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Confessions: Parents, We Ought to Know What We are Putting our Children Through
The Breaking Ties of Family Bonds
“Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary by-pass. After such a monumental assault on the heart, it takes years to amend all the habits and attitudes that led up to it.”- Marry Kay Blakely
It is already a given fact that at least 56% of couples getting married today end up in divorce in the coming 5 to 10 years of being together. In fact, if wedding planning is ranked to be at least the fourth most highly paid careers in the industry today, divorce lawyers are ranked to be the third most highly paid professionals around the globe at the same time. Is it true that family-establishment has become nothing but a source of "good business"? Sadly, this has become the accepted truth. This is the reason why many couples today simply decide to live-in-together and not get married at all, because as they say "if there is nothing to break, there would be no reason to be interested in breaking anything at all". Some even believe that more live-in partners are even more successful than married ones.
The thing is "separation" among couples, whether married or not has become a worldwide culture accepted by many countries and many groups of individuals.
Marriage, being the connection between two very different people is a commitment that is not that easy to keep. Given that the said individuals are supposed to adjust towards each other's strengths and weaknesses while having their own personal issues, marriage really is a commitment not only to the other but also to one's self in keeping an integral role in the relationship. This is where most couples fail after 5 to 10 years of being together that some simply call it quits.
The words of Mary Kay Blakely as cited above however is not simply pointing out on what the couples who have separated goes through after the process of divorce. Instead, it involves the other members of the family, especially the children.
Divorce Marks a Child for Life
True, parents who are trying to say that "divorce is a much better choice than staying together especially for the sake of their kids" are at least 89% wrong all the time.
Children of divorce suffer the pain of being in the middle of a situation that they often do not understand. Take note that they do not share any of the responsibilities related to the separation of their parents in the first place. And yet, as one parent goes, the child tries to adapt to what has become of his or her family and take on responsibilities that they are not supposed to be facing yet at such an early age.
Relatively, no matter what the age of the children may be, their understanding of family relationships become futile. Moreover, their vision of self worth becomes blurry as they see how life is supposed to turn around on them. The process of seeing one's parents live separate lives is not a usual thing especially that families were originally planned to stay together "through thick and thin"....
True, there might be some children who seem to be not affected by the situation.
Do not be mislead, they are great pretenders....
Depression in the cases of these children become masked behind happy faces and joyful laughter. However, the mask that retains the sanity of the child becomes unearthed in later years and develop into a sense of depression that marks the said individual for life. Disillusion on relationships and/or fear of losing relationships to wasteful fights often become the result of such situations.
Some survive a little while longer, but still, pretensions will never be kept forever. The heart bursts in time and may result to even more serious problems.
So question is, would you like your children to go through such pain... when you could actually work things out with your mate rather than breaking everything up? Marriage is about complimenting the other, making adjustments and accepting both the strengths and weaknesses of our partners. Sometimes, married individuals simply need to support each other to be able to get through with the challenges that they face.
As for me, I am speaking for the sake of the children, because being a child of separated parents, I know how it feels to be left out, to be left alone, to feel nowhere and to wander out asking why these things happened. I have been vulnerable and victimized by people who did not care about what they were doing; things that could have been avoided if separation between couples have never been an accepted norm in the society.
I can only share a bit of my experience, I still have so much reservation about this page of my history. But the compelling need to remind parents of their responsibilities to their children has caused me to move forward and speak for the younger members of the family at perhaps at least save some of them from the ailing emotions and other physical and psychological effects of divorce on children.