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Updated on August 13, 2012


How many families are happily united ? There are united families, but happiness is something unseen in those families. Very rarely such families are seen. May be in those days there might have been good families, with values and happiness flowing between their members. But, nowadays we are for sure, that very few families are found happy and lovable with one another. Why is it so ?  Usually, the world views these families in a context of status, wealth and background. A family of these gifts may be proud of themselves, however they will never say that they are a happily united family.

The main reason for this is that, most often people of high status and big families, though they have everything they need or get by a stroke of their hand are lonely in their hearts. They are surrounded by servants and friends from the cream of the society, but they are for sure, that they can never rely on any one of them. Of course, their family members could be relied, but here also comes the value or status of the family. Mainly, the elder members of the family are ungiving in their code of conducts towards the family . Every family has a code of conduct, framed by the elders or by one of their ancestors. Each and every member has to follow them unconditionally. This might suit for some, but not for everyone. Here come the difficult part. Until they are kids, they are monitored and never given a chance to sail away from their course of family code. But, once they are into their teens and taste their independence, then comes the trouble. Many try to break the law and by which they will be the  target of words and actions by the senior members. Then, you lose your peace of mind and want to be always away from your family .

Whereas, small families have a better understanding than with larger members. Since they have to confide with each other with limited members, they have the opportunity to either understand their position and behave accordingly or try to monitor the rules and bend it accordingly to their wish. If they are successful in this, then they are happy, but if they are opposed , they go into depression and feel lonely.

Loneliness is the main reason for missing the bus towards happiness and joy. Why are people left alone ? They expect others to understand them but in turn they are ridiculed and given a cold look. This makes people hard and pathetic. They tend to shut their thoughts and keep their dreams for themselves by which they become lonely by heart. Even though , they seem to be happy in their looks, it might not be the case within. We can confidently say that, only a few percentage of the world are happy within themselves. Very few. The world, is the same wherever you go. Every where there are families with values and code of conducts. And in the name of code of conduct, they sacrifice their dreams and in fact some are even proud of that. What is the use of having a life without satisfying your needs and dreams ? Some sacrifice may be needed , which has to be maintained when you go into a family or become a person in a society where values are measured.

It’s a known fact that, when you escalate in your life, then you will have to do more sacrifices and you will have to live the life for others and not for ones likings. Personal dreams are often buried as you travel high in the society. And in turn you get what all you don’t want and never expected.

Family is a system whereby we have to rely on each other and respect each others emotions and likings. I know a family of four members. In this family, the husband decides everything for the family. Even if they go for a restaurant, the menu will be decided by the husband for the whole family. The kids will never open their mouth against it. Whatever he decides will be the final word in the family. Do you think that this might be a happy family ? Never. He has to wait unitl the kids grow up. They will never be happy in the presence of their father.  Take the case of the mother. She has a heart. She has also some feelings and she can also decide upon things. It is pathetic sight to see this family. You can never see a smile on their faces. I have never found one. The kids always wanted to be in school so that they might play and be happy with their friends. When they come home then , its like entering a training ground. No person will smile in a training ground. Poor kids.

What can make a happy family ? First and foremost there must be state of understanding within the members of the family whether they are big or small. It wholly depends on the elders of the family to guide the younger ones. Some, in the name of discipline try to protect their younger ones by implementing rules. This is necessary to a certain extent. But, that should not harm the individuality of the family members. There should be a great sense of understanding and reputation by the seniors. They should be lovable and approachable. The younger generation should find their elders more friendly and easy to handle. They might have many problems wherein they should be able to confess with their family members and get a solution through the family. It’s the healthier way of solving problems. Its also the permanent way of handling our problems.

We should discuss each and everything about our family needs and difficulties with every family members. Be transparent. And, the most important factor is confidentiality. Each member should be confident about their other members that, they can confide in them anything and take an advice or help without affecting ones ego. Maintaining a healthy relationship with our family members is an art. There will be times when we tend to hide something from our family and try to get away with it. But, if you get caught then your credibility is reduced and all will always view you in a suspicious frame. Try to have more outings with the family. Take interest in others difficulties and try to help them as much as you can. Do you know which is the most happiest moment of your life ? It is the moment you know that your whole family is behind you when you are in serious trouble and you know that they will take care of everything. That’s a wonderful feeling. This alone leads to happiness within the family. There should be a give and take policy within the family. Never mock or tease anybody even for fun. It wil have a very bad effect on their emotions. Some emotions might be a permanent scar on their personalities.

I happened to watch a programme in the TV a few months back. It was a debate with a heading “Whom do you hate the most in your life ? “.  It was pathetic to see a young man stating that, “ I hate my mother the most in my life “ . The reason he gave was, since he was a dark skinned person, his mother totally avoided him and he stated that she never even touched him right from the day he was born. And to add to the insult, she used to say him that since you are dark skinned I will never touch or care about you. Until he was a kid he was craving for his mothers love but every time he was insulted and the rift was falling apart still. Now, as a man, he started to hate her and he was not at all having a bad feeling that he was talking about his mother in public. Poor guy. This guy will have a permanent personality disorder given by his own mother.

Some tips to have a happy family :

1.       BE RELIABLE











These may be some of the factors to maintain a good and happy family relationship. Some things depend on the individual’s way of thinking and liking. Some might be happy when they are left alone or to take their own decisions. If they think that, this will make them happy , then it is their own way to happiness, however when you are in a family, family comes first and if you haven’t had these experiences, just try . You will find it to be one of the exciting and meaningful moments of your life.


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    • James A Watkins profile image

      James A Watkins 

      8 years ago from Chicago

      This is an impressive essay. I enjoyed reading it and gained much insight from it. I think the family is the foundation of human life. Unfortunately, families are crumbling in the USA. Thank you for publishing this erudite piece.


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