them at length – about the wonders of the universe, the beauty of the world around, about the incredible things to be found in books, about how much you love them. Lectures stunt a child’s mind – inspire them so they are always learning with minds that are ever expanding.
They’re children, not adults
Don’t talk to them like adults, don’t treat them as adults. Children feel secure within the confines of discipline. Set the limits and correct them when they cross it. As they grow, you might want to re-look at those boundaries and limits but when you do, make sure to let them know. In short, don’t deprive them of their childhood and make them grow up too fast. And please don’t ask them to understand you or your problems or your frustrations or what you’re going through. If you need to go to a shrink, do so – don’t burden your child with anything but child-friendly things.
Spanking ’n loving
They go hand in hand – you can’t really love a child and not correct him. You can’t spank a child when there isn’t a lot of hugging, loving and caring otherwise. When you’ve got both in perfect balance – a little bit of spanking and a lot of loving - that’s perfect parenting!