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Who Raises Your Kids?

Updated on June 19, 2013

Quality Time = Happy Family

Spend a little time...

Welcome to Earth, I brought you here!

What has happened in the short time that has passed since I have been a child? America is crumbling and we can point at politicians and blame video games but I think its time that we look a little closer to home (you know, that place where all of the members of one family are supposed to spend time together and eat together). I grew up in the days when families went for bike rides together, played board games (what are those???), went to parks, had picnics. Sure maybe the average family size has declined over the past 10-20 years, but we still keep having kids, we just don't want to parent or don't know how. I know, I know... all the parents out there (including me) are getting defensive now, but are really parenting? A note on the table that dinner is in the microwave or sending your kid off with 20 bucks to get something to eat because we won't be home for dinner isn't exactly the kind of "family time" that I remember. Passing by each other a couple of times a day with a smooch that is lucky to connect the lips? Eating dinner in front of the tv? Breakfast...what's that? Have your kids ever seen you on a bike or have grass stains on your knees? Do you know at least 3 of your child's best friends and their one arch enemy? Do you know their favorite food, color, song and movie? Do they know about all of your sappy memories? If we aren't the number one person raising our children, then the world will do it for us. Considering the place that America has found itself in, I don't think that will bring ideal results.

Brain Development

Our brains are continuing to develop until at least age 25. If our children aren't capable of fully understanding things like long-term consequences or coping strategies then we need to be making some of their decisions for them. We can only hope that in doing so, they will learn how to make similarly appropriate decisions when the time comes that would require them to do so. Kids count down the days until they turn 18 and think when they do they're grown ups and must know everything. That is so far from the truth!!! It is during this time that they couldn't need us more.

Relationships

It is our relationships that we have with our children, from in the womb to the day we die that give them the tools and strength they will need to get through life. I absolutely believe in hard love. Children shouldn’t be coddled and spoiled but they mustn’t be neglected or abused. We need to love hard, love and acceptance need to be obvious. We need to give our children rules and guidelines, boundaries and consequences. They will respect us later for giving them the best of both worlds later. I have witnessed and been victim to doing it all the wrong ways. There is a wrong way and a right way; we just individualize these in our own homes. Reach out and grab your child and raise them. Don’t give yourself the chance of looking back on life and being full of regrets. Do the best you can now while there is time. There is no such thing as too late, there is no such thing as too far gone. So, we could be doing things better, maybe we have messed up. Don’t sit and wallow in pity, make a change.

It's never too late to make memories!

Whether we plan for our children or they are surprises doesn’t have to determine our quality of parenting. I have seen planned families struggle to figure it out and I have seen unexpected families flourish. So let’s not blame poor parenting on the “I wasn’t ready” excuse, quite frankly, if you have a kid, it’s too late for that. Our families become victims to the world we live in; finances strain the home and often pull us away to work more and work harder. The increase and obsession of media and technologies have become our babysitter and entertainment. I can promise you that any one activity you do with your child, like flying kites at the park or going on some kind of free adventure, will be a memory long beyond their friend’s Facebook status. Kids are so amazed with the simplest of things that we should take advantage of every opportunity to awe them and create a little magic in their lives. Look back on the fondest of memories from your childhood and ask yourself if your children have the same quality memories.

Family Time

Do you spend as much time as you would like with your family?

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    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Careermommy,

      Thank you! I've gotta tell ya... just listening to you say that you want that kind of a childhood for your kids and you try to make it happens, makes me certain that you've got going for you what a lot of other families don't. I'll bet your kids will be able to look back 20 years from now and some of their fondest memories will be what you're creating. You can work full-time and be a full-time GOOD mom :-)

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Cat

    • Careermommy profile image

      Tirralan Watkins 4 years ago from Los Angeles, CA

      Great hub! I've got so many great memories from childhood, and I pray my kids will have even more, and better, fond memories. I try to create special moments and spend as much time with them as possible, in spite of having to work full-time. Thanks for sharing.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      Au fait,

      Thank you! Wow, you said it beautifully; I almost had to laugh at the second part because it's so true! I really couldn't buy my kids everything in the world, money is flowing through my house; but there are things that I make them go without and stall on. I don't care how many of my kids' friends have cell phones... I didn't have one until I was an adult and had my own child! How did we make it through our lives without cell phones? Now, people couldn't imagine being without one. I remember actually using payphones, my kids probably don't know what they are.

      My fondest memories are the things that my family did as a child and most of it was free stuff; picnics, a day at the lake, bike rides, camping and walks. I do these things with my kids and sometimes I wonder if we're the only family doing them.

      I joke that I don't like the "soccer moms", I use that phrase for the ladies that show up at kids' games dressed in their evening wear and talk about all of the wonderful things they have, how perfect their lives are, how beautiful their houses are and all of the wonderful things their involved in. Sounds to me like the family is too busy doing all of the things that "look" good to actually just spend "family time" together.

