A Mother's Bleeding Heart

My son, my dream come true, the first one in my womb, my joy, the epitome of my womanhood, the extension of my bloodline; how come my heart bleeds for you?

Who can fathom the mystery and depths of a mother's heart?

It's warm and hot as the oven of Nebuchadnezzar and as deep as the earth's core;

No nothing can compare;

I was an innocent virgin at 18 years old when I first fell in love with a very awesomely beautiful baby boy of a neighbor;

I kept visiting the baby in their home and that was when my dream to have a baby boy just like that of my own;

The thought of getting married first as a prerequisite to have a baby had never occurred in me;

But then one day everything fell into places and I was pregnant at age 20;

I prayed that the baby in my womb would be a boy and as beautiful as that baby boy of our neighbor;

Then I delivered the baby;

Lo and behold!

The baby was a 12-lb healthy baby boy, my own!

My dream come true!

Then my world had changed completely;

He is now the center of my universe.

From then on, everything I did was for the brilliant future of my son;

I had foreseen my son as a brilliant boy in school;

I resolved to mold my son into a creative and productive citizen;

To inculcate in him the values of being human;

To mold him into the most beautiful person that he can ever be;

I pampered him with material things and provided him for everything he would need for whatever he desired to do;

I made predictions that one day he will be one of the youngest millionaire;

I thought and dreamed of everything a mother can do to make her son the best person that he can be;

And most of all, I love him with a kind of love that only a mother can give.

Everything was fine until one day my son became a father at 17 when he was far from even supporting himself;

He was just a freshman in college;

The first trauma of my life; I should have liked him to become a Doctor first, or an Engineer, or anything that he desired to become in his maturity so that he will be a responsible and loving husband and father to his own family in the future;

I denied myself and had focused to do my best to support him, emotionally, financially, spiritually, psychologically just so he can succeed in whatever endeavor he would set for himself;

But he seemed to have ignored what I had strive for his own good;

My heart has started bleeding;

What have I done?

Is my love and support for him not enough to make him the person that he should be?

He is my little prince and treated him so; prepared him to be so in the best way that I can;

Where did I go wrong?

Then, mother as I am, I had to continue loving my son and supporting him despite the mistakes and heartaches;

I had accepted his family and had strive to love his unlovable wife like she is my own daughter;

Besides, I love my grandchildren so much;

I had known for some time now; about five years that something wrong had been going on in my son's marriage and I was even wondering who is that baby that my daughter-in-law is carrying in this photo;

Nobody told me that I have a new grandson; then the truth came; she has a baby sired by an unknown father; definitely not my son.

My confusion was now cleared and the truth had just dawned in me when yesterday, my son brought this new woman that he will marry;

God! Can I forgive myself? What have I done to my son?

Where did I go wrong?

No, I don't know my son anymore...

He does not need me anymore;

His financial success and in business had lifted him up high above the pedestal;

He is now a stranger to me;

Where's my son?

Where's my baby?