- Family and Parenting
Comments A New Mother Hates To Hear
"Oh this must be your first" ( chuckle chuckle)
I hated hearing this comment from other people when I was out with my little girl, but it made me realize I should just accept it as a compliment, even though I knew other people didn't mean it to be. What they're really saying is "Look how attentive and careful ( a little too careful) you are with your baby. Everything you do shows you care (a little too much)". Why? Because if she was my 2nd, 3rd, 4th, or 5th child I'd just throw her a bone to gnaw on at feeding time, strap her to the back of the car, ignore her, and hope for the best?
The problem is with the people who make this comment and birth order theories are my proof. Birth order theories suggest middle and subsequent children are more unhappy and get into more trouble. In contrast, only and first children become more successful and responsible.
So I say to the people who ignorantly make the comment; "This must be your first", maybe it's beneficial to treat all your children like the first. You wouldn't be asking the question later, "Where did I go wrong" when your middle and youngest are getting into serious trouble. If you can't devote the same attention and treatment to your other chldren, maybe you had too many.
"When are you going to have another one?"
Well, because the trauma of the first birth will be fresh in my mind until I'm old and senile, I don't have the urge to do this again anytime soon. I'm already financially and physically drained so maybe having another is a great idea.
The people who make this comment are the misery loves company people. These people wear a fake smile, dye their full head of white hair at age 25, are too busy with their children to get the botox they really need, and insist your first child will be lonely without a sibling.
This comment may get somewhere with someone who isn't an only child, but from my experience as an only child, I can tell you I never once said to myself, 'Gee I wish I could fight for the use of my toys, share my parents attention and allocated first car and college money. I wasn't lonely because I had playmates/friends and at the end of the day, just as I was geting sick of them, they went home. It was a pretty sweet deal.
"My son (or daughter) was potty trained at 9 months old"
Mother-n-laws are famous for this comment. Then I reply with as much sugar coated sarcasm as I can muster, "Wow that's amazing! At 9 months your baby was able to walk over to the toilet with a preconceived notion they needed to potty, then pull down their pants, relieve themselves in the potty, wipe their plumbing clean, button up their pants, and I suppose after that they resumed playing scrabble with you while talking about current events in the world."
Anybody who makes this comment needs a wake-up call. Fact is, every child is different. But 9 months? Really, give me something I can at least summon up enough gullability to believe.
"They're tougher than you think"
This statement is probably where the infamous joke about dropping babies on their head came from. They aren't that tough, but you people can say that to console yourself after you dropped your kid on their head. I'm pretty sure they shouldn't be compared to watches who 'take a lick and keep on ticking'.
Every time my daughter has had an accident or fallen, the damage is worse than I would have imagined. Babies are fragile and yes, they do break, and a kitten is probably tougher. Let me quote a toddler book I once read, 'a parent's job is to keep their baby/toddler from killing themselves'. They're mini dare devils and I don't know many happy endings for full grown dare devils.
"Let your baby cry it out"
There is a lot of controversy and arguments for the two opposing sides of this. On a serious note, this should be something the mother decides for herself. I tried letting my baby cry it out once, and she pooped herself. I've cried myself to sleep as an adult and it's not an enjoyable experience, but imagine a baby being so distraught that they poop themselves.
This theory is ususally endorsed by men who don't relaize women have an intense biological instinct to respond to their crying babies. Instead I 've come up with a new theory; Let your man sulk it out. Let him whine about how he's not getting enough attention or sex. He is the one who needs to grow up.
The cry it out theory is based on teaching your baby coping mechanisms. I guess they'll be going out into the real world at 6 months old, and they don't have 18+ years to learn coping skills. If you dig hard enough, I bet you'll find out the theory originated somwhere with Sigmund Freud. I can hear him saying "Teach them coping skills early so later in life their defense mechanisms will be perfected."