- Family and Parenting
How To Survive Being a Step Kid
You know it was not always like this. You were not the one responsible for all the changes that are happening but you somehow feel guilty. Sometimes you even think that if you were a better kid your dad would not have remarried, or if you had not pretended to forget about your dad, your mom would not have remarried. Now you have a witch of a stepmother whose only aim is to make your life miserable or a stepfather who could care less about what you say or do.
Everyone says you are blowing the situation out of proportion and that you are just jealous but there is still a problem that needs to be dealt with, but how? How do you transition into being a family again knowing there is a new parent in the home? How do you resolve the issues between the two of you without tearing the family apart?
There are new rules for you to live by. If it is any consolation, there are also dos and don't s to being a step-parent.
What type of family is this?
It can be very hard to come to terms with a new parent. Many things change when they became part of the family. There are new rules, maybe a new house, new siblings, and a change in the family's daily activities. As a new stepchild, you may be feeling left out, hurt, angry, jealous, and even disrespected. There may be fights or arguments with the stepparent and eventually your parent. Often, the problems being faced by the family are not the intention of any family member, as hard as it may be to believe.
Finding someone to talk to about the problems in the home may be just as difficult as dealing with the issues in the home. This is especially true if the stepparent is known to be someone caring and loving to most people. This may leave you feeling guilty, abandoned, and helpless. Some may even become depressed.
Do you have a step parent?
There are many reasons why step families have arguments and problems. Sometimes they seem even more drastic than that of biological families.
Lack of communication
The biggest problem for some reconstituted families is a lack of communication. The stepparent is unwilling to consult with the parent on various matters either because they think it is not their place to do so, or because they believe they have all rights to do as they please. The stepchild is unwilling to communicate with both his parent and stepparent because he feels there is a closer bond between the two and they are somehow in alliance against him. With this type of thinking, emotions are bottled and problems accumulate.
They are out to get you
It is hard to accept disciplinary actions from a stepparent. This is especially true if you are being disciplined for something your parent would normally allow. Even though your stepparent is not your biological parent, they are your parent and are responsible for taking care of you, and that includes disciplining you. This should only be a problem if you think they are abusing the role.
You have now lost both parents
It is surprisingly easy it is to feel disconnected from your parent when a stepparent is brought into the family. When your parent and step-parent decides to go out on a date, have time alone, or do not include you in their activities, it can feel as if you have now lost both parents.
For every problem, there is a solution. Whether it works or not depends on the reactions of the subjects involved. For all the problems you face as a step kid, there is a solution.
♣ Many organizations and groups are there to assist children who think they are being abused. There are school counselors and teachers who will be glad to help and listen to you. Before any of these avenues are utilized, however, it is important that you speak to your parent and stepparent about how you feel. Chances are, they had no idea you were hurting and will do their best to make the situation better.
♣ Do not harass your stepparent physically or verbally.
♣ Follow the rules. If there is a rule that you have a problem with, speak up immediately. Do not wait until you are being disciplined for breaking that rule.
♣ Get to know the likes and dislike of your step-parent.
♣ Get your step-parent involved in your activities. Tell them about your day at school. Tell them about the latest book you have read or game you have played.
♣ Suggest a family activity or outing.
Getting used to a stepparent may take some time, even if you knew them before they joined the family. Despite the problems that you and your family may face, things can get better if all parties are so willing. Do you have a stepparent or know someone who does? How do they deal with the various issues that arise in the home?