A thousand ways to say nothing at all
i miss being a kid
Goodbye cruel world
So... I have something to confess. I'm going to die. And I don't really know when or how soon but, it will eventually happen. I have seizures. Small ones...but seizures non the less. I can't tell you how much this scares me. My son (the sun to me) is gonna be without a father to show him how to be a man or fish or be a good person. It feels like there's something ripping out my heart. My heart races and I freak out. It hasn't been really that bad in the past but now these things are worse. I am exausted up to 24 hours afterwards and have to miss work. that kinda sucks cause I really don't mind my job. This thing about a thousand ways to say nothing is about just that...I don't know what to say to my kids or family thus, I am finding it easy to find just about anything else to talk about than the fact that I'm gonna go kaput. I feel like I'm gonna die every time I have one. It's called AVM. Or Focal seizures. Whatever that means. MY time on this big ball will be pointless. No marks have been made by me. And yeah I know that all I'm doing is crying about it other than doing something about it but I can't. I can't because I am just an overpaid helper which is what I've heard. But if I was overpaid then why can't I afford to go to the doctor and get help. I wish my bosses would understand that I love my job so much. I wish my family knew how much I love them. I wish.....I wish I knew how not to think of ways to keep it all in and hide my fear of leaving them all. And if anyone knows me out there....I love you guys???? If anyone is reading.....