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Be Nice and Lie

Updated on January 5, 2013

Compassionate Liars

A very good friend of mine, whom we shall call D, stand on polar opposite sides of a certain argument; compassionate lies. I am a firm believer that we do and should compassionately lie to some people about certain things, some may call it sugar coating or being fake but it is not everyone who can handle the honest frankness of their shortcomings. Telling someone they are a little overweight for example is a lot more sensitive than telling someone you are morbidly obese, even if that latter is the truth. There are also more subtle lies that we often don’t even quantify as lies yet if you dig down you realize they are; when a friend is telling you their opinion on something and instead of pointing out the pitfalls of their argument we nods, smile and say “uh-hu”, that is generally perceived as agreement even when it often isn’t.

Now I live in a world where I can handle the plain faced truth about 85% of the time. I have found however that certain situations merit very well spoken honesty and I don’t understand when people have gravely differing ideals. Specific situation, I am currently trying to figure out how to leave my mom’s house without causing waves, I have my sister and my other mom (the one who raised me) hounding me to hurry up and make up my mind and not dwell and just tell my real mom that I am going to visit and then from there say I’m staying or say that I am going to visit my sister, blah, blah, blah. Now I decided I was going to find the appropriate time to approach the situation head on and just explain to my real mom that I need to go somewhere where I can get legitimate help with my son while I try to do my class work. My real mom suffers from high blood pressure and is herself in school. So the truth of the matter is that she can’t legitimately help me without hurting herself, I don’t want my mom to feel bad or like she failed me, since she did invite me to her home under the pretext of helping me with my son, but I also need to make sure that he and I are taken care of and my degree won’t earn itself. Therefore against what the other side was saying I spoke with my real mom as an adult and though she is sad to see us go we will only be two hours away and deep down inside I could see the partial relief in her eyes, she loves my son, but he is a handful and definitely more than she can handle.

Truth saves the day this one time, but in general I am more of the merciful liar, why? Because it took me a long time to get to where I am today, this place of realization that in some ways I kind of suck and if I just believe the merciful lies and shut myself up in those lies I will never grow. I have a long way to go in the road to becoming the person I want to be and it is a constant growing process, also a constant process of self-analysis, and psycho analyzing myself; I live in a world of merciful liars so growth is our own chore.


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