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"For Those We Love" by Rolly A. Chabot

Updated on August 25, 2012
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Welcome

Today finds me in another city visiting Mom who is living in a continuing care facility which I have come to appreciate for their care and dedication for the well being of the residents here. It is obvious the hearts they have as they serve.

Tonight I can not help but think of where many of us find ourselves as we age. What does the future hold for us. It is something we have no control over but we must be witness to some hard things in life as we watch our parents age.

Sorry for the lack of a fire tonight. No fireplaces here. Just you and I and this screen and keyboard that wants me to say something. Welcome and lets take a short journey through what I have in mind tonight... Above all know that you are dearly loved and cared about...

Life

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There is a joyful sadness that has settled in over my heart this day as I watched my mother who has reached the grand age of 91 struggle with her words in her attempts to share her thoughts. She openly admits her frustration at not being able to speak what is on her mind. Is this what we have to look forward to as we age is the question I ponder this night.

I think the hardest part is each time I come to visit her memory is slowly disappearing. Today was likely the hardest as she struggled to remember who I was. Over the years I have been told that I ressemble my Dad in many ways. It has been 6 years since he passed away. Today as Mom looked deeply at me and traced her hands over my features she saw Dad in me and broke out in tears many times and called me by his name. It is comforting to know there is still some recognition there for the man she spent 63 years with as a married couple.

For those of you who know me my childhood was not the best and my relationship with Mom was strained at times and yet there was a mutual understanding of love, especially over the past several years. Tonight as I have been thinking of this I realize her concern was over my welfare was all she had during those hard years. You see I certainly drifted off the expected life path for several years. There were many prayers lifted for me during those years. In 2000 I finally found the way I had been searching for and gave my life to the Lord.

I recall many a prayer as a child where Mom and Dad would pray that God grant them a son or daughter who would become a priest or a nun. It was to happen but not in the faith they had been raised in. I was ordained as a Pastor a few years later and led both of them to the Lord. Even today as I was visiting I took Mom out to listen to a gospel group singing and found the memory may be slipping but the spirit that lives within Mom is still alive and well as she sang some old familiar hymns.

For those who have seen the loss of memory of a parent I know it is hard to witness. Take peace in knowing deep inside they understand and wait for those moments of clarity when they speak of what really is within. It is in those times where we can find peace and be filled with joy.

© Rolly A. Chabot

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    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 4 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Billy...Tears come easy for me as I read your comment of being sober when you seen your parents. Both mine saw the same with me after many years of battling the addiction. Some of my Dad's final words to me were of his pride that all had turned out as they had.

      Life carries on and the examples we have had are the ones we learn to follow.

      Proud of you Billy... Hugs

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      A beautiful story my friend! My best friend, 52 yrs old, has Alzheimer's.....there are days he struggles to remember who I am...it is painful to see, and yet I am the one who provides comfort, and the times he remembers most things we can laugh at shared joys.

      Both of my parents are gone, and although sad I was able to be with both of them when they died....and I was sober at the time....so I have that gift for the rest of my life.

      Thank you for sharing this; it has touched me.

      peace and love from Olympia,

      bill

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi DeBorrah... thanks for the comment and sharing with us as well... sorry to hear of the passing and all the loss you have been through. The greatest blessing is knowing where are families are.

      Many hugs and above all know that you are loved...

      Hugs from Canada on holidays...

    • DeBorrah K. Ogans profile image

      DeBorrah K Ogans 5 years ago

      Rolly A Chabot, Wonderful heartfelt hub! The fire may not be present but this hub certainly warms my heart! How sweet that your Mom is still able to find a sense of comfort when you visit.... This does bring back memories and I am glad that my parents made it to the their eighties, my Father passed on first and then my Mother six years later both of them slept away in their home.

      It is true about feeling somewhat like an orphan. I was reminded that my Mom prayed for a daughter and this is also why she named me DeBorrah after the only woman judge in the Bible! I had all brothers... My eldest brother just passed last week and it really makes you appreciate the Lord that much more knowing that through Jesus Christ we have eternal life. Praise God!

      Thank you as always for sharing, In HIS Love, Grace, Joy, Peace & Blessings! God Bless You!

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Anna... Good to see you at the Fireside... hopefully you will find some rest and peace here from a busy day.

      I agree with you about the Elderly of our society. Often taking the time to sit and visit no matter if they are family or otherwise you walk away with such a wonderful blessing as they have so much to share...

