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A Mother's Bleeding Heart

Updated on March 24, 2013


My son, my dream come true, the first one in my womb, my joy, the epitome of my womanhood, the extension of my bloodline; how come my heart bleeds for you?

Who can fathom the mystery and depths of a mother's heart?

It's warm and hot as the oven of Nebuchadnezzar and as deep as the earth's core;

No nothing can compare;



I was an innocent virgin at 18 years old when I first fell in love with a very awesomely beautiful baby boy of a neighbor;

I kept visiting the baby in their home and that was when my dream to have a baby boy just like that of my own;

The thought of getting married first as a prerequisite to have a baby had never occurred in me;

But then one day everything fell into places and I was pregnant at age 20;

I prayed that the baby in my womb would be a boy and as beautiful as that baby boy of our neighbor;

Then I delivered the baby;

Lo and behold!

The baby was a 12-lb healthy baby boy, my own!

My dream come true!

Then my world had changed completely;

He is now the center of my universe.

From then on, everything I did was for the brilliant future of my son;

I had foreseen my son as a brilliant boy in school;

I resolved to mold my son into a creative and productive citizen;

To inculcate in him the values of being human;

To mold him into the most beautiful person that he can ever be;

I pampered him with material things and provided him for everything he would need for whatever he desired to do;

I made predictions that one day he will be one of the youngest millionaire;

I thought and dreamed of everything a mother can do to make her son the best person that he can be;

And most of all, I love him with a kind of love that only a mother can give.

Everything was fine until one day my son became a father at 17 when he was far from even supporting himself;

He was just a freshman in college;

The first trauma of my life; I should have liked him to become a Doctor first, or an Engineer, or anything that he desired to become in his maturity so that he will be a responsible and loving husband and father to his own family in the future;

I denied myself and had focused to do my best to support him, emotionally, financially, spiritually, psychologically just so he can succeed in whatever endeavor he would set for himself;

But he seemed to have ignored what I had strive for his own good;


My heart has started bleeding;

What have I done?

Is my love and support for him not enough to make him the person that he should be?

He is my little prince and treated him so; prepared him to be so in the best way that I can;

Where did I go wrong?

Then, mother as I am, I had to continue loving my son and supporting him despite the mistakes and heartaches;

I had accepted his family and had strive to love his unlovable wife like she is my own daughter;

Besides, I love my grandchildren so much;

I had known for some time now; about five years that something wrong had been going on in my son's marriage and I was even wondering who is that baby that my daughter-in-law is carrying in this photo;

Nobody told me that I have a new grandson; then the truth came; she has a baby sired by an unknown father; definitely not my son.

My confusion was now cleared and the truth had just dawned in me when yesterday, my son brought this new woman that he will marry;

God! Can I forgive myself? What have I done to my son?

Where did I go wrong?

No, I don't know my son anymore...

He does not need me anymore;

His financial success and in business had lifted him up high above the pedestal;

He is now a stranger to me;

Where's my son?

Where's my baby?


My son visited me yesterday and introduced to me the new girl, the one sitting beside him, to be his next wife...I am so sad for my grandchildren...and I keep surmising...What could have gone wrong with my son and his ex-wife? No I don't know my son
My son visited me yesterday and introduced to me the new girl, the one sitting beside him, to be his next wife...I am so sad for my grandchildren...and I keep surmising...What could have gone wrong with my son and his ex-wife? No I don't know my son

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    • Jynzly profile image
      Author

      Jenny Pugh 5 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      klidstone1970,

      Thank you for that encouraging comment klidstone1970; who else can understand a mother's heart but another mother's heart too. God Bless.

    • Jynzly profile image
      Author

      Jenny Pugh 5 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      klidstone1970,

      Thank you for that encouraging comment klidstone1970; who else can understand a mother's heart but another mother's heart too. God Bless.

    • klidstone1970 profile image

      இڿڰۣ-- кιмвєяℓєу 5 years ago from Niagara Region, Canada

      We all love our children unconditionally and would do anything for them. I could feel my heart breaking for you with every word and hope that you find yourself in a better place with your son. Your love for him definitely shines through. Blessings to you and your family, Jynzly!!

      Best wishes

      Kim

    • Jynzly profile image
      Author

      Jenny Pugh 5 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      Shirley Enriquez,

      Thanks for dropping by and the comment, Ma'am Shirley.

    • Jynzly profile image
      Author

      Jenny Pugh 5 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      Shirley Enriquez,

      Thanks for dropping by and the comment, Ma'am Shirley.

