- Family and Parenting
Diary of a Wife
The Night Before
I'm laying in bed after telling my babies goodnight. (Okay, so they are not babies anymore, but they're under eighteen, so they are still babies to me.) The oldest needed a hug, the middle one needed some back rubs, and the youngest needed me to hold her hands and pray with her. They still need me, but someone else needs me too now. My husband is closing up the house downstairs, locking doors and such.
I say a silent prayer to God as I hear my husband shuffling around downstairs. I pray that we can do something great tomorrow as it's Wednesday, our day off together. I pray we won't argue about the little things. There is a bigger world out there, bigger than our petty arguments. A world filled with potential for a husband and wife to deepen the intimacy of their marriage, and bring us closer to God together.
Our children will go to school tomorrow morning. The last child is to leave at seven thirty. We will be up and getting ready ourselves deciding what the day has in store for us. Years ago we decided Wednesday was our day during the school year. No children to intervene in our interactions with one another. We need it desperately. The rest of the week can be chaos, football practice, band practice, girl-scouts and more. It all pulls us in different directions.
We enjoy our children. We love seeing them do their thing, but sometimes we need a break from it all, and enjoy just the two of us. I continue to pray that the kiddos will be safe as they sleep, and then rise to head out into the traffic of the morning.
My husband finally arrives in our bedroom, sees my eyes are closed and hands folded, and knows I'm praying. He gives me a moment to finish, and he climbs into bed with me. We give a sigh of relief as we know all is calm and everyone is safe in our house, and most importantly in the arms of God.
I continue to think of ideas for our day tomorrow. I do it for that person that needs me now. He needs me to plan a special day for us, so we can grow together. I'm the planner. He usually goes along with me on whatever I plan, but I'm careful to plan something he will enjoy too. It's part of marriage. You must keep your spouse's interests in mind too. Enjoy something together.
The Mental List of Activities
Things he likes:
-ride our motorcycle
-eat out for lunch
Things I like:
-eat lunch together
-ride our motorcycle
I've listed our favorite things to do together in order of importance for each person. I'm an exerciser. I like to get outdoors and be in nature. He likes the motorcycle. We got it less than a year ago, and he likes to be on it a lot. I like the motorcycle, but I get a numb rear if I'm on it too long, so it's not my favorite thing to do. I do enjoy it though, and he does like to hike.
We both like to eat meals together, and to go out especially when the kids are in school. It's a lot cheaper to pay for two than five, especially when you have teenage boys. I tend to be more frugal. So, if we can do something together, then head home for lunch and save money, I opt for that.
We like to do the same things, just not in the same order. So what's the best choice for us tomorrow? That's why it's so important to have my mental diary. I want us both to be happy, so I must ponder this carefully.
Unforgettable Motorcycle Views
Compromise is Key
Compromise, compromise, compromise, how many times have we heard this in our lives as a way to resolve conflict? Many times times I'm sure. It is the key to a successful marriage. He likes things, you likes other things, but there has to be a way to enjoy both so we can all be happy.
As I ponder tomorrow, I don't want to make him upset. I want to have fun too though, so I carefully plan. What if we ride our motorcycle to a state park, then hike, and have a picnic lunch? Better yet, how about we ride the motorcycle to a state park, hike, then get back on the bike and go to a nearby restaurant and eat lunch together?
I stop again to pray to God, and decide to bring this all to him as I plan. I'll have a conversation with him about how tomorrow should go.
I try to be still and listen to the Lord. As the Bible says in Psalm 46: 10, "Be still and know that I am God." I will wait to hear what God says about my plan. I will sit motionless, making my mind blank as I wait for a knowing of what he thinks is best. Something as small as this one day in my life is an opportunity for me to grow with my spouse and my God.
Being in Nature Brings us Close to God
A Taste of the Motorcycle Ride
The Final Compromise
I decide to give the two options I came up with to my husband. I let him think about what he wants. I knew he wanted to ride the bike, he knew I wanted to hike, so he's only deciding about the lunch issue. He decided we should have a picnic lunch. I think he chooses that because he knows how cheap I can be.
So we will grab lunch from home, purchasing only gas for this day. We will both still enjoy the day because I planned it so we can both have our way, but we still compromised because we didn't do all of what he wanted or all of what I wanted.
He chose lunch the way I wanted it, so I make a mental note to do it his way next time. Keeping that note will make him feel important because I remembered his preference. Those tiny notes can make the biggest difference in one's marriage.
A day away together was what we needed. We got on the bike and headed to a familiar state park. We probably go there once a year or so. I know the view will be amazing on the trail. He knows the open air on the bike will revive him. He thrives on the views from the bike.
We see many interesting things as we zoom by at seventy miles per hour. We live in a subdivision of rules and regulations on how to keep your house and yard. Out here off the interstate, it's have your home however you want it. I see a house with a front yard of pigs eating from their trough. I point it out to him and I feel his body shake with giggles. He points out a house that has several airplanes in it's backyard that are set high in the sky for passerby's.
We arrive at the state park an hour after being on the bike, and my rear is ready for the relief of getting off the seat. I am excited because I know the trails will be full of life this spring. There will be turtles sunning on limbs in the lake, and flowers will be breaking their way through the pressed down landscape as we had so many snows this winter. I'm as giddy as he was when we hopped on the bike.
We feel the closeness we have today. We feel that nothing could go wrong in this day where we are sharing our favorites together. We chit chat on the trail about daily life, but we are careful in our talk. We don't want to ruin this, so we are open to each others conversation. We are better listeners today. We listen, we don't interrupt with our opinions.
Through the week we become weak as our children, our work, and our tasks pull us under. Today we are rejuvenated. A frog! Oh wow, a frog crosses our path on the trail. My husband reaches down to pick up the little fellow. He is the tiniest little guy, and he is set free after a few strokes on this back.
I feel so close to my husband as we have enjoyed the day. We will do this again next week. We will be together in love, in nature, and feel so close to God as he created it all for us.
Trail to Happiness
How often do you and your spouse do something to renew your marriage?
The Diary Goes On
This was about a day of my diary. I constantly am thinking of things in my marriage. Tomorrow is a little different as my husband returns to work tomorrow evening. I have the day off again, so I will spend the morning with him. Once again, I will think of how tomorrow will go even if it is shorter. I am a wife who plans, who thinks often.
I have a goal in life to make my life and and the lives of those around me happy. It includes careful acknowledgement of who is really in charge. God is in charge. No matter how I plan the day, he has authority over it. I have free will, but he is in control also. I can make bad choices, but ultimately his plan will wind its way around my choices. He will use my choices to his benefit where he sees fit.
A strengthened marriage is what occurred here today as we saw God's creation around us. We even talked about how blessed we are to have such beauty in life that surrounds us. We feel a wholeness from his creation. A filling of our souls as we prayed before our meal together.
Until the next diary entry...