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Breaking Up Advice for Teens
Knowing When Your Relationship is Over
The hardest part of a relationship is that sometimes, relationships come to an end. No matter how much we all may want forever and happily ever after, there are times when that is not going to happen for us.
If you are in a relationship and you are ready to get out of it, then that is a very clear sign that it is over.
Some other signs that your relationship is over are:
- Infidelity on the part of either or both partners.
- Flirting or engaging flirting by either or both partners.
- No longer wanting to see your partner or spend time with them.
- Dreading when they call or text you.
- Making excuses to not be together.
- Getting mad and blowing up at them with the hopes that they will break up with you.
How to Break Up With Style, Grace, Class and Maturity
There are easy ways to break up, and then there are mature ways to break up. Always take the mature route. Even if you don't want to. You are having an adult relationship if it involves romance, so take the adult route and be mature about it.
Make a list of the reasons that you are breaking up, and if there are several, choose one or two of them.
Make a time and place to get together appointment. Don't choose a restaurant or a home. After school is a good place, so that you can both go on your separate ways after this.
Plan what you are going to say.
Don't include friends in your situation. This is about you and your partner, and both of you deserve privacy. The only exception to this is if you are legitimately afraid of violence, which I will address below.
When you see your partner, greet them with a smile and get down to the issue. Don't beat around the bush. They probably have an idea that it is coming.
Be honest. Don't make things up to make them look bad, don't berate, and don't call names. State the facts.
Here is my example conversation:
Maria: "Hey, Josh, can we talk for a second?"
Josh: "Yeah, I got your text. What's going on?"
Maria: "Actually, I don't think that we should date anymore. My schoolwork is falling way behind, and yours is, too. My mom and dad said that if I can't bring my grades up that I am grounded until the end of the year."
Josh: "We could see each other less."
Maria: "We could, but I don't want to do that, because I want to get my grades up. I feel like we have been drifting apart for some time."
Josh: "Me, too. I just did not want to say anything."
Maria: "I really do still want to be friends with you, but I have to get my grades up."
Josh: "Are you going to date someone else?"
Maria: "No. I am going to focus on school."
Josh: "Maybe this summer?"
Maria: "I don't even know. Date around if you want to. If this summer comes and we are both open, we will see. Right now, I have to focus on getting my parents happy with me."
Josh: "See you in class tomorrow?"
Maria: "I will be there."
Josh: "Do you want your stuff you gave me back?"
Maria: "No, those things were gifts. Do you want yours back?"
Josh: "I do want my senior ring back."
Maria: "I have it right here for you."
Josh: "Thanks. See you in class"
Both parties were calm, cool, collected and responsible. Strive to be like that!
When Drugs, Alcohol or Violence Cause You to Leave
When the person you are with is using drugs or alcohol, the best thing that you can do is get someone to be there with you while you break up. This can be a friend, a family member or a school faculty member.
When you break up with someone that is using, be firm, be polite, state the reason, and then leave. Don't let yourself be talked into staying with a person who is in a situation where they have a problem.
If you are with someone that is physically abusive, let your family know what happened as soon as it happened. Don't keep it a secret. Break up with them immediately and let your parents help you. If your parents are unable to help you, talk to a school counselor who will give you help about what to do next.
Don't Start Gossip About Your Break-Up
It can be tempting to slander and hurt your former partner, but don't. You once cared for this person, and part of being a mature adult is to not be a part of drama and gossip. Stay to yourself about why you broke up, don't be vindictive. Of course, your heart hurts. Relax and recover.
Don't send conflicting texts to your ex, wishing that things could have worked out. Allow yourself time to grieve and time to heal. It is sad, and you do deserve to have some time to sort yourself out as well.
Be Civil and Respectful
You will still see your ex in school and other places. Be civil, be friendly and most of all, be respectful. There is no reason to be snide or nasty, and there is no reason to go out of your way to be overly friendly, either. A simple "Hi" is sufficient.
Don't create drama by fleeing a room, bursting into tears, or anything else similar.
If Your Partner Wants to Work Things Out
If your partner wants to work things out and you are amiable to that, express honestly what it is that is bothering you. Don't have a list of hundreds of things. Be straight, be simple and make a small list. Ask them to do the same. Sit and talk about what changes you are both willing to make.
Working towards making it work can be a hard task. Changing the way that you both behave will take a lot of work.
If you both are willing to do it, your bond can grow stronger, but effort is needed on both sides.
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