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Being Estranged From A Parent - Estrangement From My Mom
One of the saddest things in my life right now is my estrangement with my mom. I don't hate her, no I don't!! In fact, I love her so very much; so much that she'd never ever know. It’s not an estrangement from my side and not quite from her side either, yet circumstances have made our relationship sour and grow distant. Dealing with this situation has been tough. She lives with me and we cross paths every day, yet we can't communicate with each other, without the risk of getting into an argument. When we do communicate, things seem to go awfully wrong, more so because she misunderstands my intentions. We don't think alike. We are just as alike as two people can be and there's nothing unique in that. There are always differences, aren't there? The saddest thing is that she can't appreciate that fact. She'd like me to do things just the way she would. Also, she just can't help making sarcastic remarks, the type that gets me so upset. She doesn't respect my choices, including the person I chose to spend my life with. So, we have arguments all the time and it really breaks my heart.
When you know you are right and she's wrong, how do you deal with that? Do you, for instance, stop communicating to avoid any unpleasant arguments/conflicts? Not ideal, is it? I have actually taken this approach, i.e. stop unnecessary communication. It works and we don't argue as often as we used to, but it doesn't feel good. There is an emptiness in my heart. I feel guilty. She's not getting any younger and she'd be feeling lonely, without her daughter to talk to. Yet, if I start talking, as is her nature, she'd start pushing her point of view on me, and as hard as I try to ignore, sometimes I can't handle it. I've tried various things to deal with this situation, none has worked.
I wish...................If only wishes were not wishes, but reality!!
I wish she could understand me better. I just wish so much she knew how much she really means to me and how much I really do care about her. Somehow, we’ve come to a situation now where if I do demonstrate my love for her – it comes across to her as being disingenuous or made-up. Even if she doesn’t quite think like that, I can’t quite seem to break through to her and know how she really feels. We just don’t seem to connect anymore.
I have immense appreciation for all that she’s done for me. I’d be eternally grateful to her for playing an important part in shaping my character and making me the person that I am today. She was a good mom to me and I have no complaints. I’ve tried to be a good daughter and believe I have been. Just wish somehow we could connect to each other as we used to in the past. Wish I could be a part of her life and she mine.