    • profile image

      Shirley Enriquez 5 years ago

      Your son is lucky to have a mother like you. Your love for him is endless and unfailing.

    • Jynzly profile image
      Author

      Jenny Pugh 5 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      eaches12345,

      Hi teaches12345, good to hear from you again. You are right. I had done what I believe was right for my son but I learned that the only great thing that a mother can do is to forgive and love her children unconditionally. Both my son and my ex-daughter-in-law had hurt me but like you say, motherhood is a journey and forgiving and loving continuously is part of such a journey.

      Thanks for reading my hub and the encouragement. God Bless.

    • Jynzly profile image
      Author

      Jenny Pugh 5 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      teaches12345,

      Hi teaches12345, good to hear from you again. You are right. I had done what I believe was right for my son but I learned that the only great thing that a mother can do is to forgive and love her children unconditionally. Both my son and my ex-daughter-in-law had hurt me but like you say, motherhood is a journey and forgiving and loving continuously is part of such a journey.

      Thanks for reading my hub and the encouragement. God Bless.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 5 years ago

      jynzly, many of us have experienced your woes as a parent. We raise them the best we can, but sometimes our children walk a different path. It is a journey. Don't give up. Keep loving them and setting an example of positive choices and hope. God bless you.

    • Jynzly profile image
      Author

      Jenny Pugh 5 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      vandynegl ,

      Thank you vandynegl for dropping by and for appreciating my hub. God Bless.

    • Jynzly profile image
      Author

      Jenny Pugh 5 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      Umm-e-mia ,

      Thanks for reading my hub. Yes, you're right, in fact I had just learned to accept that my son knows what's best for him and his life as a whole...he is an adult who can face whatever consequences of any action and decision he makes in his life. I have to minimize if not let go of my very strong feeling of attachment to my son. God Bless.

    • Jynzly profile image
      Author

      Jenny Pugh 5 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      catgypsy,

      Thanks catgypsy for reading my hub. You're right, we can only do what we deem right but the result could not always be as we wished it to be; but all is well that ends well and that is what I am hoping for. Thanks for the encouragement. God Bless.

    • Jynzly profile image
      Author

      Jenny Pugh 5 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      catgypsy,

      Thanks catgypsy for reading my hub. You're right, we can only do what we deem right but the result could not always be as we wished it to be; but all is well that ends well and that is what I am hoping for. Thanks for the encouragement. God Bless.

    • catgypsy profile image

      catgypsy 5 years ago from the South

      Life can throw us some terrible curves sometimes. I hope things work out for both of you...give it time. Very touching hub.

    • Jynzly profile image
      Author

      Jenny Pugh 5 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      Umm-e-mia ,

      Thanks for reading my hub. Yes, you're right, in fact I had just learned to accept that my son knows what's best for him and his life as a whole...he is an adult who can face whatever consequences of any action and decision he makes in his life. I have to minimize if not let go of my very strong feeling of attachment to my son. God Bless.

    • Jynzly profile image
      Author

      Jenny Pugh 5 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      Umm-e-mia ,

      Thanks for reading my hub. Yes, you're right, in fact I had just learned to accept that my son knows what's best for him and his life as a whole...he is an adult who can face whatever consequences of any action and decision he makes in his life. I have to minimize if not let go of my very strong feeling of attachment to my son. God Bless.

    • profile image

      Umm-e-mia 5 years ago

      Very well written. At times our expectations take a situation from bad to worse, may be you should re-evaluate your expectations.

    • Jynzly profile image
      Author

      Jenny Pugh 5 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      MsDora,

      Thank youonce again for reading my hub. Yes, I agree with you. One of my weaknesses is once I love someone, family, relatives, friends or husband, I tend to forget myself...That is really a sound reminder and advice for me. God Bless you MsDora.

    • Jynzly profile image
      Author

      Jenny Pugh 5 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      vandynegl ,

      Thank you vandynegl for dropping by and for appreciating my hub. God Bless.

    • Jynzly profile image
      Author

      Jenny Pugh 5 years ago from Marion, Indiana, USA

      vandynegl ,

      Thank you vandynegl for dropping by and for appreciating my hub. God Bless.

    • MsDora profile image

      Dora Weithers 5 years ago from The Caribbean

      Keep on loving, including yourself. It is possible to enjoy what you have although it is not what you wanted.

    • vandynegl profile image

      vandynegl 5 years ago from Ohio Valley

      Very beautifully written.

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