- Family and Parenting
Baby Mama or Baby Daddy how to keep the drama at bay
Does your child's mother/father cause you lots of stress? Do you wish that you wouldn't argue so much in front of your child? Can't ever seem to see eye to eye? Why does the past keep coming up? Well these are questions that a lot of women/men ask themselves when they go splitsville from the person they have a child with because of issues. Well I'm no doctor or anything but i do have some suggestions that might help to keep the drama at bay. No matter what has happened. I mean if you have tried everything else why not look over what i have to say? Even if you may have tried it before i have afew twists on it that you won't hear from that family court ordered therapist. Yes i don't how bad it is but i have seen these tricks actually work in a really bad situation. It worked so good that I actually thought they should write a book on it. So now i will share with you what they did and how it worked. I will highlight some scenarios and then explain why the suggestion works best in that case.
Case #1 (for men) Baby mom has all the rights
Is your baby mother holding complete control of your child? You can't get the judge to hear you because she has all these past stories to bring up every time you try? Well this guy that i knew (i'm going to call him Andy) had this problem. He had almost given up hope of getting his beautiful daughter Emily (she is now 2 yrs old). Until he got a brilliant idea. He took a parenting class (on his own accord) and got a sheet saying that he attended every class (document that showed the time he was there). Then he passed the class, which taught him cpr/ first aid/ the stages of development, then he had the woman (which was mostly women there) write him a letter to court addressing his behavior while he was there and her feelings in relation to him having a child in his care. He made sure it was the head of the program and while he was there he mentioned how he missed his child in discussions. Then he (on his own accord) sent the mother money via money gram (since he didn't want to see her) and kept the records of it. He called her to give her the numbers (he kept the log) and addressed the court. Since she had accepted money from him on the child's behalf, and he took classes the court decided to give him supervised visitation until future notice. She then being as evil as she was started calling him saying things to get him mad so he could lose it. RIGHT BEFORE VISITS. So he saw it for what it was and started to go early to the visits and speak with the worker or the lady at the office. She called saying stuff as expected and was heard by the worker which she wrote down. He also had people over (family a few friends) at night when she called, to witness how she tried to make him mad. How she said he would lose his daughter. Needless to say it ended with him getting full custody of her. So my advice is obvious. Do some programs that are targeted for women and children. The women there love when guys show up on their own accord and take interest. They will have your back. Power in numbers and people with titles.
Case #2 (for women) Baby dad won't pay
A lot of women who have this problem often refer to the guy as deadbeat. Lots of women are very vocal about this. The best advice ladies came from my friend (i will call Debbie). Her son father had not paid anything since he was proven the dad. It was like he managed to hide everywhere. The courts could never find him. She wanted to be vocal about it. But then a thought came to here. WHAT WOULD IT SOLVE? Nothing. It wouldn't make him pay faster. So she decided to move on with her life. It wasn't easy but she knew she would find the right man. She did. She is now married and has two more children. The point is don't waste energy bad mouthing him. All your doing is setting a bad example for your child that IS listening. The less the child knows the better. So GET OVER IT. Yes it is sad. Yes he should help. But just let him keep hiding like the rat he is. Eventually he will get slow or be lured to a trap and will be caught. Talking crap isn't going to make it happen faster. Plus if he contacts you be civil. Which is what Debbie did. She listened to his obvious lies on why he couldn't pay. Then she said it was okay and their son was doing fine. Even though she had suffered she maintained that they was fine. You know what happened next? He got a job and paid. Think to yourself haven't you ever not paid a bill on time before? It just never was the right time? What if the people you owed called you, screaming nasty names at you? Would you pay any faster? Or dodge them more to prove a point? Ladies leave the man who doesn't pay for his own alone. He will get it eventually just do you.
Case #3 (both men&women) Always fighting
Are you always yelling at each other either over the phone or in person when your picking up your child or dropping them off or their coming to do to the same? This was the case for my friend (Jess and bob). I could never understand what really made them so angry. If he was late she screwed him out. If she forgot to pack her daughter's a swimsuit he flipped out. They argued so much their daughters ran into the car knowing they was going to argue within minutes of seeing other. They both were in relationships so that ruled that out. It was such a puzzle. Then Jess told me she knew why she always screwed his ass out at every turn. They both wouldn't let one up the other. They both unknowingly had made parenting become such a competition that they forgot the prize. The children. Instead it had been about who did what better. The children didn't even care they just wanted them to stop fighting. So what they both learned is that not to forget parenting is not a competition. Your children will love you for you. Instead of fighting or making a fuss just make it a joke. You mom forgot your toothbrush she is so silly. You dad is late again he must have stopped to buy you presents. Those are some things you can say to your children to lighten the mood. Don't fight each other accept that you both have flaws, and if it is a very serious issue go to court and leave it there. Talk civil.
In the end
In my final closing thoughts i will just say this. I know for a fact parenting is hard, it is much harder when you have to make it civil because your broken up. When the last thing you really want to do is speak with the other person. Let alone see them. EVER. Although, we have to look past our feelings and think of our babies. They need us to make it work. They need us to fight for them without having to rip the other person to pieces. The next time your about to do something rash think of your child. If the person you have a child with is being unreasonable then don't give up. Do what you can to prove you are fit to be a parent. You can handle a child. Be the better person and if you can't be with them at least support them. Always as hard as it maybe if you can't say nothing nice to each other than don't say nothing at all. Thanks for reading. :)