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Baby First...Then What?

Updated on May 13, 2012

Remember the old saying, "Johnny and Susie, Sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes Susie pushing a baby carriage."

OK, so this is over 40 years old because I remember singing it on the playground at recess-but wait...there is no recess anymore or even playgrounds. But I digress.

I have found out, in this past month, 3 young ladies that I know personally between the ages of 21-25 are pregnant without being married. 2 of them have no plans of being married and are "looking forward" to being baby mommas. At least the third young lady is engaged. But they don't have plans on being married until late September and the baby is due Christmas.

I have wondered where is the shame that these young ladies and young men should be feeling? Has today's society made it so acceptable to be pregnant without the sanctity of marriage? At least with a dog you have to have a license to own one but not with a baby! Anyone can get pregnant and not worry about who is going to stick around and raise that child. Oh wait-the momma will go on Medicaid and I will get the privilege of paying for a child that I don't get to raise. The momma and unborn baby will get to get food stamps and eat better than I do-someone who actually has a job and is contributing to the economy. The baby daddy get the slaps on the back and "that-a-boys" that his buds bestow on him. "Yeah, you the man-you knocked her up! We know you got swimmers!"

It is a SIN to fornicate, not something to be proud of. Not something to put notches on your bedpost and then not remember their name when you wake up in the morning-that is, if that person is still there in the morning.

Young women and men for that matter, have lost their modesty. It is rampant is society by the nearly naked "role models" running around endorsing sleeping with anyone that will let you. Parents have not been teaching their children to wait until marriage to lose their virginity. Nowadays, children as young as 10 are engaging in oral sex and think that there is nothing wrong with it. What has happened?

Parents now a days are being encouraged to be their children's friends rather than their parents. You, as the adult, should have friends your own age. These children are looking to you to set the rules and boundaries. They are looking at you to tell them NO!

I remember in high school that with the "tough boys" if you wanted to keep dating them, you did have sex with them. Or they would tell everyone that you did just to ruin your reputation. However, today, nobody seems to worry about a reputation.

Some who read this will call me a prude and I thank you for that. Someone needs to stand up and say that this behavior is WRONG!

A man and a woman need to know each other and develop a relationship together for a couple of years- yes I said YEARS before they get married and bring another life into this world. The old addition days of One plus One equals Two is replaced with One plus One equals Three. Couples need to realize that just because it feels good does not mean that it is right.

Some people do not believe in the sanctity of marriage-"what good is a piece of paper?" That piece of paper is your commitment to loving that person for the rest of your life-"until death do us part". Not because there is a bump in the road. Not just because she gained 15 pounds after the wedding. Not just because he went bald.

But I am concerned about the babies that are born to these unions. If there is no commitment between the parents via marriage, what is going to make them stick around to raise this life that they have created that was the result from a moment of ecstasy? Because having and raising children is not "and they lived happily ever after." There are emergency room visits in the middle of the night because the baby has a 103 degree fever. There are falls out of trees that result in broken bones. There are the days, nights, weeks and possibly months that the child will not stop crying because they have colic. Are you going to be like the 22 year old mother who killed her baby by shaking it because it would not stop crying while she was playing Farmville? Usually it is the momma that sticks around to raise the child but there are instances of where the momma runs off and leaves the daddy to take care of the baby.

What does he do? Call up his momma and ask her what to do? Because she did such a good job raising him to manhood, grandma now gets the pleasure of raising this generation? Not all baby daddys are like this but some men need a woman to help raise their children. If the baby momma doesn't stick around, there may be a revolving door of mother figures for this child and then the child is really screwed up. Are you my momma? Or are you my momma? How about you-are you my momma?

Or the reverse happens-baby daddy runs off and leaves you to raise the baby. You as a female need someone to help pay the bills so you start the revolving door as well and the cycle repeats itself as in the above paragraph.

Young people are not emotionally ready to bring a new life and see it through to adulthood. The male brain does not fully develop until the age of 27. As a young person, you should be out getting an education and seeing the world-not being tied down with an infant. You will grow to resent that child and if that happens abuse is not far behind.

So to prevent these things from happening I suggest the following



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    • needadvice1981 profile image

      needadvice1981 5 years ago

      This is a tough one... I do not support "baby's having baby's" but I have to disagree with you on the matter regarding marriage before children. I do believe in marriage but not everyone’s situation is the same or ideal even. Traditions have come and traditions have gone. It use to be that people didn’t move together or have a family until after they were Wed. I think that if 2 people love, trust, know and support one another then marriage is just a document. Would I love to marry the man that will be the Father of my child? Of course but we know how we feel for one another and that’s really all that counts.

      Happiness and love is what it is all about. Making every day worth it... marriage certificate or not.