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Funny Things that Kids Say

Updated on September 27, 2012

Oh, the things kids say!

One exceptionally wonderful thing about being a parent is to experience your children learning language, and in the process saying, funny and adorable, but sometimes very embarrassing things. I am the proud mother of a 2 year old and a 5 year old and experience this often. You always think you will remember the funny things your kids say, because at the time they are unforgettable, but write them down. Keep a journal of all the things your children say, it will be a joy to read years later. I have collected, from friends and family, some quotes from adorable kids that are sure to make you laugh. Enjoy!

Colin, age 3- As his mother wakes to make some coffee she finds her 1 year old
playing in the living room downstairs, absent was her 3 year old, so she calls
out, "Colin, where are you?" and she hears his response. " I am upstairs playing
with the hookers on your bed, I promise I will put their clothes back on when I
am done;" ( He calls hangers- hookers).

Bryce, age 5- "Why is it bad to call someone mediocre, because if they are lame
and boring, isn't it nicer to call them mediocre?"

Colin, age 3- My sister's six year old was reading her 3 year old 'Cat in the Hat'
and she hears him say, " That is so sad." So she asks him, "Colin, what is so
sad?" " Mommy," he says, his big blue eyes filling with tears, "They had NOTHING
to do!!"

Anessa, age 4- Anessa came home from t-ball practice with her cousin Colson, who was on the same team. She was thrilled to tell me her future plans. "Mom" she says with excitement in her voice, "Guess what, someday Colson and I are going to get married." I begin to think of a way to explain that cousins can't get married when she notices my concern. ' Don't worry mom, only for a little while, then we are going to become astronauts."

Bryce, age 5- One day Bryce came home from school, filled with new knowledge was so excited to share. As the family sat down at the dinner table Bryce announced "Did you know bread was made from weed?" The class had just learned that bread was made from wheat.

Anessa, age 5. As Anessa and I were getting ready for school one day, Anessa
asks if she can wear fancy clothes and have her hair done really nice. "Okay
honey," I say, "but what’s the special occasion?" Anessa sighs "Mom, its
celebrity day at school today and there will be many people taking my picture, I
don't wanna get caught looking frumpy."

Chaney, age 5 Walking through Wal-Mart one day with her mother Chaney sees a
women wearing pajama pants. "Mom" she says in a loud voice, "look, she gave up
on life."

More submissions by some wonderful parents. Thank you to all who contributed to this!

Sitting at the computer I hear Aubree, age 2, screaming "Dad Dad"
so I go in there and ask her what is wrong...
Aubree- "Swiper the fox is in my bed..."
Me- "Well, you better tell him, Swiper, no swiping so he will get out of your
Aubree- "I cant sleep with a Fox in my bed..."
Me- "So i guess that means you're sleeping in my bed then?".
Aubree- "Yep love u Dad
I think she played me........

My son, who is 8, asked me, "Mom, what does OB stand for?" Before I could
answer, he said "OUT BABY?" He was so serious, I tried explaining to him but he
thinks it still stands for "out baby.". Makes sense though.

My son was about 3 years old and I gave him a sandwich with lettuce on it for
the first time. He crinkled his nose, pointed to the lettuce, and said, "I don’t
eat grass."

I will never forget my youngest son, Brock, asking me (after going to the local
museum) exactly when did our town 'come to color'? I couldn't understand at
first what he meant. I told him our town had always been 'in color' and he said,
"Nope, even Andy Griffith's town had to come to color."

Chloe recently twisted her ankle getting into the back seat of my car... she
said ,"I hope I don't have to walk on crotches." She had no clue why we thought
that was funny.

When Tyler was 2 he came running into the kitchen while I was cooking, waving a
sword and shouted, "Can I kill you now mommy?" I gasped and said, "Tyler, that
is not nice. We don't say things like that!" He responded, "Oh, can I kill you
now PLEASE mommy?"

Okay, so Maya is around 2 and we are in a line at Safeway or Walmart. Maya
asks the person behind us if they are a boy or a girl. The person says she is a girl. Maya, in a loud voice, says, "Well, then you must have a vagina." I pretended I was the babysitter.

Kjirsten: "Mom, Matthew is putting his mouth on my harmonica and he's sick!'..
Matthew: "Just cause I have a runny nose and my
head hurts and my stomach hurts doesn’t mean I'm sick!"

Matthew asked me where babies come from and I said to ask me again in a few
years.. so he asked grandma and she said "Ask your mom." Matthew says, "She
doesn’t know either!" :)

Enjoy these times

Children are learning about life on a daily basis, they bring joy and humor to everyday things, and the funny things they say are full of innocence! Enjoy those embarrassing moments and remember that they are only little for a short time.


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    • profile image


      5 years ago

      My 4 year old niece Madison has a piggy bank filled with a lot of money from Christmas and my sister wanted to borrow $30 from her. She saw my sister take the money out and put it in her purse & so Madison said "mama, you know better than to go in my piggy bank! Now how am I supposed to pay my bills?!!"

    • freecampingaussie profile image


      7 years ago from Southern Spain

      Love your hub some funny stories here lol !My daughter used to have trouble saying Trish so called my friend tits ( she used to hide from us as she had large ones & hated heasring my daughter yell "TITS"( you have put 3 stories in twice )

    • mkrandhawa profile image


      7 years ago from India

      really superb hub i like it :). now i am your follower

    • profile image


      7 years ago


    • nighthag profile image

      K.A.E Grove 

      7 years ago from Australia

      Kids are just downright adorable, thanks for reminding us to cherish these fleeting moment

    • Mandeeadair profile imageAUTHOR


      7 years ago from California

      Thank you all for reading. This was my favorite hub because I laughed the whole time! It is great to have them on paper and I have friends and family that have submitted many, many more so I will do a volume 2 for sure :)!

    • chspublish profile image


      7 years ago from Ireland

      Hey there mandee, there's the makings of a book here I think.

      It's great to share the wonderful qwuality of children's insights. Great and funny.

      I had a child who didn't pronounce the 'S' in words. so you can imagine the kind of difficulties that posed. I found I had to 'translate' the word without 's' back into words with 's' before I could understand him. There was usually a long pause before I would answer. I eventually told him to include the 's' sound because 's' was lonely and he did, almost straight away!! Anyway thanks for yours. A great read.

    • JLClose profile image


      7 years ago from OreGONE

      Love this hub! It brought a smile to my face.

    • profile image

      Giselle Maine 

      7 years ago

      Thanks for putting together this collection of kids sayings. It definitely got my day off to a good start! I loved the one about your son Colin and the hangers!!! Absolutely hilarious!

    • Edlira profile image


      7 years ago

      He he, some funny sayings...Children are really smart and unpredictable :-)!


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