ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Are You A Problem Parent?

Updated on August 5, 2014

Foreword

I write on this subject from the experience of raising children of my own and dealing with and observing other parents and their children for a period of 5+ years as a board member of a small town summer baseball league. My husband was League Commissioner during that time period. I found it very interesting to watch the behaviors resulting from the different parenting styles.

Warning Signs and Prevention

We often hear or read about conflict between child and coach or teacher from a parent’s point of view, but seldom do we delve into teachers’ complaints on the subject. As the adult in the equation, the teacher or other authority figure is expected to retain control of a given situation. The reins of control are loosened when a problem parent enters into the picture.

Some parents simply delight in “stirring the pot”. Others do not see themselves as being problematic. That is not to say one should never take up for their child. On the contrary, there are instances in which one would be remiss in not checking closely into a situation. However, some parents tend to run interference too much. Even though they may have good intentions, running interference too much for a child can be detrimental to him or her.

RECOGNITION

There are warning signs that signal one may be a problem parent. Honest answers to the questions below may help parents recognize certain behaviors, their own and their child’s that may indicate problem parenting:

1. Do you often intervene on your child’s behalf?

2. Does your child always look to you to take care of a problem?

3. Are you pushier than other parents you know in situations pertaining to your child?

4. Do you always try to make things better for your child?

5. Can your child deal with uncomfortable situations without falling apart?

You may see a problem parent “working the crowd” at school functions, stirring dissension between other parents and teachers. Effects on their children vary greatly. Children of problem parents may be those “in your face” kids who think rules apply to everyone except them, or perhaps the child you noticed attempting to hide behind the water cooler to escape notice, especially when his/her parents are present.

Recognizing unsuitable behavior in oneself is the first step in correcting the tendency to be a problem parent. The next is actually having the desire not to be one.

PREVENTION

If you wish to avoid joining the ranks of problem parents, or would like to reverse the tendency you may have recognized in yourself, the following guidelines may help:

1. Do not complain about a teacher or coach in the presence of your children. Unless you believe there is a serious problem, in which case you should take it up with whomever the complaint is against, try letting the child work it out with the teacher.

2. If your child is complaining to you about a teacher or coach, always pay attention to what they are saying, but remember that kids will play parents against teachers if they fall for it. Do not encourage dissension. Instead, offer your child ideas on how he/she might handle the matter on their own.

3. Is it always someone else’s fault? One may rest assured, it is not. Whether or not you believe your child, letting him/her get by with spouting off this excuse every time something happens is doing the child a great disservice. This can turn into a lifelong habit that will not be well received in the work force or any other facet of the grown up world.

4. If a situation has gone far enough that you feel you must speak with the teacher or coach, always listen to both sides of the story. Hear them out before making assumptions.

On the opposite side of the scale, overbearing parents who constantly check on how their child is progressing can cause a lack of confidence in their children. That child may be working hard at doing their best for their parents, but forgetting to be proud of the successes they have already attained.

Parents want what is best for their children. Making the determination on what is best for them is where we begin to differ. Parents who never interfere are probably as bad as the parents who always interfere. Striking a balance seems to be the key.

Whether it is our parenting skills in question, or children learning to deal with life, mistakes give knowledge, as do successes. We celebrate our child’s successes, but we must also teach them to deal with failure. If we do our part as parents, our children will soon discover truth in the old adage, “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure”.

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • Karen Ray profile image
      Author

      Karen Ray 3 years ago from Oklahoma

      Thanks, Autumn, for reading and commenting. Good luck with your litte one. Sounds like you are off to a good start.

    • Autumn McNeil profile image

      Autumn McNeil 3 years ago from Tucson, Az

      This was a great article! I enjoyed reading it, as I am a fairly new mom and still trying to learn good ways to interact with the little one. I do believe that making sure to be a good role model is important to children. They look up to us and it is only fair to them for us to give them a good role model to look up to. It is also very important to teach little ones how to think and solve problems. Thanks for sharing!

    • Karen Ray profile image
      Author

      Karen Ray 3 years ago from Oklahoma

      Thanks for reading. You are so right about parents shouldn't pile on to the victim mentality. If they only realized what they set their kids up for sometimes!

    • baseballbrains profile image

      baseballbrains 3 years ago

      Very good hub Karen, nice job. There's some great advice in this, especially the "not encouraging dissension". Sometimes if a child is complaining often about a particular coach or player, it's easy for a parent to just pile on in the name of agreement. There are many ways to disagree with your child peacefully if they are making excuses by way of coaches or officials, and sometimes that is as simple as not saying much at all! Be supportive, listen, add some positive advice if need be, but never pile on and contribute to the victim mentality that is easy to develop and hard to get rid of!

    • Karen Ray profile image
      Author

      Karen Ray 7 years ago from Oklahoma

      Thank you both for reading. It is always interesting to me to read the comments about other's experiences on the subject.

    • prairieprincess profile image

      Sharilee Swaity 7 years ago from Canada

      Karen, this is very true. As a teacher, I have dealt with some parents that really made the situation worse by believing that their little angel darlings could do no wrong! Great hub.

    • Truckstop Sally profile image

      Truckstop Sally 7 years ago

      Great hub! You are right - a parent must be their child's bigest cheerleader BUT . . . when it goes too far. Teachers' nicknames for problem parents may include HM for High Maintenance. And/or they will say -- She (since it is often the Moms complaining the most/loudest) needs to get a job!

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: "https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr"

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)