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Being a Wife And as Well as a Mother is a Woman's no Mean Responsibility
Being a Wife as Well as a Mother
Women’s prime place in this world has come about primarily because of the reproductive role of women, which is seen as more than just reproducing the species but also the propagation of the culture –styles of dress, behavior, relationship between adult and children, family cooking styles, and domestic roles. The business of being a wife, a good wife does not come accidentally. A woman must work at being a good wife. The wife who confuses the order of things and puts her child before her husband will most probably have a husband who feels rejected. Proverbs 14:1 says, “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”
This has been one of the causes of disagreements in home. Do you constantly put your husband down with unkind remarks? Do you demand to have your own way most of the time? Do you feel you are very wise, but your husband and children are stupid? Proverbs 24:3 says, “Through wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established.” When the man feels neglected, he may be tempted to seek for affection outside his matrimonial home leading to infidelity.
“I think there’s a way to grow and develop the soul mate experience with your partner. It’s attainable in reality, but only when it’s part of mature adult love. That is, it emerges from a sustainable adult relationship ---blend of erotic desire, friendship, and respect and support of each other’s growth and development as independent, different human beings.” Source: “Your Soul Mate Fantasy: How to Make It a Reality.” PsychologyToday.com.
I am not saying that a woman is only considered a wonderful wife if she totally focus on the needs of her husband. Or that her every waking moment is motivated by serving her husband, but she has a role to play in making her husband’s world a better place. Showing true love means helping other become better people. Do you look at your husband and be horrified by his weaknesses? Instead, with eyes of love, try to look past your husband’s flaws, recognizing that you equally have a few flaws yourself. Hence God has placed you together look yourselves as harmonious complements to one another. Be patient with your husband and with the difficult times that are inevitable in marriage. Be on the page with your husband so that when he is happy, you are happy with him. When he is down, you show concern.
As a wife, one of your favorite ways to get back at your husband is to hold a grudge. Or you give him the silent treatment or throw tantrum, or even withhold sex, all to prove you’re hurt. Practice profound principle of forgiving and dropping past hurts, not only for the sake of your husband, but for your own sake. After all, what do anger, bitterness, and hatred attitude do for you? They only make you bitter and have negative effect on your relationship. Seeking not to revenge doesn’t mean that you are a doormat. Forgiving is a sign of strength. It takes strength of character to forgive ant not hold a grudge. Forgiveness is the key element in any relationship.
Another consequence of such situation is that unsatisfied husband may grow to resent any child who seems to take first place in his wife’s life. Since this wife may now lack a companion and lover, she sometimes attempts to make a substitute husband out of her child, thereby complicating the whole situation. Proverbs 12:4 says, “A worthy wife is her husband’s joy and crown; a shameful wife saps his strength.”
She may also communicate frustration and low regard for her husband to the child, which may even cause the child to develop disrespect or even hatred for the father. When women insist on being wives first and mothers second, they enrich the lives of their husbands, children and selves. This will bring out the best in the man. He will execute his function as head of the family better. Men equally need attention. Many women are fond of trying to get the children to their side when they disagree with their husbands. This is very dangerous because in most cases the family bond becomes broken and the family falls apart. Deal with your disagreement with your husband and leave your children out of it. No matter what you do, he is still their father and they need the presence of both of you for balanced personality development.
Another basic fact a wife needs to understand is to accept her husband for what he is and not try to change him. Many people think that after they are married their spouses will change. Most of the time, this doesn’t happen the way we desire. Ruth Graham says, “Tell your mate the positive, and tell God the negative. God can change your husband not you. Whenever you try to change your husband, you are likely to provoke tension and resistant in him. Men have the strong tendency to do the opposite of what you want them to do, if they feel they are being forced to do something against their will. You may find yourself becoming angry, unkind, resentful, and moody because of your husband’s shortcomings, these responses will only impede your relationship rather than improve it. Remember the exhortation of Ephesians 4:29: “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.”
A wife needs to concentrate on her husband’s good qualities and express admiration and appreciation for them and carefully mention those weaknesses that need to be addressed. You must be patient and don’t give it a ‘fire brigade approach.’ Tell your husband how smart, handsome, trim and wonderful he looks to you. Be understanding of the heavy burdens he shoulders –the difficulties and hardships he faces in bearing the financial responsibilities of the family. By encouraging him, he will obviously want to do things to please you. Be his biggest morale booster, and make home fun to return to –a haven from the rigors of the day. Your actions will encourage him to spend more time at home with you and the children.
It is almost impossible for a man to feel tenderly about a woman who is constantly criticizing him or suggesting that he need to change his ways.
The role of the mother is just as varied and important as that of the father. “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie,” said Tennera Jordan. This depicts that a woman should be ready to sacrifice.
There is a time when a wife must stand up, get away, and take care of her children as well. Granted, most husbands would love their wives to be great sex partners, thrifty spender or good organizer of the home. These are nice qualities but the woman has to also mother to her children. A woman who has no moral principles and values cannot be a good mother.
Child psychologists affirmed that every child has certain basic emotional needs that must be met if he is to be emotionally stable. Among those emotional needs, none is more basic than the need for love and affection, the need to sense that he or she belongs and is wanted. With an adequate supply of affection, the child will likely develop into a responsible adult. Without that love, he or she must not.
How do you talk with your children? Do you converse with them just as you would with a good friend? Or do you bark orders at them or nag and use tone of voice that depicts impatient, bored monotone. Remember your children need love to grow well as they need oxygen. Some mothers treat their children like objects; not like human beings. They are inconsiderate of them, rude to their friends, and don’t care to know their children’s feelings.
Bill Mckee in his book, Shut Your Generation Gap, says that suspicious parents produce sneaky kids. Be careful not to accuse your children of some wrong without basis.
During the early years of child rearing the woman devotes a great deal of her time to homemaking tasks. “My role as wife and mother is enriching. I give up a bit of myself (It is just what one can do for the people one loves), but when I do it, I do it willingly and what I get out of it in return is more than what I give,” a woman told me.
Most importantly, a woman must learn to balance her role of wife and mother. The entrance of a child into the husband-wife relationship will necessitate a change in the couple’s relationship. She needs to be alert to her husband’s needs during this time so that the transition will go as smoothly as possible. She must be willing to leave the baby from time to time so that she can spend undivided time and attention with her husband. If at any time he begins to feel neglected, that he is playing second fiddle to a child she is on dangerous ground. A wife who continues to meet her husband’s need for appreciation, admiration and respect will help maintain his sense of identity and his feelings of security within the relationship.
The lives you live as wives, mothers and homemakers –where else can you, as woman get the greatest fulfillment other than in a warm loving home. Admittedly, motherhood is not all a bed of roses, especially if you happen to be a career woman. Can today’s woman have it all – nice fulfilling job, loving husband, great children, a comfortable home? Well yes, but only if you learn the art of juggling home and career –if you know your priorities. Here is what a perfect career woman could do.