- Family and Parenting
Children with Behavioural Problems
Kids Out of Control
There is a time in every parents life where they need to stop and take a look at how they are raising their children. Children act out for many reasons and bad behaviour is a sign that something is amiss at home or at school.
A child that lies, steals or behaves badly at school and at home, is lacking discipline and you urgently need to sort the problem before it gets out of hand.
Back chatting and disrespecting their parents, lying compulsively and stealing things that do not belong to them, are just a few problems for parents to face, along with temper tantrums and ignoring whatever you have told them to do.
At school they are not doing well and have no concentration as they are found to be throwing things around, bullying other children and ignoring the teacher, along with mouthing off at the teachers.
Once children take something that belongs to another person and gets away with it, they will continue to do these things until there comes a time where it is a drastic action that leads to a severe punishment from authorities or unhappy friends and family.
Don't let your child be the kid that you dread and get embaressed to be with. There is nothing worse than having a rebellious, out of control and bad mouthed child, that everyone avoids being around.
Does this sound like your child?
If so, do not loose hope because it is NEVER too late to get them under control!
Ignoring the problems and letting them continue to behave this way, will only do them bad and their future will be ruined, if you do not face the problem and work on controlling your child.
Finding the Source of the Problem
Kids act out for many different reasons but in most cases it is just a lack of discipline and they have been able to get away with behaving badly for far too long.
Parents that work and have children left at home with an older sibling or a housekeeper, will definitely misbehave because there is no one to tell them not to.
If you have given in to their demands and fallen for their teardrops at a shopping centre by giving them what they were crying for, just to stop them from embarrassing you, then they have been taught how to manipulate you.
Many parents that work long hours and have very little time to spend with their children, feel guilty and end up giving their children whatever they want, whenever they want.
Kids need structure and a foundation and if that is lacking in your home environment, than that will lead your children to become out of control.
Naturally, if they are always wanting to run away or have other issues than you need more than discipline and it is important that you take them to see a specialist for underlying problems.
There is nothing wrong with taking your children to an occupational therapist or a play therapist where they can analyse problems and give you options but most of the time we know that it is just a lack of discipline and there is a simple way to solve your problems;
Gain back control of your children by giving them discipline and a foundation to improve.
Take Back Control
Your child has been ruling your home and school and friends which has left him/her without peers to play with, bad marks at school and you as parents, with stress and embarrassment for having to apologise, return money and items or visit the teacher and principals office.
You are well aware by now that you have been under the control of your child and they have manipulated you every step of the way.
Whether you are a single parent, a working family or a widow, there is no excuse for children to be out of control as this will only hurt them and destroy their chance of a future.
TAKE BACK CONTROL NOW!
It is never too late and you need to stop right now and turn your child's life around.
How do you deal with your child bad mouthing you or other adults
Get Rid of Your Guilt
In order for you to take control of the situation, you need to stop feeling guilty and sorry for what you do. Workaholics can still set aside an hour a day to spend with their children. If that is not possible during the week, then ensure that one day on the weekend you get it done!
If children behave badly they need to know that what they have done is wrong and YOU are the only one that can teach them how to behave.
Finding a balance between time at work and home life is necessary for them to have a strong foundation to improve.
By feeling guilty that you work or need space from children, you are showing them that you have a weekness and that is when they can find ways to manipulate you in to doing whatever they want to.
Everyone works and all parents need time off as a couple as this creates a good balance for a happy and healthy life.
Ensure that you spend quality time with your children whether it is doing their homework with them, reading them a story, watching their school plays or even one hour of anything, this will stop you from feel ing guilty and it will also create a balance for a healthy home.
Once you are able to set aside a little bit of time for them, then you will feel less guilty for having to work or go out and they will not be able to manipulate you into buying their love.
Discipline your Kids
Children need to understand the difference between right and wrong in order for them to understand how to behave.
Punishing them for doing something wrong is very important as well as rewarding them for doing good.
Discipline does not mean having to beat them every time they are behaving badly it just means giving them ground rules to follow and when they are out of line, they understand that there are consequences for everything that they do.
