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Different Species of Soccer Moms

Updated on November 10, 2009

Will you be a soccer mom? If so what kind?

There are many different species of soccer moms in America. Some are very nice and some are super up tight and protective of their children, and some live through their kids to live the lives they wish they had lived.

Just to clarify when I say soccer mom it doesn't necessarily pertain just to women with kids in soccer. It could be any sport or no sport at all. It mainly has to do with the mentality of those women. However many of them do have kids in soccer or baseball.

There is the soccer mom who's nice, almost sicky sweet. It's usually a fake nice, which is the worst. These mom's are the ones who bring the snack for after the soccer games and cheer their kids on during the game, not in a competitive way, just in an encouraging way. These are the mom's who have one or two other children that are not playing, but who's kids are close by rough housing with the other kids. They also drive the Volvo or some other kind of mini van.

Another type is the soccer mom who is still trying to hold on to her youth. These moms will often be found with a posy of other moms who are the same way. They all dress in fashionable jeans and wear high heeled boots to the game with a nice leather jacket as well (not like a Harley leather, just a fashionable leather jacket). These women start drinking their beer before the first kick takes place and drink and smoke all the way till the end of the game. They often stand up on the bleachers together and bang their high heeled boots on the bleachers to make a loud echoing noise because they don't think their loud drunk screams are enough. As these women get drunker they get louder and more competitive, yelling at their kids stuff like, "Kill him! come on show him whose boss beat him down!" These women usually have other kids as well sometimes older and sometimes they still have the little kids running around playing with the other soccer mom's kids. They also usually drive sedans or nice SUV's like BMW's or Jeep Grand Cherokees.

Another type is the over protective soccer mom. This species as well as being over protective is also usually very up tight. These are the types of mom's who shop at Pottery Barn and have perfectly spotless houses. They are the kind that don't let their kids watch PG-13 movies till their 13th birthday, and who do backround checks on babysitters. Some of these women won't let their kids do Karate because they think it's dangerous, so they make them do music like piano or ballet or something like that. These mom's drive the newest models of mini vans or nice SUV's. They also usually live in huge houses even though there are only 3-5 people in their whole family. The houses are also usually protected by Brinks or some other expensive security company. These soccer mom's are so judgmental of everyone. These women are very gossipy when they get together with one another at piano recitles (sp?), book club meetings, baby showers, or tupperware parties.

The other type is the mom who lives through her kids. She is the type that never got to play soccer or play piano as a child so she makes her kids do it. At first she thinks it is what is best for the kids, but when the kids get older and start making decisions for themselves and tell their mom they want to quit she won't let them. The kids then go through life miserable because they are being forced to kick a ball up and down a field or swing at a very fast moving object when they have very clearly let their mother know they don't want to do it anymore. These mothers usually drive classy SUV's and sometimes mini vans.
They have to live out their dreams through their children, because they know their lives are over. They usually are on tons of pills like anti-depresents and what not.

The other kind I should quickly mention is the athletic soccer mom. The mom who always comes to games dressed like she just got back from a work out, and pushing the baby in one of those strollers with 3 big wheels. They wear the nicest, most expensive work out clothes and wear their hair tightly pulled back. They often wander into the soccer game late, but are already very concentrated on the game. These are the women who will never let themselves get fat, so they constantly exercise, take tons of vitamin pills and other health pills, so they won't ever get fat. It's hard on your body having kids, but they make sure to stay young and tight and get botox with every slight droop on their faces.

Then there are the miscelaneous (sp?) soccer moms. The ones who don't fit into one category, but sometimes exhibit behavior from many different ones. For example a mother might drive a mini van, be judgmental, but also very fun, outgoing, and nice. Let me just say that not all mothers fit into one of these categories at all. These are just the "soccer mom" mentality moms not all moms.

I think if my worst fear came to life and I land up being a soccer mom I would be the one who lives through my kids. I have wanted to play soccer for a long time, so I would put my kids in soccer.  That is if I have kids at all. I will then judge myself and be depressed. What kind will you be?


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