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How to be a good single parent? Effective tips!

Updated on October 5, 2013

Single handed duties!

‘There’s nobody stronger than a single parent.’ – Unknown quotes

When I lost my husband I was worried when I thought of the shattered feelings of my daughter. Her father was a doting parent and she was very close to him. Can I take the place of her father? Such thoughts and the burden of having to shoulder all the responsibilities made me overwhelmed with considerable worry. I was emotionally upset and would cry as I felt I was in a hopeless situation.

But I knew I could not afford to be meek and emotional. I geared myself up and took a vow that I would be a father and mother to my daughter. She was just seventeen when she lost her father and now she is in her early twenties and I am her best friend. She always tells me that I am more of a friend and sister to her than a mother. I think that is the best compliment I received from her.

The cons of a single parent

  • You have to deal with problems on your own.
  • Your child sometimes feels the want of the other parent.
  • You feel emotionally drained with the added responsibilities.
  • You have to balance between work and parenthood.

The pros of a single parent

  • It makes you strong in will power.
  • You become more focused as you have to bring up your child on your own.
  • You are the sole receiver of all the love from your child.

The emotional upheaval of your child

Single parent concept has become very widespread today. With divorce becoming so common, children undergo terrible stress in having to adjust to the concept of having to live with either the father, or mother. But if you are a widow\widower, the emotional stress of your child is far less as the child quickly adjusts to the situation of living with a single parent as he knows that one of his parents is no more.

But when he is a spectator of a bitter divorce, he knows that his other parent is living elsewhere and the thought itself makes the child very unhappy. Whatever might be the reason for your separation, it is true you have to cope up with the emotional loss of your child. He is not able to comprehend what is happening between you and your spouse and he thinks that both his parents are selfish with no thoughts about his emotional needs.

You have to make your child realize your love.

When you are a single parent you have to deal with the mental confusion your child is undergoing. Unwanted tantrums, ugly confrontations can initially make you feel exhausted. Do not buckle under the pressure your child places you in. You should realize the agony he is undergoing and so you should be considerate to his sensitive feelings and make him feel loved and cared. If he is grown up to understand your problems, you can be frank with him about the reason for the separation from your spouse.

You do love your child, don’t you?

But do you show your love?

Demonstrate your love

It is very essential that you demonstrate your love to your child. You should show him that you are there for him in his times of need. Do not thrust your stress on him and make him feel lost. You should appreciate whatever small things he does. If you are too harsh on your child because of your mental stress, he becomes emotionally charged as his mind automatically switches to his other parent and thinks that he might be better off with his father\mother.

You should be kind and friendly with your child and you should not keep feeding your child with negative thoughts of his father\mother as this makes him confused and bewildered. When the child wants to see his father\mother, allow him to do it. This will give him some emotional satisfaction.

You should make your child mentally strong and allow him freedom to do what he wants. Do not thrust your ideas on your child as he will resent it. You should keep an eye on him and you should always be a guide and not a judge. When your child tries to dominate you, do not give in to his unreasonable demands. You might feel that your child will feel good if all his wishes are fulfilled. You are wrong if you think so. You child will start to emotionally blackmail you if you give in to all his demands.

You should be strict where the need is and you should explain to him why you do not want him to behave in a particular way. You should teach him the true values of life and guide him to become strong and stable minded. You should spend quality time with your child and make him feel that he is very important in your life.

‘Being a single parent is twice the work, twice the stress, and twice the tears, but also twice the hugs, twice the love and twice the pride.’

Being a single parent can be challenging psychologically and emotionally. You should make yourself positive to cope up with the additional burden of being a 'two in one parent'. You should be confident and you should inculcate confidence in your child also. When your mind is balanced, your thoughts are balanced and you find it easier to tide over the sea of duties that sit on your shoulders when you are a single parent.

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    • Ericdierker profile image

      Eric Dierker 5 years ago from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A.

      Nice hub. The first hurdle is always getting over the anger, at a spouse or perhaps even God.

    • FL2BoysMom profile image

      FL2BoysMom 5 years ago

      Very nice article. I'm so sorry for the loss of your husband. My boys' father left when our oldest was only 22 months old and I was two and a half months pregant with our second. It was pure Hell. My little boy didn't have the capacity to understand any of what was going on. His father was a very bad man, though, so allowing our son to see him was just out out of the question- and I didn't (and still don't) buy in to the 'he's still his father' stuff. I refused to allow my child to see a sociopath who left his family homeless as a 'father.'

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