- Family and Parenting
Children Tend to TREAT Their Parents The Very Way THEY are Treated
DISRESPECTFUL, UNLOVING PARENTS-DISRESPECTFUL, UNLOVING CHILDREN
RESPECTFUL, LOVING PARENTS-RESPECTFUL, LOVING CHILDREN
If PARENTS Want Respect and Love, They HAVE to Give It to Their Children
Many parents vehemently believe that they can treat their children as lesser and/or subordinate entities. According to their reasoning, the latter are just mere children while they are the adults of the house thus what they say and/or do goes. They staunchly contend that as parents, they have the right to treat their children in any fashion they please. After all, they strongly assert that this is their parental right and prerogative. They furthermore proclaim that their children are to obey and respect them regardless.
There are parents who treat their children in ways that would be classified as mildly, even moderately abusive. They see it as quite de rigueur to call their children's names and to use mild bullying tactics to get the latter to comply to their directives. Many parents view methods such as belittlement of the child as regular parental procedures.
These parents feel that they do not have to respect and honor their children as it is totally unnecessary. They insist that their children are not individual beings but their appendages to mold and bend to their specific will. The idea of a child being an individual with his/her own thoughts, desires, and/or feelings is a total anathema to such parents.
While they treat their children in any which way, they are the ones who strongly and loudly proclaim that their children are to love and respect them. They become highly incensed when their children exhibit the same attitude as they do. They consider such behavior insolence while it is okay when they act that way. Their philosophy is that their child had better do as they say, not as they do.
These parents treat their children in less than humane ways, yet they are profoundly quizzical as to why their children detest, even hate them. Furthermore, their children barely tolerate them at best. Their children grudgingly respect them. There is definitely no love lost between them and their children. They are totally aghast and nonplussed at the fact that their children are cold and distant or worse towards them. They look at other parents who have loving parent-child relationships, wondering to themselves what went wrong.
These parents do not or care to realize that the less than respectful treatment accorded to their children backfired on them. They contended that their children would love and respect them regardless of the less than positive parental treatment. However, children are human beings with feelings. No self-respecting child is going to abide with disrespectful treatment without reciprocating in kind either physically, emotionally, mentally, and/or psychologically. There are instances of children who retaliated against their children as a result of the dismissive and disrespectful treatment they received at the hand of their parents.
Many parents, especially in their later years, are alone as their children refuse to come near them as a result of being treated disrespectfully during their formative years. Many of such parents wish for their children; however, it was they who initiated the ill treatment which resulted in their children becoming totally alienated from them. They want their children around them but the latter refuse to have anything whatsoever to do with them. Their children have emotionally, mentally, and psychologically sever ties with them forever. Some such parents become totally depressed and dejected that their children do not love or want to be near/with them; however, they sowed the seeds of such.
There is a saying that children respond to parents and the outer environment the way they were treated in the parental home. Many parents refuse to admit that they can treated their children less than humanely yet they expect their children to afford them the utmost of love and respect. They are incognizant of the fact that in order for their children to love and respect them, they first have to love and treat their children with respect.
Children tend to love and respect parents who treat them thus. Parents who love and respect their children treat their children as individuals with their own feelings and desires. They do not try to overrule nor to override their children's feelings, desires, and/or opinions because they are children. To such parents, their children have validity as human beings. They contend to believe less is totally monstrous behavior on their part.
Respectful and loving parents would never belittle or otherwise emotionally or psychologically abuse their children. They view such behavior as analogous to soul murder. They contend that although children are full entities, they are still developing human beings. These parents contend that developing human beings are bound to make some mistakes along the way, after all they are children and that is par for the course. They see such mistakes as natural and not a cause of alarm. They loving discuss the matter at hand and encourage them to try again.
Respectful and loving parents do not believe in discounting their children for whatever reason. They strongly maintain that whatever their children have to say or do, no matter how minor, is significant enough for them to pay attention to. They believe that their children are important enough for them to give the latter their time. They practice and teach the art of consideration to their children.
