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Children And Parents -- The Angry Times
For generations in the past and far into the future the battle between parents and their teenagers will continue. It seems that one night they go to bed our sweet and innocent preadolescence children and sometime within their 8 hours of sleep they had a personality malfunction. Waking that next morning, the innocence dissolved being replaced by angry person, who suddenly doesn't like anything about their family and home life. This my friend is how the teen years begin and we all hope and pray it will end sooner than it usually does. These changes are just as foreign to them as it is to us. There bodies are changing, they want independent yet still look toward their parents for acceptance in their choices. Not only do they have the pressure of their daily struggles they now have emotional changes on top of that. In order to understand why our children have personality transplants we need to understand what they are going through. Below I've listed what a teenager is suddenly faced with.
- changes in their bodies
- trying to establish their independence
- dealing with friends - remember their friends are dealing with the same issues
- positive and negative feelings -- utter confusion -- in one hand they are told not to grow up to fast, enjoy their teenage years and on the other hand they feel pressured to decided what they want to do for the rest of their lives.
- peer pressure -- this is one of the hardest aspect for a teenager.
- school demands - homework overload -- high school is harder year after year
- separation, divorce or the death of parent(s)
- being accused of something they did not do - overwhelming if you are dealing with an adult who thinks that they should be considered right because they are an adult -- I don't agree with that and will always listen to what the child has to say.
- being treated unfairly - because of their age, gender, race, religion or just because they are different. -- One of my daughter's had a teacher who treated the athletic kids different than he did everyone else.
- not getting a chance to voice their opinion
- chronic illness or death of a loved one
- taking on too many activities - trying to juggle to many responsibilities
- parents' high expectations -- sometimes parents push their kids to hard. One of my daughter friends had to get A's or was grounded.
I've lived through this experience three times with my three daughters. Yes, you heard me right, three girls. My house was quite turbulent and explosive when the hormonal rages erupted. With my youngest she had her personality when I began the change. We extreme hormonal battles in our house and from time to time there are minor eruptions.
This question intrigued me because my youngest daughter and I had a conversation about this not to long ago. She reiterated what a counselor once told me. Children get angry and lash out at their parents because they are their security, the sense of warm, comfort and shelter. They know, that we will always be there for them. This secure feelings isn't prevalent with other family members or friends. You will notice this with children from broken homes, the parent that has custody tends to get the brunt of the anger and lashing out while the parent who has visitation has now fallen into the other family members and friends category because their security fell away when the parent left. I experienced this with my oldest daughter when her father and I separated then subsequently divorced. She was a daddy's girl and suddenly he was gone. This devastated her and his lack of interest when he first left added insult to injury.
Keep in mind to however that if your child's anger or frustration increases or becomes more vocal it may not be a bad idea to consider counseling. Sometimes having someone who isn't involved in their lives to listen and offer suggestions on how to cope may be what the teen needs. It wouldn't hurt to check into this just to be on the safe side.