- Family and Parenting
Does Life Begin At 50 Years ? No, It Just Sucks Twice As Bad
Who stole my youth ?
Is 50 the new 40? NO CHANCE.
Approaching half a century of age is no picnic. You wake up in the morning and are to scared to look into the mirror. If you do, you'll notice more wrinkles on your face that were not there yesterday.
There is a bit more saggy skin and less hair on your head, but much more protruding from your nose and ears. Life sucks at 50.
Gone are the years where lifting heavy items was no bother, now it takes all day just to mow a lawn. Having to ask for assistant in moving something like a lintel, whereas it seams only yesterday you could easily lift one up and hoist it over your shoulder.
Now your arms are weaker and the muscles which were once very prominent seemed to of slipped and fell off. Think your old now ? wait another ten years.
Not so much hair loss than hair reassignment. What was once on your head has now immigrated to your ears, nose and hands. This protruding ugly hair is somehow quite ginger, with no apparent explanation.
Leave the hair and it grows into something that resembles a tumble weed. Trim it and it will need trimming every week until the day we never need anything again.
This hair has left our heads looking like a melon to retire itself into the most ugly facial hair of all time.
The answers ? Hair trimmers or solitude. Trim it or select a life of a recluse. Finding hair in the bath is normal, finding nasal hair on the pillow is not.
For the men whom turn 'distinguished grey' rather than bald, you are the lucky ones. Whoever coined the phrase 'bald men are more virile' was himself a bald man with the possibility of low self esteem.
Natures cruel joke of turning once soft supple flesh into weeping canyons of bristly, mole filled skin. Wrinkles are an unfortunate part of life, but why do they have to be all over the body.
Wouldn't it be good if they were only on one part of the body ? Say the wrinkles were only on the left leg below the knee, brilliant, your face and chest would still be perfect. You could smooth out your skin and push all the wrinkles down to the left leg, even use a steam iron.
Answers ? Never going to happen, once wrinkles begin their relentless onslaught, there is no stopping them. Try slowing them down with botox creams, but age will never stop. Face up to it and grow old disgracefully.
Men spend most of their lives looking at woman's boobs, that eventually they get there own. Moobs are man boobs, and most of us will get them. They used to be muscles and attracted attention from admiring women.
Now it looks like you will need a training bra. Moobs seem to come from nowhere, they just arrive one morning and that is it, you cannot get rid of them. Welcome to your PMT time.
The moobs still attract attention, but not the kind that is required, more like youngsters taking the mick out of you. You may now have your midlife crises.
At 50 years of age you are no longer the Duracell bunny, more like the alkaline rodent. Your batteries take longer to charge and they wear out quicker.
Chasing your kids or grand kids around the garden is like climbing Mount Everest, impossible unless they give you a good head start. Try knitting instead.
If your sex life was active, then be prepared for a shock, this to depletes over time. Erectile dysfunction is no joke, tie a splint to it instead if it helps. Check you watch twice as well, if you can pass 5 minutes without losing momentum or gasping for breath you are doing well.
You know when you're getting old when a kid asks you if you need help crossing the road. Go to help the aged just to feel younger.
Hearing & Sight
You know your getting old when the word you most use is What ? Every time someone says something when you are not listening to them intently your usual response is 'What did you say ?'
You also know that you are getting old and your eyesight is getting worse when you no longer see the number on approaching buses, Another year or two and you will no longer even see the buses.
Hearing and eyesight are funny creations which we take for granted until they begin to go wrong. We are no longer the invincible teenager we thought we were. Now we are becoming the old codgers of society. We look like Mr Magoo with thick glasses now.
Approaching 50 ? Let us all know how you feel in the comments box below.