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Dealing With the In-Laws During the Holidays

Updated on December 26, 2013

Can I ever do anything right?

This morning my mother in law started fussing at me because I said my children were big enough to fix there own food. Now why is this a reason to insult me or find something wrong with me? They are 14 and 10 years old. They are independent. That is how I raised them to be. Hours later I stood up to her and told her to never talk to me that way again in front of my children. She claimed she didn't remember. When I refreshed her memory she said that is to be expected and I told her it wasn't to be expected. She said that she would never say anything to me again. I said thank you. What else could I say to someone that had become dramatic. I didn't want to make a scene in front of my husband.

A marriage could be in trouble if your extended family has to much stake in what you do in your immediate family. Way to often other people chime in on how they think you should raise your children or how you should treat your significant other. A relationship can fail because sometimes to much emphasis is put on what extended family thinks or says about the other partner. So many things are determined by our emotions.

Extended Family

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Statistics of the in-laws

A lot of families (mothers) think the daughter- in-law will change their son therefore they interfere in the relationship and try to tear the relationship down by trapping the daughter-in-law. Sabotaging is the name of the game. Mikucki Enyart studied 133 wives and one of their main concerns was the mother in law would talk ill about the spouse according to Mother in Law Daughter in Law Relationship Explained. In 2009 a study was conducted at Cambridge University 60 percent women feel stressed when it comes to in-laws and 15 percent of men feel long term friction due to in laws. Additionally 20 percent of all marriages tend to end when a women is close to her husband family, versus 20 percent of all marriages tend to prosper when a women does get along the in-laws. This is confusing to me but men tend to want to be independent and move away from home and a new.

Learning How to Manage Your In-laws

Love your parents-in-law and give them respect but set your boundaries. It is the responsibility of the husband to talk up for the wife and vice versa depending on who the in-laws are. Dr. Phil states that you can't have any divided loyalties. Start your family and make that your primary loyalty. So many times I thought that my family didn't understand that until one day I was about to leave and he told me that his family had their chance. It is my turn to have his love and loyalty. I had been so worried because growing up in the south it your in-laws don't like you neither do you. But my husband was quite the opposite. He claimed that he put me first. His actions never showed me this. That brings me back to Dr. Phil; he states in so many words that you should not let you in-laws drain you emotionally. As a couple you should stick together and be one. Respect each other and respect you partners parents.

interference

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Poll About Respect

Family in-laws should be giving you more respect that you expect.

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Don't Stand In Your Own Way

Sometimes there will be moments when you will not get along with your husband or wife because of your in-laws.

When should your loyalties change?

Who's side should you stand own when it comes to the immediate family and the extended family?

Who needs you more?

Consider the feeling of you spouse as you continue to grow stronger in your relationship.

I had to keep my mouth shut today while my husband family attacked me but to my surprise my little 14 year old girl took up for me. She was very polite to her grandma when she did. Why couldn't I have done that when the incident happened, why did wait to address her hours later?" There is such a thin line between love and you have only one chance to get it right. My mind goes blank because I am always second guessing myself. I didn't to offend my husband so I tried to handle it as peaceful as possible.

I should try to understand more about what makes my husbands click and try to understand why he doesn't take up for me when he should.

Maybe I am looking to much into this. Maybe I am seeing that I am truly happy when I am with my husband and his family is only a bother to me when I visit them.

How to deal with difficult in laws

Are the wives really stronger than the male spouse mother?

I keep trying to understand me and how I operate within the relationship because that will dictate how I react to my husband in public around the in-laws. I feel as though I have to be able to bond with my in-laws and bond with my husband as well; make sure he knows I am here for him. I will love him until the end of time and I would be submissive to him when needed, I hope that he would do the same. Men tend to be more protective of their mothers more than of the wives because they felt as though their wives were stronger and could handle the whatever is thrown at them states Terri Apter, Ph.D. in Domestic Intelligence after completing a study of 49 couples. A lot of families that continue to make the mistake of letting the in-laws interfere with their relationship might be doomed to divorce. Man and wife must stick together and realize that they are family now and that they should put each other first. Can you honestly say that you are prepared to love your immediately family (wife or husband) more than your extended family (mother or father in laws)?

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