Mothers Little Helpers
The Chocolate Helper
There is nothing like the high of secretly eating chocolate. Oh the sheer bliss of hiding in the pantry away from your kiddies and your partner and either eating your chocolate bar or the hazelnut/choc spread straight from the jar. That naughty indulgence made even naughtier by the fact that you're not sharing it, possibly because your hyperactive children have already consumed enough sugar throughout the day to launch themselves into space and orbit the earth. And your partner is one of those helpful people that likes to tell you when you're getting fat, so you think 'stuff it' and don't share it with him/her either.
When you're a parent it's always give give give that's why it's nice to take some time out, find some chocolate that your kids have not already discovered with their chocolate radar and partake in that wonderful chocolatey high that gives you that same sort of rush as falling in love.
The Alcohol Helper
I, admittedly, am a cheap drunk, if someone merely uncorks a bottle of wine in front of me I get drunk on the fumes.
I've always secretly admired those facebook posts of the fifties takeoffs that involve women drinking to cope. If I drink a quarter glass of wine I'm anyones and if I drink a whole glass I fall asleep. Therefore consuming alcohol and watching children do not mix. Well certainly not in my household anyway.
I do recall one occasion when my 3 children were aged 3yrs and under. Out of sheer exhaustion I had fallen asleep while laying on the floor in front of the television. When I awoke, one of my children was sitting on my head with no nappy, I had quite a mess to clean up and didn't know where to start, the floor, my child, or wash my hair. (After that day I started using masking tape on his nappies). Research marketers please be advised that 'resealable tabs' aren't such a great idea when you have a child who discovers play doh in his nappy.
Enlist the help of family members or friends, even if it is for just an hour of child free time. No matter how much of a know-all, expert, put you down without even trying kind of way.
For your own long term well being, sometimes you need to 'suck it up' except the babysitting offer and have a break.
I know there are some people out there that this isn't an option, you're kids will grow up one day, just don't buy them a double or queen size bed or they'll never move out.
The Social Networking Helper
The social media diversion tactic. Keep your friends and family updated with pics and progress reports on your little peoples achievements as well as keeping an eye on everyone else' antics. And sharing those wonderful uplifting anecdotes particularly the ones involving drinking and housework.
Online Retail Therapy
Fall in love with shopping again, without the dirty looks from sales assistants or words of wisdom from other shoppers.
If you're really keen you can start selling things yourself on ebay etc. Remember this simple technique KISS; Keep It Simple Sweetheart, you don't want any more stress in your life so do your research on how to sell and what you're selling and keep it legal. There's not much worse than getting a shipment of fake designer handbags seized by customs.
The Box Helper
We all know that in the early stages of childhood that kids love the packaging sometimes more than the toy (especially if you've forgotten to purchase batteries).
So why not get them a big clean cardboard box. They can colour it in with crayons, felt pens, or paint (if you think you can handle the mess). Or you can simply just put your kids in it and let them figure a way to get out, early childhood development in problem solving.
The Shell Pool Helper
Those wonderful plastic shell type pools have a multitude of uses. You can buy loads of cheap breakfast cereal, partially fill it and give your kids your measuring spoons, cups and plastic containers. Warning, if you do it indoors it's a bugger to clean up.
It's also way more easier to wash the kids hair outdoors in their shell pool with the hose and shampoo, especially if you're in your last week of pregnancy and bathing your toddlers on your own is a nightmare. Mind you I did wonder what the neighbours might think, but as I never got a visit from child services I guess they didn't mind.
- Toilets and Kids
For my fellow parents who've been in the situation where you've thrown your hands up in he air and shouted 'WHY' after discovering your child's toilet antics, this is for you.