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Avoiding Child Abuse By Learning The Art Of Parenting

Updated on June 8, 2009


Most of the people believe that parenting is a natural thing and comes with the birth of a child, especially for a woman. Men living with a family learn it with passage of time and intimacy with a child. On the other hand, a temporary parent, such as a foster parent or a person who wishes to adopt one has to learn it by attending classes and courses to qualify them as parents.

The fact is that an abusive parent can be a biological parent as well as an adoptive or a foster parent. No amount of training and teaching can change an adult’s nature and conduct. What really matters is the fact that a person loves a child and this love is unconditional.

A toddler has a very low limit of understanding and cannot relate  a punishment to his or her actions.
A toddler has a very low limit of understanding and cannot relate a punishment to his or her actions.

Beginning Of child Abuse

Although anyone can become a parent just be a stroke of luck or even by a careless interaction, but acting responsibly towards your child is not just by a stroke of luck. Child abuse records show that people have been abusing children even in their infancy. This is basically due to the lack of parenting knowledge.

As every child have his own pace of growth and a different timeframe of achieving their development milestones, the child comes under fire for not achieving what the parents see another child doing at the same age. This has been a very strong reason for parents to act irrationally with a toddler or a preschooler.

What has to be realized is that nothing is wrong with the child’s learning but it is the parents who need an additional class or two.

A child should never be beaten for any offense but made to understand right from wrong
A child should never be beaten for any offense but made to understand right from wrong

Pre-teen Abuse

The terms disciplining and abusing are indeed far apart, but the difference in their practical implication has a hairline boundary. Some parents with the intent to discipline their kids very easily transgress across this boundary in to the realm of abuse without actually having any bad intensions.

What is needed for the parents to understand is that this is the age of a child to explore and experiment the world beyond the four walls of the house being separated from the parents. They learn a lot of things from others at play and at school and interact as an individual. They need to be guided but not punished for follies. These kids still need timeout and curfews but not sever punishments which fall in the category of abuse.

handle your teens in a considerate manner to ensure that they trust you and confide in you.
handle your teens in a considerate manner to ensure that they trust you and confide in you.
Teen abuse can lead to a lot of complications in personality
Teen abuse can lead to a lot of complications in personality

Teen Abuse

This is the most delicate period of a child’s life where the final imprint on a personality is casted. A teen is a person who needs extra careful handling by the parents as after this parents relation with a child will totally depend on adult reciprocal basis. A teen who is severely punished and abused by the parents is likely to become a negative personality who considers many wrongs as rights and continues the legacy of child abuse with his own children.

This is the minimum negative effect, where as it is a proven fact that almost all of the notorious criminals have records of childhood abuse by their caregivers which led them to the world of crime and psychopathic life.

Who needs parenting guidance?

It is not a matter of shame or embarrassment, but a common fact that we all do not know everything about everything. We all love our kids and want the best for them. This best should start right from our own homes and right from a mother’s lap and father’s arms.

A child must feel secure with his parents and have the confidence in his parents as his rescuers from a situation at any age right from toddlerhood to teens. This is only possible when a parent knows how to handle a situation and the best way is to learn parenting to avoid inappropriate action on the part of the parent.

As a parent you should:

· Accept the way your child is as an individual.

· Take advice from parents with more parenting experience and with successful kids.

· Approach parenting groups in your area.

· Read good books about parenting and know about child development stages.

One must realize the fact that when we decide to grow plants and flowers in our garden we do not hesitate to read and get advice about tending to their needs and proper care, then why we should not get the same for tending the biggest treasures of our life. Our children.

A great resource for the parents to help their children grow healthy and unabused
A great resource for the parents to help their children grow healthy and unabused


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    • Owais Siddiqui profile imageAUTHOR

      Owais Siddiqui 

      6 years ago

      @CastleQueen You are absolutely right. I am a father of 3 boys aged 16, 11 and 1.5 and I love them more than my life. They are all good boys and they also love me to an extent that their mom feels Jealous sometimes. The elder 2 got their share of glares, shouting, time outs and spanking when needed. At the same time they also got pampered and adequately rewarded for being good or for their achievements. This is the reason they love me. I have done what needed to be done and never out of rage or anger, but to make them good individuals and that is what matters most.

    • CastleQueen profile image


      6 years ago from West Virginia

      Though I agree there is no excuse for abusing a child. There is a difference between abuse and discipline Just saying to some children hey that was wrong do it this way next time teaching them right from wrong isn't always enough. My parents spanked my behind when I needed it and I respect them for it. I think too often parents dont want to be bothered with their children so its either nicey nicey and let the children do what they want or if they don't listen beat them, with no middle ground. I also believe that the reason the % of abuse in homes is so high is because of what is now considered abuse. Spanking your child's behind with your hand more that three times is abuse. They say roll up a newspaper and swat your hand with it while reprimanding your child it'll scare them and deter the behavior. Such B.S!!! Look at the difference in society today and 50 years ago. ask someone in their 50's why they listened to their parents and why they didn't sass or get into trouble at school. Why didn't they curse and end up getting into worse trouble when they were younger. Most of the time its because. "I respected my parents." Why? " I got by behind whopped if I didn't" I'm not saying to abuse children. I was abused by my bio parents. I was disciplined by my adoptive parents. There is such a big difference. Knowing the difference is key. But I do believe in a butt spanking when needed. I fear what the world is coming too because people don't discipline their children. The laws need to back off of the parents who are just disciplining though and go after the ones who really abuse. Time out- is not going to hurt your child - grounding is not going to hurt your child- a butt spanking when absolutely necessary will not hurt your child if you do it out of love and not anger. If you discipline out of love your child will learn to respect you. If you do it out of anger you risk crossing that line.

    • Owais Siddiqui profile imageAUTHOR

      Owais Siddiqui 

      6 years ago

      @ask-singleDad I have just pointed out the reason for being irrational. There is no excuse for doing that

    • ask-singleDad profile image


      6 years ago from Colorado Springs, CO

      "This has been a very strong reason for parents to act irrationally with a toddler or a preschooler." I think you might have meant "excuse", as there is NO REASON to abuse a child.

    • Alice DeWonder profile image

      Alice DeWonder 

      7 years ago from 3rd planet from Sun

      "Accept the way your child is" This is a difficult concept for me to embrace, for all too often the apple does not fall far from the tree.

      Could it possibly be that abuse - which is found in over 70% - yes 70% - of homes, be burned into our DNA?

      Having walked the path for many moons I have witnessed child sexual abuse among children. Was it learned or is it part of that reproductive thing?

      Perhaps you'll visit and provide your reflections.

      Peace Baby


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