- Family and Parenting
Adoption Horror - True Story
Love Does Not Conquer All
My first husband, David and I got married and had a child. So far, so good. Then my savior complex kicked in and I decided that adopting a child that was a "throw away kid" would make a difference in the world.
My husband and I were deeply in love with each other and our two year old, towed headed, blue eyed son. I would not have any more children when I found out that I carry the DNA for myotonic muscular dystrophy and that my son had inherited the gene. It is a disease that causes learning disabilities and slow degeneration of the the muscles, there are other issues but this story is not about that. This story is about Holly.
At two years old, Brendan was precious and we wanted him to have a sibling. My husband wanted a girl so a girl it was to be. We applied to the Department of Children and Families, went to classes and through interviews, physicals and home inspections and were finally approved to adopt.
Right after that our case worker told us that there was a little girl, six years old, that had no siblings and was free for adoption. In other words, her parents gave her away. She was little, cute and soon to be our worst nightmare.
When she came to live in our house, Brendan broke his arm, fell in the tub, and was sexually abused. Yes, Holly was involved in all of these things.
After Brendan's second fall I told her to leave him alone and to never touch him again. She did not listen.
Some of the other things she did at 6 years old was skip school - she would hide behind the bushes around the neighbors house and sneak back in the house after I left for work, she always wanted to walk to school - She hurt Brendan and started sexually abusing him from the very beginning. She ruined our marriage, our child and our lives. She had been abused herself and in turn abused him. She needed to be in a home with no other children.
David and I were young and each of us thought the other was the better parent for her. We both suffered. David developed narcolepsy and I, migraines. He was never much of a conversationalist and got worse, when I needed to talk most. I am a communicator and he wanted to watch TV, not deal with our issues. I am ashamed to admit it but I did start an emotional, if not sexual relationship, with another man.
We lived this way for 6 years, 6 of the worst years of my life. Holly was jealous of my helping Brendan with his homework and he needed help, with the learning disabilities. She would make him "pay" by hurting him and telling him she would kill him and run away before I found out.
I did not know this was going on until my mother baby sat for me New Year's Eve. New Year's Day, she told me that Holly had Brendan at knife point making him perform cunnilingus. David had already left home. My friend stayed all night. He locked my bedroom door with Brendan and I behind it and slept on the floor in front of it.
All this time we had been seeing a family counselor who had dismissed us as "cured" three weeks earlier. When I called her she told me to get Holly out of the house and not let her back in. I went to her school the next day and took her straight to a mental health facility. She then told the counselors there that she learned the behavior from her father and I and her aunt let her watch porn.
David decided that I didn't want him and now I didn't want her. She had to be separated from Brendan for good and I told David he had to take her. He admitted her to another place, a wilderness camp for girls, she was there for 2 years. They let her out and she immediately abused another child that was learning disabled. Dave took her to a friend of hers house. The mother was going to save her. The mother took her to another mental facility within 3 weeks, another sexual abuse had taken place. David had been called since he was her custodial parent. He was going on vacation and told them to call me.
She had told them I was a terrible alcoholic and physically abusive. When I got there that same day, they were at their wits end. She was diagnosed bipolar and put on lithium.
Then she was diagnosed a sociopathic sexual predator. That is when I tried to rescind the adoption. David also wanted to rescind. The courts will not parents to rescind because if a parent died, the child would still inherit. I had a will made.
These are but a few things we endured during this period. I am not saying don't adopt these kids, I am saying follow your heart. My heart screamed "NO" from the beginning. My deep sense of responsibility kept me in this situation. Luckily, I do not feel responsible for everything in the world anymore and I know that love does not conquer all.
She is now 29 years old, still calls and has 5 children, one of which she abandoned. We have tried to help her, gave her our son's life and ours. Now we are a broken family and Brendan is 26 and a dope addict who will not work nor get help. i don't know where he is right now and neither does his Dad. He will turn up, we hope alive.