- Family and Parenting
Adoptees Are Reminded They Are Adopted When...
You Know You Are Adopted When....
Most adoptees do not think of themselves as adopted during there day to day activities. However, there are times the 2x4 adopted plank hits the adoptee right over their head reminding them of their adoptive status. Here are some situations that jars the adoptee to their adoptive identity.
When an adoptee goes to the doctor and they ask for their medical history.
Any time an adoptee sees someone in the medical profession they usually ask, "What is your medical history?" Especially for closed adoptions, most adoptees do not know the answer to this question. This question is asked at the following:
- Doctor's Office
- Dentist Office
- Massage Therapist
- Wanting to apply for life insurance
- Joining the military
- Tattoo Artist (ok, they are not a doctor, but they do ask for medical history. Why? Because they want to know of any clotting disorders before they start inserting ink in you through a needle.)
Sometimes the doctor writes in their notes, "Does not know medical history." What is bothersome about this statement is that it infers that the person can not remember their medical history.
I wish on forms, when you have to fill them out before even seeing a doctor or nurse they have a check box for the adoptee. It can simply say 'Adopted.'
When the adoptee is being introduce to a new friend of the family and they are standing next to their siblings or parents. The new family friend says, while looking at the adoptee, "You look nothing like your sister."
- Remember this Seaseme Street Song? "One of these kids is not like the other, one of these kids is just isn't the same."
- There is this uncomfortable silence and usually the adoptee says, "That's because I am adopted." Or the adoptive mother says, "That's my adoptive child."
When an adoptee tells someone they are adopted. The conversation continues as the adoptee talks about their mom and dad. The person they are talking with gets this confused look and says, "you mean your adoptive mom and dad."
- When an adoptee says mom or dad almost always they refer to the parents who raised them
- Putting a disclaimer in front of an adoptees adoptive parents seems to discredit the work and loyalty between the adoptee and adoptive parents
- Because the adoptee was raised the majority or all their life with their adoptive parents, it feels and is their parents. They do not go around and say my adoptive parents when talking about their mom and dad who raised and cared for them.
- Most often an adopteee will put the disclaimer in front of the birth parents when they talking about both sets of parents to make the distinction.
Every year on their birthday.
- Birthdays are a happy occasion for any child. However, adoptees may also think about their birthday as the day they were also relinquished. Most will not tell anyone that this is on their mind.
- The adoptee may also wonder if their birth mother is thinking about them on this day.
- When someone asks the adoptee what was their birth like? Adoptees most often do not know their birth story.
Watching TV and a genealogy commercial comes on. The commercial talks about the great joy of learning about one's great ancestors and lineage.
- Genealogy is "the study of one's ancestors--parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, and so on back through history."
- The adoptee is stumped. Some might really want to do a genealogy or family tree, but who's family does he research? The one he was raised in and it feels like his family and history? Or the one he has the blood connection to and the genes that connect him to his blood ancestors.
- If they find they are related to Paul Revere from the adoptive family line, does that mean they are also related to Paul Revere?
- The stories, holidays and family traditions are absorbed by the adoptee from their adoptive family, and yet the question remains, where do I come from?
When someone says, "Blood is thicker than water." Referring to family strength.
- Most adoptees feel their family bond is just as strong and yet it hit's them they are not from the same blood line.
- Blood IS thicker than water, but LOVE is thicker than blood. ~ Garth Brooks
When a family member needs a stem cell transplant, organ transplant or blood transfusion and you can not offer yours.
- My dad went into kidney failure. He was on dialysis for over a year. He was in desperate need of a new kidney. I was not a match. Luckily, my parents gave birth after they adopted my brother and I. My sister was able to give my dad ten more years of quality life because of her gift of love given in a kidney.
- Cancer, a body that is so ill and needs a new organ does happen. Adoptees can feel helpless when the family they love and where raised in is in need and they can not offer their tissue.
- It also goes the other way. An adoptee can become seriously ill and needs a stem cell transfusion or the like. The adoptive parents can feel helpless longer to give their child anything that would make them better, but they are not a tissue match.
© Copyright Carly Sullens 2012. All Rights Reserved.