A letter to Child I may never have
I never had the opportunity to have a baby. I am doubting if I ever will. I do not want to give up hope and neither do I want to put too much hope. I just let it flow .... If I had, I will be the happiest person in this universe, If I did not have one then, I shall enjoy my life as it is.
Child you may not know what you mean to me ..
For some time I have been struggling with myself to accept that I may never have you. Months and years have slipped by very fast without any sign of you ever coming. Lately I have been getting pre menopausal symptoms, which says my biological clock may end anytime soon.
I really love you more then anything in the world, but it looks like you still do not want to accept my sincere love. Many nights I have played with my belly, imagining you growing.
Anticipating you to kick me from inside there. I have read that it feels like 'air bubbles' trying to push the walls of the tummy.
I wonder if you will ever know how much I look forward to holding you against my body and shower you with kisses. Child, you may not know what you mean to me, you may never know what your touch mean to me, you may never know what your kiss mean to me ... but I can .. with tears streaming my eyes I can imagine you within me and with me
Child, you are the love of my life, i want to experience the joy of having you grow in me. I want to experience the warmth of your breath against my skin. I want to be there to hold you throughout your life. Now it feels like the 'jigsaw puzzle' of my life has a lost peace and may never complete.
Child, I like to do so many little things for you, and I want you to know how precious that task would be to me. You are someone who is truly special to me and my love will grow even more as you grow older, blossoming like a flower from bud.
Dear, you would gently be urging me to do better in my life. The road would be long and yet traveling together with you would be a joy. Through the days and through the nights having you next to me would give me the courage to do things I may never imagine myself doing.
Child, I love you completely and deeply even knowing that this flower may never bloom in my garden.
Technologically Assisted Reproduction
Like many people I have gone through In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) or Intrauterine insemination (IUI) . Going through the cycle of medications and injections full of hopes and prayers, followed by the 2 weeks wait and now adding to the hopes and prayers is the talk with that 'embryo' for it to develop into baby. Then receiving that 'Negative' result is so much pain.
The question in my mind is, why am i not in those percentage of success stories who posts their baby pictures in the clinics or other social media? Why not Me ?
As I sit and think, I guess I would like to share my message to some people out there who do not want those angels in their life ...
Mommy Do not Abort ME !!
Message : Do not Abort your baby
Whenever i hear someone has aborted their baby, it hurts. Just thinking why would they do that. Don't they know the miracle or the magic of having a tiny little darling growing inside of them. Don't they feel the existence of another being within them.
Why don't they give the baby to people like me who will treasure this gift like it is mine. Love it and care for it, Give a place to stay called home. Give a mom and dad and grandparents, nieces, nephews .. a crowd called Family ..
Message : Do not Dump your baby
Many women having baby out of wedlock especially in the Asian and African countries dump their babies or even flush them down the toilets. Many of this babies do not survive as the surrounding is not appropriate for them. In most cases, dogs drag them or they are bitten by rats and ants in the dumpsters.
In this countries like India, Sri Lanka, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Malaysia and Namibia the result of the stigma of illegitimate children and the community being ill-equipped to deal with unwanted pregnancies causes the increased number of unwanted babies
This mothers could not keep their child in fear of the society which can not accept 'immoral relationships'. For some, the partner does not take responsibility of the involvement. Others include rape victim, unprotected sex or incest.
Whatever the reason can be, the baby/child or in some cases fetus is innocent.
Give US !!
There are many people like me who actually can give a home and love for this innocent being. We can shower them with so much love that the baby can drown. We can educate them and give them a great future. We can feed them food of their desires. We will then marry them of and enjoy the company of our next generation with them. They will be one of us and a part of us.