ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Fail; Staying together for the Sake of the Children

Updated on May 28, 2022

The Sake of the Children

Abe was married three times.

His first wife divorced him as soon as she learned he'd gotten another woman pregnant.

Abe didn't marry the other woman. He blamed her for his divorce. Soon, he found another woman. He married her, she bore him a child then divorced him for the same reason as Wife One.

Wife Three was Mandy. She was half Abe's age, bore him five children. She did not divorce him when she learned of his adultery because of the children.

Mandy stayed with Abe for the 'sake' of her children.


Ex-Wife One and Two went on with their lives. They had early difficulties but surmounted them. They married again. The children love their new daddy. They all live normal lives.

Many, Wife Three does not live a normal life, nor do her children.

She may claim to have 'forgiven' Abe with her voice but the truth is she removed all affection she might have felt.

As Abe had difficulty bonding, (which explains why he can't keep his pants on) he was incapable of saying/doing anything to regain his wife's trust. Nor her interest.

As the years passed she liked him less and less, withdrew more and more. It wasn't a 'forced' detachment, it was a natural process.

Having decided to quash her hurt and continue the marriage for the 'sake' of the children, the husband was moved to the periphery. Mandy concentrated on herself, her job, and her children.

In that Order.

The children knew something was wrong. Their home life was not like that on television or what they'd seen with their friends. They retreated into themselves, adopting silence.

They became Zombies.

They were quiet, introverted. They gave no trouble, and who noticed them?

Their father? Only when he needed someone to run an errand.
Their mother? She created a world outside of the home to preserve her ego.

Wife One and Wife Two's children are normal. They can speak to people, know how to behave in social settings.

Wife Three has 'zombies'.


There is no way to really 'forgive' adultery unless one has their own 'dark corner'.

In most cases the wife has done nothing wrong, there is no reason for the infidelity, and no synthesis at reconciliation. One can not 'make believe that part didn't happen'.

One can not 'forget' the feelings, the hurt, the anger. The 'relationship' is over. What might take its place is a new, less passionate connection in which the Betrayed creates fail safes so as not to ever put herself back into the same situation again.

The Betrayer eventually realises will never regain the love he sacrificed, never be so important to his wife that he can 'destroy her world'.

His children are somewhat resented, for the wife stayed with him for them, not for him.

This form of 'jealousy' in relation to a child for the affection of the wife/mother is nothing 'new' as many men do feel that their wives like 'the baby better than me'.

In this stage of a relationship where the marriage is maintained for the children's sake, not for the husband's 'proves' the supposition.

The Effect on Children

The effect on children in this kind of 'on paper marriage', even if there are plateaus of amicability, is devastating.

The children learn how to hide their real feelings, how to use silence and
develop tacit resentment and mistrust which is buried so deeply they have difficulty relating to people.

Those who are able to marry often can not sustain a relationship.

This is one of the reasons why children of divorced parents often divorce. The traits they developed as children in response to their parent's marriage leads to the end of their own.

Hence the boy will grow into a man who, depending on how much he hates his father, will either be his mirror image or forced obverse. The girl will have an innate distrust of men and marry for money or position.

The new mantra should be that parties separate for the sake of the children.


This website uses cookies

As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

Show Details
HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)