Fatherhood or Alienation of affection related to hatred
What is a Father hood?
Is a father hood a mask that you wear to say this is what a father looks like or is it in the Heart? I had imaginary children once, since they no longer were. It was for an evil ugliness that they never existed, since they hated my life that much and desired their own way to see a father. That they never were was the damnation of the now.
Fathers, well having had only the imaginary life, I can say I forgave mine for not having known his struggles in life and I did not even pry to ask what they were. I did a few times but he didn't want to talk about it. That was his journey and I respected it. He wasn't there in the home when I grew up, and rarely called yet I knew I could reach him. I lived with him a brief time. Forgiveness is something I offered my mother as well, her life not worth the mention for she lived her own hells, unseen to my life before children. Forgiveness of their innocence as parents and the issues facing any, why not I had not had children so I was not aware of the issues.
Judge away as a child. I would not. As a father I would welcome you home if you were a whore, a saint, a liar, an addict, death or any form of children. Strange too because I rarely judged and now I am not nor ever was a father because of my lifestyle, their judgment and all my life will not be for them. They never lived, apparently since my life was changed to protect ugliness, not of my doing but their needs to save face. The greatest shame to have imaginary daughters shame a life they never knew.
Religions are sometimes children, and I am out of that business forever, just to speak to them as they were and are children sometimes in context to their development. Enough said on that matter, it was a disaster once what they made from it. Yet everyone has to believe in something otherwise no one would lock their cars, doors, or watch their children like guardians. See. Belief, what you want.
Getting back to Fatherhood, from my memory it was the fun times, having them on chest and smelling the fresh baby smells, cutting their umbilical chords, falling a sleep holding them, sheltering them in my heart and arms, then letting them go, a gift to their once would be mother. Then they knew I suffered not seeing them, that were not. I keep the memory like a memory of a life, that one stole for her hatred of my family. Life. Her own, was her need and lust to have her met in the Hell that a sorted life was stolen from. She hated my life so much. Yet Fathers always forgive, since their Hearts are in the minds and my life was the hell I lived and much of my feeling was mental. I will never father again, never and that they wanted their hatred and chaste life back a disgrace to life.
It doesn't matter now. They had shamed my life in the physical and here they shame my life now, that I in the physical will never live is the 1238321 of my life. It is a codex of a meaning that shamed the life force of nature. They damned all creation erasing my life for their needs. Had my life not been how it is, then I would see it where it is just the same. Much is that way in life. "...so you won't have to do it." is what I told to another once, that I was bred in torture and hatred is what holds my spirit in check with judged comments. That the comments touch the feeling is the reason, they needed to see feelings, having had none for long in their slumbering void was the truth as well.
Fathers, like man destroyed here in the estrogen fields of fake foods and organic hells too expensive for the food products they made it all from. Damning them all to sterility eventual. I warned them about soy. The meaning that it is one whore women is her shame, never to have a man. Asexual beings from sex, the irony of sex I suppose of test tube infertile mixtures ruined in cloned farms. Maybe not, the advent of genetic manipulation, not a father's job and it is questionable. They don't see it. No, they grew in it.
I can say this, Fathers often are laid back and watch children run around. I did as they tortured my spirit in a cage like a vacuum test, to suck the life out of my Heart, never this heart to break save for nature. Like a lost silent child, then nature would break all. It did already. I was blamed for not disciplining and for , so I stopped. Just left. I never was married though, it such a sin in that many father's divorced. Breaking their own righteous beliefs. It was meant for spirit, and if the ghosts of dead monks and hurt animals need my Heart see then I would rather that than the lies around my waking eyes. So damned they hurt my Heart. And in a life cycle that never dies, I will be again in the pieces here or there that solar winds carry through the atmosphere of landed universes, that they never knew I could be in a piece birthing now in a far worlds, slowly as the eons creep in until time be laid at man's hand. Waking and longing in the night for my other pieces, while millions are on foot. Screaming as a chorus, echoing the night to hear my calls. It was home once that others were hearing, father or mother or son or tree in the bees sight would i be splintered and fragmented. It was eternity too, that they would find me.
