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A Child Should Be Taught with Love and Kindness

Updated on September 10, 2015

Being a Disciplinarian

I have researched many articles and studies on being a disciplinarian, and so many writers, teachers and authors freely use the word to elaborate about correcting children.

Now, it makes one ponder if they really looked up the meaning of the word of disciplinarian.

Because it means somebody who believes in or enforces strictly defined rules of behavior. Can one envision a loving, smiling parent who is talking kindly to a child after reading that definition of the word? So, I ask is there a better way to instruct your child?

A Mother Reading to Her Child
A Mother Reading to Her Child

The Word Correction

The word correction is almost as bad, and by now you are probably rolling your eyes, and thinking what is with this person.

Well, you think about it, because correction means: An alteration that removes an error. And it also means a punishment, especially when meant to improve or reform the person punished.

Doesn’t that sound like a penitentiary? A place to reformed peope and/or to fool the Probation Board into thinking they have accomplished their job.

Teach with Love and Kindness

I have a great word for you it is teach---that means to show and explain. How simple is that?

Even toddlers can learn if one explains it in a soft voice and show them; and then you have—taught that child. You have instructed them in the right way.

My Grandmother Knight was a sweet gentle lady who taught with kindness—she did not discipline, nor, did she correct with any form of punishment. I cannot remember her ever talking loudly, or being anything but an Angel.

My mother believed in putting me on restriction as her way of limiting my freedom. But she never spanked me; however, she was overly protective and very strict with me when I was growing up.

Teach with Love and Kindness
Teach with Love and Kindness

Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child

One of my uncles would always say, “Spare the Rod and Spoil the Child.” He used this scripture to spank his children and I am sure he felt very proud of his interpretation. But how did my poor little girl cousins feel?

Surprise, there is nowhere in the Bible that states to spank or beat a child. In the New Testament Christ talks about this and even instructs Paul about his preaching of the rod. And Paul never again preached to use the rod against any human.

Christ taught and preached with love, kindness and tenderness loving all the little children. And this is what he wanted to be carried on by everyone who believes in him.

Now about the rod, and who used rods in the Bible? Shepherds used their rods to fight off any animals that would hurt their sheep.

They did not beat their sheep with their rod, and they used the staff to nudge the sheep along to stay on their trails.

Therefore the scripture “Thy rod and thy staff shall comfort me,” was written because it was the Shepherd’s tool for protecting himself and his sheep, and to guide and teach them to follow his instructions by staying on the right path.

Christ‘s words guides and nudge us to stay on the right path, as he watches over us like the Shepherd with his sheep.

When a Parent Spanks Their Child

When you spank a child you are telling them. I am bigger than you so I can do this. What have you taught them? Maybe to pick on ones who are smaller and weaker? Isn’t that what bullies do?

When from an early age, a parent can take the time to teach a child. Teach a child with love, gentleness with a soft voice, and they will always love you. An example of what happens when you don’t:

My uncle that I previously mentioned who believed in not sparing the rod was not loved the way a father should be loved. Proof of that he died alone in his home; and his daughters only came to see him when it was necessary.

Their mother died in a nursing home, alone without a child to visit, maybe on Christmas they did. I only know when I visited my aunt she always asked me about her children. It was really sad.

A Little Hand So Trusting in the Big Hand
A Little Hand So Trusting in the Big Hand

Love is a Seed That Grows in Childen's Hearts

My mother and grandmother will always have my love and respect, because I knew they loved me by the treatment I received. I visit their graves often and so does the rest of my family. They were truly loved and so was my step-father as he only showed me love and kindness.

They taught me with love, kindness and gentleness, and this is the way I taught my nephews and nieces. Also, it is the way I taught children Phonics and Reading Skills in a public school.

I still see many of my children who I taught and although I do not remember all their names; they remember me, and always give me hugs and kisses.

A Baby Fingers Wrapped Around His Daddy's Finger
A Baby Fingers Wrapped Around His Daddy's Finger

Babies are God's Gift to us

I dedicate this poem with love to all the small children who can not speak for themselves.

Teach Me

Teach me even if I am slow,

My tiny hands want to know.

I watch the love light shine upon your face,

I feel so loved being in your warm space.

Your sweet voice caresses my ears,

Your gentle touch calms my fears.

Teach me to walk,

And teach me to talk.

Teach me to play and share,

With your words that speaks

with gentle care.

Teach me to pray,

So my heart will never stray.

Only loving tender care does

my body show,

And I can teach others what

I know.

Teach me to respect and treat

others kindly,

I want to be great, not search in

life blindly.

I will teach others---- what I have learned,

That love is freely given--- it is not earned.

PurvisBobbi44 is the sole author of this article and if copied anywhere else on the Internet or printed in magazines or books it was taken without written consent and is strictly prohibited.

Do you Believe in Spanking?

How do you instruct your children?

See results


Submit a Comment

  • PurvisBobbi44 profile imageAUTHOR


    3 years ago from Florida

    Hi Jacquelyn fuller,

    We have so much in common---I am an aunt and never had children. When I taught Phonics at school I felt all the children were mine, and I protected them like a mother hen does her chicks. I do not believe in spanking and I know I think differently than most of my friends, but I believe when you spank a child you are showing them how to be a bully. When they get older they will prove it by their actions.

