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Am I My Sistah's Keeper?

Updated on June 17, 2013

XVIII

If God wanted sisters to get along when they are younger, He wouldn't give the oldest sister the best and the younger sister all the hand-me-downs. He wouldn't make obnoxious, bratty little sisters who snoop and snitch and older sisters who inflict payback whenever you two are alone. So I get it. Until sisters reach maturity, they are mortal enemies. But what happens when those juvenile scars never heal? What happens if you and/or your sister never forgive? What happens is what should never happen, the loss of a relationship with your sister.

While my sisters and I are planning for Christmas, my wife and her sister have agreed to disband their relationship, as if that is even possible. Why you may ask? Well, my wife is an arrogant snob who thinks she is better than her sister, and my sister-in-law is a selfish, hateful person with a sense of entitlement. You can see why the two of them can't get along right? But if you ask me this can all be resolved by redefining the relationship.

Often times in female relationships, be it intimate partners, mothers and daughters, or two sisters, the rivalry is based on the idea that the other person is not the person we want her to be so instead of acceptance we opt for rejection. Take for instance my sisters and me. Quite honestly, if we weren't sisters we would never talk. I absolutely hate my older sister’s fear of the unknown. In my opinion, if she wasn't so afraid of failure she would be a huge success. My younger sister, with her affection for the finer things, can involuntarily make you feel that what you have is incompetent. And my sisters hate it that all it takes is a thought to appear in my head for me to say it. It can't be easy for them dealing with a sister who never has a thought or opinion that she doesn't share. But we are not friends who went to high school together. We are sisters, so we most often tolerate from one another things we would not accept from others. On the other hand, my wife seems to only want a relationship with her sister if her sister becomes more like her and vice versa. I don’t get it. My wife had nothing but was a snob when I met her, indication for me very early on that she was and will always be a snob. My sister-in-law has always been irresponsible. Why are the two of them acting as if something changed?

Also, in the dynamic female mind, women tend to forget the good and opt to only point out the bad. My sister may lack the ambition I feel she should have but she never lets me come in town without filling my belly with good food. She is very responsible and never calls and asks me for money to help her pay her bills. My younger sister may be a snob but she is an awesome sister. She is always there for me whenever I call. She is always there for anyone whenever they call actually. She never tells me no when I say I am coming to visit and always makes sure we go to my favorite restaurant in her city. And if my wife would stop to acknowledge that her sister was a huge help to her when she had her son, she could probably stop making such a big deal of all her flaws. When my wife had her son, my sister-in-law would come get him on Saturdays, and they would spend the entire day in Chuck E Cheese. Each Christmas she spoils him with all the name brand clothes we refuse to buy, and those are his favorites. And perhaps my sister in law could see that my wife, her sister, may not be the one to call for a loan, but she's a great designated driver, an awesome auntie, and can be a great shoulder to cry on.

Before I published this blog my wife corrected me. She reminded me that my sisters, as adults, never told me they hated me. She reminded me that my sisters don't only call me when they need me. She reminded me that I value my relationship with my sisters and that she does not. She reminded me that blood is thicker than water and so when it is diluted, sometimes it never comes back together. And she reminded me to value what I have because all sisters don't, can't, or will never have what we have. I LOVE MY SISTERS!

Update: My wife and her sister made up. Her partner and I worked hard to convince the two of them to have a sit down. They did just before the Christmas holidays and have been communicating well since that time. Unfortunately, my relationship with my younger sister took a turn for the worst. Perhaps I overstepped my boundaries or maybe she is being a little too sensitive. Either way, our relationship has become strained. As it stands, we could perhaps tolerate sharing a meal, but no more vacations together for a while. For me, being friends with my sisters is great, but having a sister who is simply a sister is fine too.

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    • AMarie Jackson profile image
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      AMarie Jackson 4 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      You're so right. Watching this insanity firsthand is hard, but I can fairly look at both people's perspectives and see how both parties have contributed to the outcome. But as a teacher I have learned that no one learns to act in a certain way or transform the way they think without a sincere desire for change. Ultimately, I pray for healing.

    • profile image

      Brenda P. 4 years ago

      Yes, you are your sister keeper. Some things you just have to keep praying on for God to give you healing to go on. Its good that you have that kind of relationship with your sisters so, thank God for your sisters.

    • AMarie Jackson profile image
      Author

      AMarie Jackson 4 years ago from Summerville, South Carolina

      Thank you very much. I agree. Even if you all only get together once or twice a year, it's better than not at all. It's not just about the two adults who are involved, but it is also about the proceeding generations who are denied the right to get to know one another.

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 4 years ago from Minnesota

      I can relate to this hub so much. I think family is important but it's also alright to admit that we don't have to be best of friends because of the blood. My twin sister is my best friend but my older sister is difficult-(I'm putting it mildly). I still feel that it's the right thing to get together at holidays and celebrate family, even if there are some fights, disagreements and huge differences. Great hub.