Anti-Disciplining Your Children
Not The Same Old Rhetoric...
This hub is going to take things in a bit of a different direction. Instead of going over the same old rhetoric on the proper ways to discipline your child, instead, we are going to look at how to anti-discipline your children. Not only should this prove to be fun and entertaining, but I find it more useful to know what not to do, because the amount of things you can do is pretty limitless.
Parenting is such a unique job, that no one expert can sit back and tell you how to raise your children. I'm not going to claim it's any easier to educate parents on what not to do, but you never know what you might be able to take away from this. The worst thing you risk is that nothing changes. The best thing you risk, is that your parent-child relationship grows to become a healthy and successful.
Reward Them For Bad Behavior...
When you're looking to anti-discipline your child, one of the best ways you can do so, is to reward them for their bad behavior. One of the greatest things about this step, is that most parents can do it without even thinking about it! And even when they do think about it, it becomes such an easy habit to go along with, that it becomes second nature - like thinking.
In what ways can you reward your children for bad behavior? Here's a list...
(1) When they cry or whine - give them what they want.
(2) When they throw a tantrum - give them what they want, then pacify them until they calm down.
(3) When they don't play nice - just laugh or shrug it off - it's no big deal... right?
(4) Give them anything they ask for - even if they don't say please or thank you and even if they ask you in a disrespectful manner.
(5) When they misbehave - let them watch TV.
(6) When they don't want to eat the dinner you make for them - offer to make them whatever they want and then give them dessert afterward.
(7) When you ask them to do something and they don't do it - scold them and then do the chore or task yourself.
If you can do these things or anything similar to them, you will be well on your way to anti-disciplining your child. It's a small step, but you'll get there soon!
Punishment is great anti-discipline because punishing is the opposite of disciplining.
Discipline - The art of enabling your child to grow, take care of themselves and function in a mentally and physically healthy manner through guidance and tough love.
Punishment - Acting out in a moment of anger in an attempt to get children to understand what they did wrong and correct their behavior in the future.
Punishment is very often confused with discipline. Though if you're going to get this anti-discipline thing right, you're going to want to make sure you've got your punishment skills down pat. To help you out, here's a list of ways you can regularly punish your child.
#1. When your child misbehaves - yell at them. (very effective!)
#2. When your child misbehaves - spank, pinch or flick them.
#3. When your child doesn't listen - yell louder.
#4. When your child misbehaves - use empty threats. This works best by telling them they'll lose their privileges, toys or activities for an impossible amount of time or forever.
#5. When you punish your child - never clarify what they did wrong or explain why your punishing them.
#6. Seek more reasons to punish your child then to reward them, or at least ignore them when they do something worth rewarding.
#7. Ignore your child for most of the day - then punish them when they act out for your attention.
Punishment is an important part of the anti-discipline model. Without it, your just disciplining your children. We can't have that!
Do Everything You Don't Want Your Child to Do...
This one is probably the easiest of skills for most parents to master. Not to mention, being a hypocrite is one of the best ways you anti-discipline your child. It's fast, easy and self gratifying. All things you want to teach your kids.
So whether it's smoking, drinking, having sex, fighting, arguing, using dirty language, name calling, spitting, wasting money, being a bigot, being impatient or not cleaning up after yourself - make sure your doing everything you ask your children not to do.
All the "best" parenting experts have said that being consistent is the best way to help guide your children in a healthy adult-hood. So in order to anti-discipline your child, you'll want to make sure to give them heaping loads of inconsistency.
You can do so easily by:
*Using a different threat or punishment for each misbehavior
*Telling them you'll go do something with them, then not doing it
*Making empty promises or breaking promises most of the time
*Letting them get away with something one day that they wouldn't normally get away with
*Allowing them to misbehave at someone else's house or out in public, where you would normally discipline them at your own home.
*Tell them you really don't like the rules either, but we still have to listen to them.
*Tell your children they have to listen to you, but make sure you never listen to them.
*Tell your child that they have regular chores, but make sure they don't usually have to do them.
*Make your expectations of your child's behavior clear, but then never hold them to your clear expectations.
*When you do discipline your child - make sure to coddle them and apologize for doing so.
The sad truth...
is that most parents are much better at anti-disciplining their children, then they are at disciplining them. It stems from a number of problems - how our parents raised us, television, society, religion, guilt, public education. Though even with these obvious triggers that create an environment of anti-discipline, most parents just don't realize what they are doing. At the point where you realize you are anti-disciplining your child, you have one of two paths you can take from there:
1. Continue on to become an expert in the art of anti-disciplining your child
2. Recognize that we all make mistakes, don't beat yourself up and make the change to a healthy discipline model. It's better for you and your children anyways.