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A thousand ways to say nothing at all

Updated on May 10, 2010

i miss being a kid

sometimes ithink that life can be like a minute you're up and the're down.
sometimes ithink that life can be like a minute you're up and the're down.
Me! And my big brother's wet willy finger. I love that guy.
Me! And my big brother's wet willy finger. I love that guy.

Goodbye cruel world

So... I have something to confess. I'm going to die. And I don't really know when or how soon but, it will eventually happen. I have seizures. Small ones...but seizures non the less. I can't tell you how much this scares me. My son (the sun to me) is gonna be without a father to show him how to be a man or fish or be a good person. It feels like there's something ripping out my heart. My heart races and I freak out. It hasn't been really that bad in the past but now these things are worse. I am exausted up to 24 hours afterwards and have to miss work. that kinda sucks cause I really don't mind my job. This thing about a thousand ways to say nothing is about just that...I don't know what to say to my kids or family thus, I am finding it easy to find just about anything else to talk about than the fact that I'm gonna go kaput. I feel like I'm gonna die every time I have one. It's called AVM. Or Focal seizures. Whatever that means. MY time on this big ball will be pointless. No marks have been made by me. And yeah I know that all I'm doing is crying about it other than doing something about it but I can't. I can't because I am just an overpaid helper which is what I've heard. But if I was overpaid then why can't I afford to go to the doctor and get help. I wish my bosses would understand that I love my job so much. I wish my family knew how much I love them. I wish.....I wish I knew how not to think of ways to keep it all in and hide my fear of leaving them all. And if anyone knows me out there....I love you guys???? If anyone is reading.....


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    • profile image

      Valerie Viclock 7 years ago

      I love you more than you will ever know, and you have made your mark in my life and my heart

    • _cheryl_ profile image

      _cheryl_ 7 years ago from California

      Great photos! As for a thousand ways to say nothing at all, I think we've all been there. For some reason it's not equally easy to just be down right honest with my loved ones. There are some I can speak my true feelings to with no effort at all, and some that take deep down courage to say the simplest things. I don't know about your time being "pointless"....just from what I've followed from you, you do an awesome job of sharing an infinite love for your little guy that I think we can all relate to! Seizures are scary I'm sure, but hang in thoughts and prayers are up for ya! =)