Getting Older and The Family That Could Care Less
The Apology ----
I admit...I am venting here. I just hope that someone with aging or elderly parents or loved ones, realize that as we get older, we constantly think of our families. We remember the good times, and try to look past the bad ones, realizing that life is much too short to hold grudges.
However, sometimes, when the family doesn't care, it slaps us in the face. My husband is 15 years my elder. He has been ever faithful, loyal and loving. He cares about me, his family and life. Yes, I am venting, because I have nowhere else to vent.
Therefore, I am sorry if this is offensive or if you feel I am being unfair. These are my thoughts, my feelings and the pain I feel. I am sure that among all those getting older out there, that I am NOT ALONE! Children....all ages....respect your parents, love your parents. They gave you life and shared theirs with you.
When people get married, usually in their younger years, they think that they will have a happy lfe, like the ones on television, where the children respect, love and really care about their parents as they get older.
I'm here to tell you...that is only a sitcom and doesn't really happen. The ratio for those type families is way lower than anyone of us would like to admit!
Even when parents divorce, they still care about their children. They cry, worry, support and are concerned beyond belief for the health and well-being of their children.
For myself.....I never had children. But, I married a most wonderful man when in my early 20's who had just gotten out of a marriage where the ex-wife believed that variety was the spice of life and decided she didn't like his spice anymore, and changed brands. I couldn't have children, but was excited at the prospect of having step-children that I could love and treat as my own. My husband loved his children dearly, but due to the ex-wife, his letters and phone calls were not to get through to his children. I watched many nights as he cried because he had 'lost' his children.
Afterwards, for many years, we paid for the children to visit us for 3 months each summer just so that we could be with them. As they grew older....they wanted nothing to do with that, except of course that the ex-wife decided she couldn't handle the daughter anymore and told us to come get her...or else! We dropped everything and drove 1600 round-trip over a weekend to move her in with us.
Time goes on.....they graduate high school, some get married, others develop problems. The married one moves close by, which elated us! Wow! Family! Grandkids! What more could we ask. Of course, she goes off the deep end, gets mixed up in drink and drugs and, after getting arrested and fined numerous times, decided that moving to another geographical location would be better. She then decided that we wouldn't be allowed to see our grandchildren for the next 11 years!
Do the other children help or feel an injustice being done to us? No. They feel we have no right.
The Next 15 Years or So....
After the daughter that decided we couldn't see the grandchildren divorced....our ex-son-in-law calls us and ask if we would like to see our Grandson! We were elated! After 11 years...a chance to see at least one of our grandchildren! As long as our son-in-law lived, he saw to it that an opportunity was made for us to share some time with our grandson...our granddaughter was in the custody of our daughter, and visits were not an option.
As time went on...things progressed with the other children, and we visited them, trying to build a relationship after it had been damaged by the ex-wife. It was tough, but we felt for several years that we were making ground. Then, our granddaughter gets pregnant at 14 after being abandoned by her mother......across the country. What do you do? We offered help. Being poor as church mice, we were willing to give everything we had to help her.
The 'family' decried our efforts...telling us to back off and leave it alone. Now...we are back where we started. Trying to do the right thing and being told at every turn, we are the problem.
Realization and beyond....
Let's make the long story shorter....
A child is born to a child. Five years and another child later, these children are in the custody of the state because they are abused. The five year old has to have every tooth in her head worked on extensively because of lack of care. She goes through dental surgery at the age of 5 to pull teeth, do root canals, caps and spacers because of neglect. The infant is the star of a home video that is placed on YouTube as the victim of vampires. To this day, he is terrified of Halloween, but, as he is placed back with the mother, is forced to partake of these horrors.
For over 2.5 years we took care of these children at the request of the state and our granddaughter. We nurtured them, taught them, cared for them and parented them. It took our granddaughter that long to realize that she needed them back because she couldn't hold a job to make a living and needed the income the state would give her. We got no help, financially or otherwise, from the otherwise rather well-off children that had abandoned us.
So, now, once again, the family has ostracized us for caring about the children. We have been told to keep away, mind our own business and that she is doing a 'wonderful job' of 'raising these kids'. It's o.k. for the children to share one room in a house with their mother. They sleep on the floor, and never know where they will be each night. One young one doesn't even know her as his mother.
We attempted a family dinner yesterday to attempt extending the olive branch and mend relations. Did anyone come?? Did anyone call?? Did anyone care??
If you are a parent...expect nothing in the future.
As for myself...If I sound angry, hurt or otherwise...maybe I am. I had no children, only step-children...step-grandchildren and step-great-grandchildren. I love them all. I love them as they are my own. I also love my husband...a man who had his children taken from him. He didn't fight for the custody. Even when one would want to stay with us and not go back from a summer visit, he didn't want to fight or cause the children any pain. He stepped back and let the ex-wife decide...he kept the peace.
Now as he has gotten older, grayer and is living in the winter of his years, his children don't care about him. That hurts. Not just him, but me. I love him dearly and have been there through everything. All he wants is to know they care...not their love, he doesn't expect that anymore, but just that they care.
In today's society, this happens all too much. Parents who give their life for their kids and then are shoved aside like an old, discarded newspaper. I have no children, I have no one to care for me when I am old. But I'll be damned if my husband will be left alone! I am angry! He deserves better from his children. They owe me nothing, and I don't expect it! But I'll be damned if I let them hurt him again!
I hope one day, these children read this and recognize themselves. I hope you might realize the pain you caused your father who loved you very, very much. I hope you realized that in his retirement years, he took care of infants that couldn't take care of themselves and got no help from you..only ridicule.
So ... to my dear, darling husband of 35 years....I love you. You have dealt with your children, grand-children and great-grandchildren most admirably. You were there for them when they always needed you, and gave of yourself whenever they asked. You moved across the country, giving up your home and business, to help your son, only to be shunned away when he didn't need you anymore. We are one...forever and always...and I promise...I will always love and never will I leave you. You make me complete.
The Updated Version
On 12/23 I had a car accident that left me hospitalized and my husband without transportation. After frantically trying to reach my son, I was finally able to reach my husband and let him know of my situation.
He was able, that night to get a ride from a neighbor to the hospital. Thank goodness for good neighbors, as this one had dinner guests coming and left his home to help my husband!
Once I arrived at the hospital, my son called to let me know he got my message, asked me the situation and noted that he would probably see me later. I told him that was good as his father could use the support. This was the last we heard from him.....to date, 1/9/2013.
On the following day, my husband attempted calling his children to get a ride to the hospital to bring me necessary things and equipment that I needed. No one would respond. Finally, late that afternoon of 12/24, my husband began the 14 mile walk to the hospital. My husband is 72. He walked most of the way before he was picked up by a good samaritan and brought to the hospital. He stayed overnight with me until other arrangements could be made.
So, once again, family has proved useless to us. These children were not raised this way, but have become more interested in their own lives than that of helping others....let alone their own parents! It's sad when a workmate rents a car to loan us instead of our own children lifting a finger to help.
Society needs an overhaul!