How to Discipline your Children
Take a look at what has worked for you in the past and what has not. Make the rules clear for them to understand so that there is no confusion when they are in trouble. If you would like them to behave at a friends home then you need to say; "when we are at Jane's house today, do not touch anything and you remember your manners." This will help them to understand exactly what you want them to do and how to behave.
A star chart is a good idea as you can add chores and behaviour and they can see how they are progressing or where they are not.
For every good deed that they do then they are rewarded with a gold star and for every bad thing that they do, they get a black star.
This can be a weekly or monthly chart and at the end of the week or month, if they have gold stars for every day, they are allowed a treat at the end of the week.
Should they have black stars then they receive a punishment like taking away the computer or something that they absolutely love so that they will understand that there are consequences for being naughty and rewards for being good.
The most important thing to remember is to stick with the punishment. If you have said no t.v for a week, then you need to keep it that way. If you give in and feel bad, then they will no that you can be manipulated and that punishment is not a big deal. Therefore, when they do something wrong again they will think that there is no consequence for their actions and will continue to be unruly.
It is important to be consistent when giving kids discipline. Once you make a rule, you have to follow through. If you don't they will not take the rules seriously and will continue with their bad behaviour and become even more out of control. You need to make a set of rules and stick to them, without changing it, as they will never learn if the rules change. They will become frustrated and confused, should you change the rules continously.
Both parents need to work together and explain the rules to their children, the consequences must be clear and both parents in a joint effort, must enforce these rules, rewards and punishments, together as a unit.
Should a child sense a weekness in one parent, then it will be easy for them to ignore the rules if they know that one of you will let it go.
Children will test you and you will have to be strong, stick to your decisions and they will soon start to believe that there is no way for them to get around behaving badly, as they will see that there are consequences and both parents will ensure that they are rewarded or punished each time they break the rules.
Lead by Example
Kids will do what you do and should you loose your temper and swear, then you can expect that they will follow your actions.
If you want them to behave well, you have to let them see that bad behaviour is not acceptable. Lying, stealing, swearing and bad mouthing a parent in front of your kids, will teach them that this is alright to do and they will never respect you.
Don't give in to Tears and Tantrums
There are many times when you are in public and the kids throw a tantrum and to avoid the embarresment, we just let them get whatever they want. DON'T do it, as by giving in, you are letting them take control of you.
Should they cry when you have set out a punishment, do not feel bad about it as they will sense your weakness and continue to try to get their punishment revoked. Once you give in and let go of the punishment, they will never take your rules seriously and you will only be doing them damage in the future.
Bad behaviour can lead to trouble at school and with friends as they will never understand that there is right and wrong, which will lead them to a very disruptive and unsuccessful future.
Only you can change your child's behaviour and set them on the right path.
All you have to do is take control of your kids and never give in to their demands or you will be manipulated, controlled and in lot's of trouble if you do!
Their future is in your hands and if they don't know about rules and consequence, then it is because you have never taught them about it.
Reward and Praise Good Behaviour
As much as there is a punishment for bad behaviour, there should be a reward for good behaviour.
If your children have done well at school or they have done their homework or chores than you should praise them for their good in order to motivate them to continue with the good behaviour.
Punishment is necessary but reward and praise is also a vital key to good parenting and changing the kids behavioural patterns.
Dr Phil on Out of Control kids
Act now and change and take back the control in your household.
Do not let your children manipulate you
Establish and set out rules for them to follow
Punish them so that they are aware of consequences for their actions
Stick to the punishment so that they will learn from their mistakes
Reward them if they have done something good so that they have positive energy.
Take back Control by Starting Now!
No matter how long it has gone on for and how far gone you think your children are, you can always change things by starting fresh, starting now and taking back control to change their paths into good, healthy and happy ones.
Do not let them manipulate you into getting what they want - if you give in then they will continue to do badly.
Take control by giving them ground rules to follow and stick to. When they break a rule, punishment must follow.
It will take time for them to get into the habit of doing good instead of bad, so have patience but keep stern and remember that you are doing this for their own good and well being.
An out of control child will eventually damage themselves and others if you do not STOP their behaviour now.