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Dealings with kids getting older, and why sometimes being a Mom is a sad job, even on the happiest days.

Updated on June 9, 2014

Lyric and I- 4 years ago

NOT FOR REDISTRIBUTION
NOT FOR REDISTRIBUTION | Source

My little secret

Nothing reminds you of how time flies by like your children's birthdays. I always get a sense of dread, sadness or maybe loss when I celebrate one of my children's birthdays. As much as I try not to take the shine out of or attention away from the joy in my children's milestones there is an undeniable mood that lingers throughout the celebration of these exciting holidays & birthdays. It's almost as if while the day is marching on and the excitement is in the air; I can almost hear a clock ticking in the background reminding me that as happy and exciting as the birthdays and passing holidays are, realistically they are an unwelcome countdown. They are bringing me one step closer to "the day" when they are independent, working, adults. I know this must sound really self serving and almost depressing but if I'm being honest I have to acknowledge the things I just described. As I worry about the passing time I also feel shameful that I'm robbing the present to spend time worrying about the future. I have a really bad habit of worrying about things that are years to come or may never happen; I'm a scenario setter (yes I just made that up-purely speculative/counterproductive-scenario setter, LOL).

Is anybody with me?

I do not know if I am (and I hope I am not) alone in this feeling or if we all feel the same and just don't speak of it. But it certainly is an isolating feeling. I certainly would not spend my son's birthday complaining to our guests how his birthdays make me feel like I would rather be in bed with a bottle of wine watching video's of his first 4 years on repeat so I can torture myself with thoughts of how his future wife will steal him from me; as you can bet I'm already convinced there is no female alive that will be good enough for him.

Ugh, I hate that this is how I feel, it makes me feel guilty and ugly but it's my truth and I hope as he grows I will in return come to terms with my only son becoming a man...SOMEDAY, in the future...a LONG time from now.

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Do you secretly feel sad when it's a holiday or birthday?

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© 2014 Karen Ranoni

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