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- Advice & Tips for Parents of Teens
Seven Tips To Avoid Arguments with your Teen-aged son.
HOW MANY TIMES IN A DAY DOES YOUR TEENAGER SAY -WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE PROBLEMS WITH ME?
Motherhood - The self contented job
The Challenges a Teenager Poses
As you embark on life's greatest challenge- PARENTING - GOOD LUCK. Childbirth is the greatest joy in a marriage, but rearing children is an onerous task. It’s a bag of mixed feelings. Problems are an
intricate part of parenting and solving these problems is HAPPINESS.
Teenage is the time a child begins to think like an adult. A young adult minus the experience. And the toughest time for a parent. No matter how smart, educated or a high profile parent you may be, this is one job you do best, yet believe it could have been done better.
A great deal of understanding and strategic planning goes into rearing a child. The job is difficult and time consuming. Teenage is a difficult period, and the parent has to break the ice before the boat is rocked.
Are screaming, teasing, fighting, and hitting common problems among your siblings? Does your child refuse to wake up on time, dress slowly, is just in time for school, leave his room untidy? Are studies not as important to him? Or if they are does he have his own way of dealing with them, quite different from yours? Do you panic and enter a state of unrest you never dreamed of? Does your house ring with the following conversation as you say-
“Oh no, don't do that.”
“You have a problem with everything I do.”
Every suggestion, even the slightest difference of opinion is met with the same remark.
1. Keep Your Cool.
Arguments and confrontations are a normal part of teen parenting. Do not worry these are passing phases in every parent's life. But that never means one can ignore it. Neither can a parent hold an argument thinking the solution is at arm’s length. The child at this moment does not have the proper frame of mind to understand harsh realities of life a parent wishes to convey. Nor can he apply logic in the midst of an argument.
2. Do not panic.
Your child is not different from others. Arguments and confrontations are a normal part of teen parenting .The root cause of such problems is a child thinks and understands at a very different level from the parent.
3. Forgive and Forget
One of the first attributes a parent requires is to forgive and forget as soon as possible. No bad feelings, no derogatory remarks, not even later. There isn't a slim chance such words could
ever produce the desired effect. On the other hand, any negative remark about the child as a person , could be ingrained in his opinion of himself for a lifetime. Such words irrational and meaningless break down your child. Never ever criticize a child as a person. Your child has a giant ego. It's the action that is displeasing. So always reprimand him for the action.
4. Just move on:-
In the middle of a disagreement or a loud argument do not preach pragmatism or the difference between right and wrong. Just leave the point of argument physically and mentally. Reformat your state of mind, let peace prevail. Both of you need some time. When sanity returns (such incidents drive both of you insane) each one knows exactly what is right and wrong. If a discussion
ensues on the same ground, chances are far brighter it is a logical one. And very often the child openly or indirectly will convey to you he was wrong. But if you feel you were wrong, do not refrain from apologizing. Your relationship with the child will only change for the better and his confidence will boost up. A confident child is every parent's dream.
5. Shift the focus and earn his respect.
When an argument escalates, it is the normal tendency of a parent to focus on his failures, point out on the child's misgivings. The past is ushered in, and the child blamed. It is vital that instead of focusing on the child's incapacity, focus on his achievements. When a child falters, he needs you to wipe his tears. Is he expecting too much of a parent? The last thing he needs is some blame or fault finding. His self confidence is at its lowest, and now is the time to stand firmly behind him, support him. He will respect you tremendously for it.
6. Acknowledge him.
Reward him for good behaviour. Acknowledge his achievements in words and actions. Never run out of praise when he deserves it. An appreciative smile, an affectionate pat, simple word such as, ‘Great! , Well done’, ‘You have done us proud’; can work wonders. Even dance if you can. The child will definitely love to see a repeat performance. It is every child's wish to please his parents. Parents love praise too, why wouldn't a child? A child who thrives on praise is always self confident.
7. Accept him.
That's the greatest tool in dealing with a child. His impatience, rebuttal, immaturity, short span of concentration, love for life, easy going attitude, enthusiasm for the smallest of pleasures are possible when he has your protection. As he grows, responsibility will loom so large, he may forget to laugh. So, respect him and let him be, as long as he is on the right path in the larger
role of life.
Rejoice for a bud has little time before it is a full grown rose.