I remember one had warned me not to xyz. Not her fault, my own sisters were her as one women is often the whole that death creates in a Father's life. They then are the damned, I would father and the lost in spirit. I would see the visions of dead spirit ghosts dance and that would make the need better and even sleep would come, for the dead always my companion in the lines I walked. That they in their ugliness of religion wanted garbage for creation was their natures walk. I forgave and in anger, or not will write my line was Hell on my life. That it is my life here, her damnation.
So be it father's often, like the Hell spawned in nature are gentle and wise to speak the truths that liars ears need to hear. Then shame befalls the house that envy made, and that drugs and alcohol soon to replace the memory of feelings, like a monkey lord once did in sheep land. That the slaughter never ends and begins is the truth that the Buddha would not cry for. It was a sad movie, the entire scope of creation because parts of the fragments land millions of miles away waiting for life to create the meaning of distance, yet light to light they touch in dances never seen. That light in the energy would once be traveled is soon yet to be known.
Some would say the Christian belief was that Lucifer fell on Gabrael and Michael's watch, or that he the nature spirit in all forms of creation and Heaven's damnation to eternal life in Hell of my presence. Many thoughts would them GAMEL, be none. Truth nature was more in Chaos and the words just pretty stories to tame the heart to the familiar. Had then a name been never spoken, in waiting they would now prior to awakening, the planet, unnamed.
Many times, a father could watch creations. Many life. Then in the meaning of cosmic dances it would be reflected in all forms of life, except a few. Then they oddities by some and jewels to others. Some fathers were not blood donors of seeds, and some were the death. Never mind the meaning even in the darkness of fear, you could call to a father in secret, just dream or a mother, yet I had done that once and her on the good ship Mary, we are. For my life so shamed her meaning of life she cursed me.
Fathers are well, what they are. Frail, strong, elusive at work, gone sometimes, imaged, loved, missed, dreams, desires, they become sons and then lovers, battle scared and I was called lazy and a dead beat dad. For a fantasy, that I would walk the life of another father for his own cowardice was unable, or the weight of thousands of years never felt until an event in only a few years. Or the Hells that a spirit like an invisible being that never was would suffer for false beliefs, because one did not like my accounting of their lies. Suffering, humanity penned hell for all creation in religions that never looked to fathers other than to be in whispers. I think they know what that means in a country world.
Unkind the greatest heart blow, was her need for her Heaven. I gave her my life, all my seeds and she spoiled the gift and I would destroy her world with two forgiveness, never to be spoken again. One thought "That God created the world in [it's] image" it was unseen and known before the need for idol worship, it was landed all about them teaching them in nature through its waking. Had then its own branches revolted as children often do was the mystery.
All welcome in all my homes, that a great kindness to be handed her hatred a red carpet, palmed to her flower need in the histories past. That the doors to my windowed eyes were on the ceiling and the feet that scraped the floor met me at my kneeling, and it knelt at my feet invisible to the eye and I bowed, in its meaning, like the river dance and walk of eons. My watch destroyed, then it fell to the imagination of innocent and then they all were in their adolescence innocent. As worlds change and develop. Do not test a father's ear to the trained education of the mouth of would be ghetto trash. It was known in the mouth that spoke educated, or scripted. They then are them self unheard in their spoken words, heard. Had they thought not noticed, let them have the cake and ice scream. Tortured as my life and being was no colored flags or prayers would save a never ending being of no death or birth.
Praise be to the Gods I always believed in and their rights to have been in creation in the first place and the knowledge that the dead religions often fall to rise and fall in the other houses as knew. Many had tested their meaning on my heart and many to the heart befell information to a house kept in one. It was a walk then, a walk about or an Australian shaman dance with rain sticks and the beaded hands of blood. That would not be the meaning yet offered.
It would be in the time, when a father would be asked again to lay down the tree of life, in vein yet that was the trap that killed another once in a line that half in life and half in spirit never do mix. If by choice it be that spirit in the nature of the physical known and senses alive there then in the spirit be spirit. Yet there are new rules in my house, pay attention and lay down your choices. Ask or leave, for having no children means I am nothing here or the father that needs to be reconciled with.
You would answer that a thousand times in your heart and mind. Who is he or who does he think he is telling us our history and faith belief history?