ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

A thousand ways to say nothing at all

Updated on May 10, 2010

i miss being a kid

sometimes ithink that life can be like a minute you're up and the're down.
sometimes ithink that life can be like a minute you're up and the're down.
Me! And my big brother's wet willy finger. I love that guy.
Me! And my big brother's wet willy finger. I love that guy.

Goodbye cruel world

So... I have something to confess. I'm going to die. And I don't really know when or how soon but, it will eventually happen. I have seizures. Small ones...but seizures non the less. I can't tell you how much this scares me. My son (the sun to me) is gonna be without a father to show him how to be a man or fish or be a good person. It feels like there's something ripping out my heart. My heart races and I freak out. It hasn't been really that bad in the past but now these things are worse. I am exausted up to 24 hours afterwards and have to miss work. that kinda sucks cause I really don't mind my job. This thing about a thousand ways to say nothing is about just that...I don't know what to say to my kids or family thus, I am finding it easy to find just about anything else to talk about than the fact that I'm gonna go kaput. I feel like I'm gonna die every time I have one. It's called AVM. Or Focal seizures. Whatever that means. MY time on this big ball will be pointless. No marks have been made by me. And yeah I know that all I'm doing is crying about it other than doing something about it but I can't. I can't because I am just an overpaid helper which is what I've heard. But if I was overpaid then why can't I afford to go to the doctor and get help. I wish my bosses would understand that I love my job so much. I wish my family knew how much I love them. I wish.....I wish I knew how not to think of ways to keep it all in and hide my fear of leaving them all. And if anyone knows me out there....I love you guys???? If anyone is reading.....


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment
    • profile image

      Valerie Viclock 

      9 years ago

      I love you more than you will ever know, and you have made your mark in my life and my heart

    • _cheryl_ profile image


      10 years ago from California

      Great photos! As for a thousand ways to say nothing at all, I think we've all been there. For some reason it's not equally easy to just be down right honest with my loved ones. There are some I can speak my true feelings to with no effort at all, and some that take deep down courage to say the simplest things. I don't know about your time being "pointless"....just from what I've followed from you, you do an awesome job of sharing an infinite love for your little guy that I think we can all relate to! Seizures are scary I'm sure, but hang in thoughts and prayers are up for ya! =)


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)