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Avoiding the Mommy Wars

Updated on July 6, 2010

Can't We All Just Get Along?

According to the U.S Census Bureau four million women have a baby every year. And I would bet that 3.97 million of those women suddenly feel animosity toward a mothering decision she makes. Vaginal birth or c-section? Natural birth or epidural? Breastfeed or bottlefeed? Work or stay home? Bring up any of these topics to a group of mothers, and you’ll see women who seem ready to bear arms judging by the rage that overtakes them. As soon as that pregnancy test announces it’s positive, there are a plethora of decisions to be made, and either choice causes an equally passionate response from those opposed to it, usually other mothers.

Why all this hostility between those who should be on the same team? Why is it that when you join the ranks of motherhood, you feel as if you’re in a competition and not a camaraderie? Should such infighting be the norm among those who should be one another’s greatest supporters?

I assume if you’re reading this, that you are a mother. If so, join me in dropping the “mommy wars”, as many in the media like to call them. Or as my motherhood author hero, Paula Spencer, quips, stop the “mompetition”. Someone has to take a stand against the tide, and it might as well be us.

I trust that you are a mother who loves your children and are doing the very best you can to nurture and protect them. I can safely assume that because you wouldn’t be reading an article on motherhood unless you did. I believe that most of parenting can be done from your heart. You know your children, you know your family, you know yourself. Take inventory of your choices, do your homework, and then make the decision that works best for you. Now- and this is the hard part- don’t look down on, talk negatively about, lecture, or in any other harmful way fight against those who have come to a different conclusion than you did.

There are a few issues of motherhood that we can take a hard, firm stand on and fight till the death. You don’t do anything to harm your child. You love your children unconditionally. You provide for your children’s needs. You protect your children from harm. But the rest? It’s not life or death. It’s not a battle worth hurting others or yourself over. Let’s all agree to disagree.

Mothers are miraculous. A Jewish proverb states, “God could not be everywhere, so he created mothers.” Every mother deserves to be respected, appreciated, and honored; simply because of the enormous task she has taken on of loving and nurturing small lives.

Make the right decisions for your family, and give others the freedom to make the right decisions for theirs. Then drop the arguments and insults and stand in unity with your fellow mothers. We need each other. Support mothers in your own life. Hope that those mothers will support you as well. Isn’t it time we all get along?



For Your Further Enjoyment

Momfidence!: An Oreo Never Killed Anybody and Other Secrets of Happier Parenting
Momfidence!: An Oreo Never Killed Anybody and Other Secrets of Happier Parenting

If you like frank, honest, and humorous writing about motherhood, you'll love Paula Spencer's book, Momfidence!: An Oreo Never Killed Anybody and Other Secrets of Happier Parenting.



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    • twoseven profile image


      7 years ago from Madison, Wisconsin

      I love this!! I couldn't agree more. I love the idea of non-judgmental parenting, and trusting that every other mom is doing what they believe to be best for their family. I agree we need unity among moms - we are all doing our best - thank you for writing this!


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