Codependency and Moms
My mom and grandma. I sure love them.
The word codependency has a bad name!
Somebody get over to Wikipedia and straighten them out on this lousy definition of codependency. It is kind of an addled approach that sounds like it came from someone who is dependent on peer approval. Codependency is a mega word that is over used and misunderstood. Moms create codependency. It is normal for a mom to create codependency. Is mom made codependency a bad thing?
Codependency is as simple as the word. “Dependent on other” it is used as a classifier so it usually means an unhealthy dependence on another. And it usually is between too very close individuals. So read this lengthy “definition” we will touch on some of the issues it raises.
Codependency is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships. Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns. Narcissists are considered to be natural magnets for the codependent.
Take it enaturally
Moms create codependency
Get over it!
When a baby fox cub is not codependent on its’ mother it will wander and get eaten for sure. When young children are too independent they do not look first to their mother for guidance. Take my word for it, trial and error for young children is not an appropriate learning technique. Hands in boiling water or on stove tops or playing in street are just not cool at all. Codependency is not a bad word and so often it is healthy.
Let us look further at nature. Bees and flowers are very codependent it does not mean it is unhealthy. But it does seem that all the Naricissist flower does is sit and look pretty while the bee does all the work. So maybe at least a lopsided relationship.
Here is a screwed up relationship. Genetically Modified Organisms (GMOs) and Man. Can man just leave them alone after making them the way they are? Is man now codependent upon them f
What is your view?
Are you codependent on your mother?
You really cannot blame someone else.
That the dependent be dependent means the “other” is not a healthy person is not true. There are people that are literally dependent on what celebrities do or do not do. Others who we claim are “addicted” to soap operas.
How many of us are dependent on food? Probably all of us. And though that sounds normal, some of us big old boys have an unhealthy codependency on food.
Now I hope that some are saying that these examples miss the boat. For they surely leave out an essential concept on the surface. Happiness of another is not in this mix. Most clinically determined codependents are in unhealthy relationships. Many not so nice people are drawn to the ease of manipulating the dependent. But to suggest that that concept is essential in a codependent is silly because a true diagnosable codependent could do it to the happiness of a stick. It is not the true happiness that the dependent is looking for but rather their own idea of what makes the other happy. If they were really that worried about the other persons happiness they would stop the over dependency.
Here is a fun story. My brother on mother’s day one year bought mom a baseball glove for a present. He got the idea from the bible. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”. Well truth be told he was no hypocrite. That brother was the most independent and least empathetic of all six of us children.
Listen up to your mom no matter how tough you get.
I will take a healthy dose of mamma's dependency any day.
I am adopted and my birth mother did the most codependent thing she could do. She gave me up so I could be healthy and happy at the cost of her own broken heart. Now my adoptive mother made me the youngest of six very codependent. But then cut me off at a young age, probably more like an abandonment. That created in me an unhealthy codependency on my wife. But when we recognized it we cut it down and slowly weaned me from the unhealthiness of it. It still lingers but I am such a no good at getting rich the realization became clear that I would never meet my own expectations of keeping another happy, so adios to that idea. These are normal and great transitions. So now I blame my mom for creating in me a very healthy adoration of women in my life. Thank you mom.
So mothers on mother’s day should be adored and worshipped. Our happiness on that day should be contingent upon their happiness. Just as so long ago every day they were in fact codependent on our happiness. And yet we were the codependent ones.
This idea about taking advantage is understandable from a psychological point of view. But here is a fun example of what may at first look codependent and unhealthy. Two anniversaries in a row I bought my wife long stem roses. On the second time my wife had found out how expensive they were and chastised me for spending the money on something that would just die. Really! So the next year I nurtured twelve beautiful roses from my garden. I bouqueted them up and she then suggested that I was cheap for not buying them. The next year she got a card and kept her mouth shut. Had I tried a third time I would have been the idiot.
Life is awfully good and I am sure glad that mom gave me a healthy dose of codependency. I will always be beholding to her for that and much more. I still say sometimes, “WWMD?” (What Would Mom Do?) And you know what? I very seldom come up with a bad answer when I take the time to ask that question. I am still reliant upon her good judgment and practical wisdom.
P.S. yes I intentionally misspelled the flower.
Hoorah for moms. This boy is way dependent on his mom. But he is only 3 years old.
A whole industry over manipulation and call it codependency
Codependency is real and should be taken seriously
This article was meant to give a different perspective. And to try and knock some good old common sense into how we talk about these issues. Manipulating others is standard fare for anyone in business, education, politics or military. Needing to do it to fulfill something missing is probably not good. But most the time it is just ordinary folks doing bad things and that is more sad than bad.
AL-ANON while specifically for folks involved with alcoholics is understood to have a great program for folks who think they a codependent on another who abuses substances. I am not fully familiar but understand it works on the twelve step program. And the success of that should not be overlooked if you need help.