Respectful and loving parents are mature parents who do not believe in acting irrationally towards their children. They believe that the best parenting is rational and logically based. They also understand the value of empathy in the parenting process. When they enforce rules, they take into account their children's respective emotional, mental, and/or psychological make up and act accordingly. They are not the type of parents who arbitrarily apply rules at a whim or because they are the parent.
Parents who want their children to love and respect them believe that the family is a democratic entity with children participating when it become age appropriate. Even when the child is not cognizant to participate in the familial process, his/her feelings are never overlooked but are considered just as valuable as theirs. They talk TO, not AT their children. They strongly assert that when children are involved in family conversations and treated as thinking people, instead of mere children, more can be accomplished. They are not of the school that they, as the parent, are the elect while their children are non-persons or close.
Loving and respectful parents see their children for who they really are, not some idealized version. They encourage and nurture their children's individuality, even though at times there may be some disagreement. However, such parents do not see differences as disagreement, they view as part of their children establishing their own unique autonomy as people. They feel that the typical parents emphasis on family congruity is harmful and/or stifling to the blossoming individuality of children. To them, no one is alike, even children. To maintain that everyone in the family should be the same in their eyes is totally ludicrous and asinine.
These parents view their children as an integral part of their lives. Their children are life forces to them. They enjoy and want to be with their children. They try to include their children in as much their lives as possible. They do not see their children as barely tolerable obligations for their convenience. Children to them are well, wondrous works and manifestations of creation which should be treated and accorded the most integrous treatment.
Such parents love and respect their children in good and bad times. To them, unconditional love is a reality. The talk the talk and do the walk as far as this is concern. They believe that all of us make mistakes; however, that does not make the child lesser. They see the mistake as well an occurrence, not a major catastrophe. If the mistake is a major one, they will do all they can to assist and help their child heal emotionally, mentally, and/or psychologically. They would never use emotional, mental, and/or psychological condemnation to a child because a mistake was made. To them, their child is their child regardless.
Loving and respectful parents are also approachable and nonjudgmental. Their children know that they can go to them with anything as there will be a logical discussion of the matter, instead of out and out condemnation. They also not threatened by the fact that their children will no longer need them as much when they become older and more independent. In fact, they view this as an evolution in their respective parent-child relationship. They do not try to psychologically infantilize their burgeoning young adult child. They realize that their parental role must progress to that of friend and/or confidante when needed.
It is natural that children will love and respect such parents. No, not because it was a parental directive but because it was shown by parental example and treatment. Children with respectful, loving parents truly care for and love their parents. They enjoy and want their parents in their lives. Besides that, as they become older, their parents are more their friends than parents. These are the children who sacrifice and willingly do things for their parents. They are not loathe to include their parents in their adult lives or even care for the latter when they are unable to care for themselves. Parents who treat their children respectfully and with lovingkindness in their formative years are amply rewarded with children who gladly reciprocate, especially when the former reaching their advanced years.
In conclusion, children oftentimes treat parents the way they were treated. Many parents who treat their children in less than respectful ways are oftentimes quite puzzled when the latter reciprocate in kind. They unknowingly have sown the seeds for such disrespectful treatment. Many of these parents often wonder why their children detest, even hate them. Some of these parents as they reach their advanced years, wonder why they are alone as their children have disowned them as a result of the quasi-abusive treatment the latter received as children.
Parents who love and respect their children tend to have children who love and respect them in return. These children learned the value of lovingkindness towards their parents from how kindly they were treated. They actually want to be around their parents, their love and respect increasing and evolving in their lives. These are the children who will be with their parents throughout, even in the latter's old ages when the fruits of parental lovingkindness will be ultimately demonstrated. Yes, one does sows what he/she reaps. The way parents treat their children for either good or ill will be justly compensated in kind.
© 2013 Grace Marguerite Williams