      Hugs from Canada

    • AnnaCia profile image

      AnnaCia 5 years ago

      Rolly, I am so glad you visit your mother and spend time with her. I did my internship at a hospital (Geriatric Unit). I felt so good working with the elderly patients. I was lucky. I wish the best for your mom. Keep talking to her, show her old pictures, tell her how the weather is, and embrace her. Thank you for sharing.

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Morning Sannel... someone once told me after both their parents passed away they had this lingering feeling of being and orphan. They talked about it at length and I can certainly understand what they were saying.

      Aging is something I have thought about these past years.

      Thanks for you gracious comment and thoughts. There is always room in the rocker here...

      Hugs back at you...

    • profile image

      Sannel 5 years ago

      Those exact thought has run to my mind many times; where will we find ourselves as we age. What does the future hold for us? It is a scary thought, and as a childless woman, knowing there are no children to take care of you, it may even feel scarier. My mum got sick at an early age and my father and I took care of her until she passed away, then my father passed away 6 years later. One thing is for certain, when the parents are gone, that special love you always felt are also gone, and nothing will ever be the same. Thank you Rolly for sharing this beautiful hub with us. Blessings!

      Hugs from Sweden!

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi TT... thanks for the comment and sorry about you parents not making it to the ripe age... Dad passed away when he was 93 so I guess that means longevity runs in the family...

      Hugs back at you

    • TToombs08 profile image

      Terrye Toombs 5 years ago from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map.

      Very beautiful and touchy, Rolly. My parents never made it to a ripe old age, but I did watch as they dealt with this with their own parents. I wish you and your mom many more days of clarity and peace. *hugs*

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Sue... it is hard to be witness to it happening for certain. I was talking to a good friends in Michigan the other day and they shared their battle of watching the same.

      I guess the greatest blessing is those very rare moments when the memory comes back and you are called by name... Thanks for the comment ...

      Hugs from Alberta

    • profile image

      Sueswan 5 years ago

      Hi Rolly,

      A dear family friend who passed away a few years ago suffered from dementia. She visited us with her daughter and grandchildren . We live in Toronto. She thought she was in Minneapolis. It was so sad to see the look of fear and confusion on her face when her daughter told her they were in Toronto. I have many fond memories of Wilma who we affectionately called Aunt Ma.

      Voted up and away

      Hugs from Toronto

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Christy... thanks for the prayers and well wishes... back home again and pounding out another book ... hope your time with the folks is good... say hello and that should get them laughing. Some nut in Alberta passing along blessings.... have a great long weekend yourself... we expect another great poem coming on soon.

      Hugs from here...

    • ChristyWrites profile image

      Christy Birmingham 5 years ago from British Columbia, Canada

      Sending prayers to you and your mom. She must be so proud of the wonderful person you are and strength of your spirit. I am glad you are spending time with her. I hope to see my parents today. Take care friend.

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi tillsontitan... smiles... it sounds like you as well have been in ths difficult place. Even though it is hard to watch and be a part of at the end of the day I still have her with us all and that in itself is a blessing.

      Hugs and Blessings

    • tillsontitan profile image

      Mary Craig 5 years ago from New York

      Watching our parents age...watching their frailties...seeing them weakened...no matter how strong we are, it is difficult to see the two most important people in our lives...the people we've always looked up to...in this sad and sorry state. Prayer is all that can see us through.

      Voted this up and beautiful.

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Pamela... thank you for your comment and yes it does create an entirly new dynamic watching them slowly fade.

      Welcome to the Fireside... I do hope you enjoy your time here...

      Hugs from Canada

    • Rolly A Chabot profile image
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      Rolly A Chabot 5 years ago from Alberta Canada

      Hi Polly... so sorry to hear about what happened to your Mom. That is so wrong. Our seniors including ourselves deserve better than to be treated that way. Thank you for sharing with us. A hard thing for anyone to see happen...

      Hugs as always from Canada

    • Pamela Kinnaird W profile image

      Pamela Kinnaird W 5 years ago from Maui and Arizona

      Yes, so many emotions involved as we watch our parents age and their memory decline. A beautiful and poignant hub.

    • Pollyannalana profile image

      Pollyannalana 5 years ago from US

      So sad. You are lucky though your mom is in a good nursing home. My mom was not and she was treated terrible and was in the emergency room just all the time with falls, broken bones, fevers (you name it) and with three years of this I was about crazy. (This was more than one place too) Mom had Alzheimer's and she called everyone by my name but didn't know it was me when she saw me. She did know I was to be trusted though and would always tell me on them. She whistled and sang my whole life through until Dad died and then the song went with him. It is sad. They killed her finally causing a heart attack with some wrong medicine. Two years ago this summer. I feel for you. God bless and help you through.

      Beautiful flower.