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Don't Get Stepped On By Your Adult Step Children!!

Updated on August 19, 2011

The evil step-child exists not the evil step-mother

I was meeting an old school friend again after 20 years tonight for dinner. OF COURSE we found each other on Facebook.

But we also found out fairly quickly that we had something in common other than the things of our shared childhood, ungrateful adult step-children.

My friend and I are certainly NOT the stereotypicalstep-mothers. We had both chose to give completely of our love, time and energy to finish raising someone else's children as our own for years and now are being rewarded by not only ingratitude but complete brutal disregard for our feelings.

I don't even get a Mothers Day card and one of her step-kids isn't even talking to her simply because she wouldn't take his side against his brother in an argument. Her steps are in their thirties and mine range in ages from 23-32. That's WAY too old for this kind of behavior!

Where do these adult kids come at the attitude that the world and especially their step-parents OWE them anything?! Do these kids realise we could have influenced our spouses to send them off to military or boarding school? And some step-mothers really become cruel and treat their steps unfairly.

But it seems to me that the ones who really care like my friend and I, get abused and stepped on and very very hurt from such thoughtless and selfish behavior.

We also had in common the "who gets what when your dad dies" conversation. When my grandparents were dying it didn't even occur to me to want their possessions. WHERE do these kids get such uncaring cold hearted behavior where things matter to them more than their own parent??!!!

Hers got upset when they didn't like that she was going to give things according to grandkids order as per her husbands instructions. They wanted to change it all and expected her to do something about it!

Mine found out that my husband was dying of terminal cancer and spent a week calling me and telling me what they were going to take whether I liked it or not, two of them threatened me. It got so bad that my husband and I had to make a Trust rather than a will with an executor not of the immediate family so that I would have no contact with his kids in any way once he was gone. THIS is not something we should have EVER had to deal with!

What my dear friend and I have BOTH come to terms with was, we were DONE. Done being stepped on by the steps. Done being used and abused. DONE wasting our lives on people that simply took all we gave like they were owed it. Acting as if we were their personal slaves with no appreciation whatsoever of all we have not only done for them but for their children-grandchildren whom we have loved deeply as well.

I'm ranting for all abused, loving, caring step-mothers everywhere. Adult children are NOW simply other adult people and they should be put into the category in our lives as "good for your life" or "not good for your life" and boundary them accordingly just like everyone else.

STOP wasting your life on ungrateful uncaring people no matter who they are because life is too short to be sad from cruel selfish people.

I've always said it's better to be completely alone in the world than to be with people who don't care about you. In this case it's the children that are the losers. God gave them a rare gift of real loving step-mothers and they spit in His face along with ours. We took on the job willingly, not just because they were there through the accident of birth.

Blood makes relatives but LOVE makes FAMILY. Maybe everyone should think a little more about who actually loved and loves them and where true loyalty DESERVES to lie. Blood may be thicker than water but LOVE is deeper than the ocean and better by far.

Samantha Stacia

Creator of the writers group for women over 40 on


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      stepmom 21 months ago

      I have two step sons whom i had taken in at the age off 8, mom could not do it. but she made my life a living hell. she would manipulate the boys and tell them i would not let her see them so she looks good, but i would get mad and drop them off and run, after the drop off she would blow up my phone. i have given my life to them i did all doctors app school, and sports with no help payed for them food close what ever they need i did! and they never treated me like a mom if some one would ask are they your boys both would blurt out no stepsons!! and there mom would only see them for christmas. her beaver was ok to them. she would call them and make excuses not to see them. even as off to day they have no address for her, they are know in there 20's point is this past mothers day i got no call or text from nither one it broke my hart. i thought they would figure her bull out once they grow up BUT NO, they both are just like her lazy selfish and ungrateful. its so sad. hart broken stepmom

    • samantha stacia profile image

      samantha stacia 5 years ago from Arizona

      I am SO sorry that I haven't been on hub for ages to have gotten this, I truly hope that things got better for you by now! I am wishing there were sayings about step kids the same way there are for step mothers. Because i have heard SO many stories like ours its ridiculous!

    • samantha stacia profile image

      samantha stacia 5 years ago from Arizona

      lol, Im not sure what you meant by that but if its in reference to theway the Bible says it then I am flatteredmthank you. :)

    • samantha stacia profile image

      samantha stacia 5 years ago from Arizona

      Thank you :)

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      ruth 5 years ago

      I am in a similar situaton, my husband comitted suicide. i have considered his kids at every step. they are now dictating to me how we scatter the ashes(with no regard to my kids who lived with him for 10 yrs). Also they now want a full inquest, which will put me through hell again-when his death is very clear and obvious. It is making my mood very low x

    • profile image

      BAILEY PICKET 5 years ago


    • profile image

      ELIZ HALEY 5 years ago

      YOU'RE right about THIS ....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................LOL

    • samantha stacia profile image

      samantha stacia 6 years ago from Arizona

      Thank you for your kind comments and insights. Thank you for your good wishes too! :)


    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 6 years ago from South Africa

      Samatha, fortunately I am not in the same boat as you and your friend, but I agree with you - Not even one's own children have the right to be rude to us. You/we are the only people with the cards in our hands - they can do to us only what we allow them to do.

      I feel so sorry for parents and stepparents who find themselves in the unfortunate position of being financially dependent of their children. They often have to be submissive, going with whatever flow is offered to them - a terrible price to pay for one's survival if the children turned out to be bad.

      Establishing a trust fund was the best thing you could do.

      I wish you all of the best. Look after yourself, but without harming others, is what I always say to myself. The love of a child for his parent is the most selfish love. It can only become unselfish when the love of friendship is added.