      I listen to parents complain about what the world is turning into and how kids are turning out and I wonder who their blaming... it starts at home and home shouldn't be empty all the time.

      Thanks so much... I always love your take on these issues!

      Cat

    • Au fait profile image

      C E Clark 4 years ago from North Texas

      What you say is true. If parents don't make the time for their children, the world will take over and they may not like the results. Unfortunately too many people value material things over people, especially children people. Their children grow up with the same values -- accumulating 'things.'

      Obviously we all need to provide a roof, food, medical care, etc., but we don't need that roof to be in Westchester County NY, we don't need that food to be delivered from the Waldorf, and we don't have to have 2 or more cars and all designer clothes and whatever the latest cheap piece of plastic junk is from China, etc., etc., etc.

      There needs to be time for the children and time for each other, assuming there is an 'each other.' When time is not spent together, together becomes apart. Time is the most valuable things we have and it should be used as much as possible for the other most valuable thing we have -- the people we love.

      Voted up and will share this article!

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      pinto2011,

      Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. You know, no two people are the same and nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors. I might be a little goofy, but my kids are the only people that absolutely depend on me and I will absolutely affect the kind of people they become. I just hate to see children suffer and it seems that a lot of people aren't parenting anymore.

      Thank you so much!

    • pinto2011 profile image

      Subhas 4 years ago from New Delhi, India

      You have described parenting with true and realistic dimension. These things really connects us very well.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      whonu,

      Thank you so much, I really do appreciate it and I am so grateful that you stopped by to see I'm not completely twisted or immature. I couldn't agree with you more. I see neglected kids, the family unit deteriorating and values and morals out the window. It's not that long ago that I was a kid but so much has changed in so little time. I almost fear the world my children will grow up in. Thank you for the years of teaching, I'm sure you touched and changed some lives.

      Thanks again!

      Cat

    • whonunuwho profile image

      whonunuwho 4 years ago from United States

      This was a timely work and well appreciated. As a teacher of many years, and also my wife, we came to the realization very quickly, that we were often the only real parents who cared about the kids in our classes. Many parents, though they may love their children, are not aware of what effects and hazards there are our there to harm kids. Thanks for this very nice hub and well done. whonu

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      ComfortB,

      We all have things to do that take us away from our kids... but caring and making a difference when you can spend time together is what counts! That's awesome that you're playing scrabble with them; you're killing two birds with one stone! Your kids will remember these scrabble games 20 years from now!

      Thank you!

    • ComfortB profile image

      Comfort Babatola 4 years ago from Bonaire, GA, USA

      I must confess that spending time with my kids is almost impossible during weekdays, but we've been spending more and more time together on weekends. We left our Scrabble Game Box on the coffee table as a constant reminder of what we need to do together.

      Great hub. Voted up and useful.

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      mary615,

      Thank you so much. I've heard so much about that book; I'm almost ashamed I haven't read it, but I'll definitely have to check it out!

      It's sad, kids need and want attention and guidance and the family unit just doesn't seem to be what is used to.

      I can't believe how much kids have changed since I was one... it wasn't that long ago.

      Thanks again!

    • mary615 profile image

      Mary Hyatt 4 years ago from Florida

      You have said exactly what I feel about raising children. I am reading "It Takes A Village" for the third time by Hillary Clinton. We parents are failing our children by not taking enough time with them. You can clearly see that if you watch kids now a days: their behavior, etc.

      Voted UP and will share.

    • PaoloJpm profile image

      John Paolo B.Magdaluyo 4 years ago from Philippine

      Your welcome! :-)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      ExpectGreatThings,

      Aw, you're going to make me feel bad. See it is stepping back and realizing that maybe we've not been spending as much quality time with our kids and making an effort or caring that makes someone like you a great mom. I think that it's natural for us all to get "caught up in life" sometimes, but making a conscious effort is what really counts. It saddens me to see the families that fall into that groove and never come back or even worse, the families that choose not to give their time to their kids. I just told my kids this week that we had to spend some serious quality time together this weekend because I'm feeling like they haven't been seeing much of me lately. :-) Thank you!

    • ExpectGreatThings profile image

      ExpectGreatThings 4 years ago from Illinois

      It's funny how quickly I can go from being a balanced mom to being one who is caught up in looking through emails and new hubs. Thanks for the reminder :)

    • Cantuhearmescream profile image
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      Cat 4 years ago from New York

      PaoloJpm,

      I think we have come a long way as far as gender or racial equalities and ways of thinking, for example. My point is that I see so many families not being families anymore. Parent's don't know what is going on in their kids' lives and kids are being taught some basics and life-lessons from their parents. Who wants an overbearing parent? No one, but I'd like to see more effort than less. Thanks!

    • PaoloJpm profile image

      John Paolo B.Magdaluyo 4 years ago from Philippine

      well, yes, its important for us to spend quality time with our family. But, in my situation? I rather keep on walking in an undecided road. But, in recent generation of our youths are little bit misled. And most of the reasons who are cought by authority are the less attention and proper guidance by their parents.