    I worked with children who's parent talked with them in lieu of spanking and they were always so well mannered and kind to others.

    Thanks for reading this---I appreciate anyone who loves children and animals.

    Bobbi Purvis

  • Jacquelyn fuller profile image

    Jacquelyn fuller 

    3 years ago from Woonsocket, Rhode Island

    I love this... And although I have never gave birth to a child my love for children is overwhelming ... I am an Aunt a great Aunt and practically help my sisters raise theirs and I never really had to spank my neices and nephews I did not believe in doing that as a way of discipline... I enjoyed talking and sharing with them, and tried to be a positive role model ... I had one of my neices who is now an adult and is married with children and yes she is a disciplinary she believes in giving and showing her children love and kindness just like the way I did... One day she said to me Auntie I'm glad you were the way that you were she put a smile in my heart!!!!

  • PurvisBobbi44 profile imageAUTHOR


    5 years ago from Florida

    Hi Melovy,

    Thanks for your visit and comment. I can only share my experience as to how I was taught as a child, and I am happy you enjoyed reading my hub.

    Have a wonderful week.

    Bobbi Purvis

  • Melovy profile image

    Yvonne Spence 

    5 years ago from UK

    Very simply, I agree with what you say in this hub. I can't pretend I've always parented as kindly as I'd have liked, but definitely didn't spank and tried as much as I could to guide with love rather than force or punishment. I saw early on that punishment doesn't work. That includes self-punishment - so many people try to be kind to their children but have little empathy for themselves, and so they cannot be as kind as they'd like.

    Somewhere I read that the "rod" in the saying "spare the rod and spoil the child" is totally different to what most people think. I can't remember it's exact meaning but it's not a physical rod at all, but actually means guidance.

  • PurvisBobbi44 profile imageAUTHOR


    6 years ago from Florida

    Hi Astralrose,

    Thanks for your visit and comment. I appreciate you sharing with us and we all have learned over the years a better way to deal with most of our issues in a calmer way. I know I have---life is too short.

    My sister will tell you I am the reason her children were spoiled---but I just loved them---maybe I did spoil them a little.

    Thanks again,

    Bobbi Purvis

  • Astralrose profile image


    6 years ago from India

    There were moments (years ago) when I yelled at and spanked my nieces and nephews for misbehaving or crying very much and very noisy... and I regretted those times. I forgot that they were just children and all they know are the ones we, adults, taught them...what they have seen us doing.

    I guess, most people who are doing this kind of so called discipline to their children or students have failed to realize that these children didn't ask to be born and that these children don't deserve to be yelled at, spanked, whipped, etc.

    If ever I go back to teaching little children or would be with my little nieces and nephews I would only teach and show them compassion, love, kindness and gentleness.

    Good hub!

  • PurvisBobbi44 profile imageAUTHOR


    6 years ago from Florida

    Hi TimeTraveler2,

    I will not debate your opinion, but I do have a question for you. Where do you think the children learned to be bullies?

    From your comment it sounds like you have a hub to share with us.

    Remember, I am telling you my experience from a public school in a small town--not a city; however, we had our own children with issues.

    Children are children and a large percentage of the children I worked with lived with their grandparents--mother either did not want them, or she was on drugs or in etc. . Father was in prison or gone from the scene.

    Yes, my children had problems, and these were first, second and third graders.

    But I showed them how to be polite, kind, and gentle by watching me. And I spent a lot of my salary buying books for awards of making A+ at the end of each week.

    Their pride in their work flourished, and their attitudes changed. Just a little kindness can go a long way.

    But this is my opinion, and I appreciate yours, and I cannot wait for your hub on your experience in teaching and the grade level you taught.



  • TIMETRAVELER2 profile image

    Sondra Rochelle 

    6 years ago from USA

    While this is a lovely sentiment and works well in many cases, I challenge you to try it in a classroom of 40 or so children who have not been taught self discipline. FYI...setting parameters and enforcing them tells children that you care about them. To do otherwise is to leave them at their own devices and make them feel as though they are alone and adrift in the world. There are many ways to discipline. Spanking is only one of them. The problem with today's youth is that too many of their parents have not disciplined them or guided them. Why do you think we have the problems that exist in schools today such as bullying and drugs? Without discipline, learning does not take place. It's as simple as that!

  • PurvisBobbi44 profile imageAUTHOR


    6 years ago from Florida


    I knew you could not be any way but perfect. I can not stand any human or animal being hit or slapped. I believe you can do more with love and kindness.

    Thank you for taking the time to read my hub. You are the best and I feel honored when you visit.

    Your Hub Friend,


  • Sunshine625 profile image

    Linda Bilyeu 

    6 years ago from Orlando, FL

    I don't believe in spanking. I normally just slap them upside the head. Joke!! I was more of a disciplinarian with my daughters. With my granddaughter I'm a softie. She could do no wrong. I cringe when I hear an adult yelling at a child or in a rare instance I see them hit a child. Ugh. No one has the right to bring harm to a child. Unless they need a slap upside the head. Joke!! Excellent hub Bobbi. As always:)


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