- Family and Parenting
Adopting a child! The pros and cons!
“Orphanages are the only places that ever left me feeling empty and full at the same time.” – John M .Simmons
Adopting a child is a noble cause and there can be no second opinion that the deprived child deserves a loving home. But adoption is a life long commitment and should not be done on a sudden emotional impulse. You are dealing with the life of a child and you should not in any way hurt his sensitivity by adopting in haste and making his life torturous by being unloving and uncaring parents.
Why do want to adopt a child?
When you do not have children your relationship with your spouse gradually becomes listless and aimless. You want a child whom you can cherish and treasure. A very natural feeling! When you are unable to have a child of your own, you feel adopting a child would instill some life into your dry married life.
It is very easy to become attached to the adopted child when you do not have a child of your own. The child also feels absolutely at home and he quickly adapts himself to you and feels you are his parents. But adopting when you have your own child makes the scenario entirely different.
How does your child react to his newly adopted sibling?
Your child does not easily accept the adopted child as he feels him to be an intruder. Unless you prepare your child to be caring towards the new arrival you ruin the life of two. Are you wondering how? Your biological child feels confused that you share your love with someone who does not belong to the family. And your adopted child feels completely alien in a hostile atmosphere.
What are the things you should do to make your adopted child feel completely loved by you?
- You should not be partial towards your own child, but treat both equally.
- You should include him in all your family activities as you do your own child.
- You should show him true love and friendship.
- You should not make him feel he is adopted.
- You should not tell your relatives\friends that he is an adopted child when he is around.
Did your spouse approve of your decision to adopt a child? Did you discuss the pros and cons of adopting a child? Did you force him\her to accept your decision? You should not adopt if there is even a minute variation of opinion between you. Unless there is mutual conclusion to adopt a child, you should refrain from it as it creates a big rift between you.
Do you think living with an adopted child is easy?
It is not! Your adopted child does not immediately feel belonged to you as his mind is wary of your love and care. It is you who have to make him feel completely at home by giving him your attention and by spending quality time with him. It involves great adjustments and immense involvement from you to draw him into your warm family circle.
I know a couple who were childless and adopted a boy. Initially all was fine and they seemed to love the adopted child like their own. But as luck would have it the woman was pregnant a few years after the adoption and the life of the adopted child turned upside down. I was a direct witness to the hostility the adopted child underwent after the couple had their own child.
He was ill treated and uncared as all their attention was now diverted to their own child. The woman kept inquiring everyone whether it was possible to leave the boy back in the orphanage. When she knew there were legal hassles involved, she literally made the boy an unpaid servant at home. We advised her to love the boy, but she would not listen.
Giving a warm and loving home to a deprived child takes incredible graciousness on your part, but it also takes great efforts from you to make that child feel you to be his parents. The child should feel emotionally sheltered by you to make him trust and love you. Do you have this mindset? Only then can you adopt a child!
© 2014 mathira