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Good bye Mr.Divorce, we keep the family

Updated on November 16, 2011

No family is perfect

All sociological surveys, psychological studies, criminal records clearly point out at two messages:

1 Children from divorced families are more prone to become delinquents, and create social problems.

2 . Even amidst defects, couple who live together for longer time, experience

better happiness than the divorced couple.

No doubt there are certain exceptions to these statements, but, as one author put it, 'exceptions confirm generalisations'.

In western countries divorce is more common and an accepted behaviour.The simple excuse in most cases is 'We couldn't reach an understanding.'That, inspite of dating,acquintance for conciderable period, etc.

But , it is better if one thing is remembered-'understanding ' is always a relative term.It is never complete. Even in long living couples, 'understanding' often keeps expanding its horizon.

WHAT IS 'UNDERSTANDING?'

The frequently mentioned concept 'understanding' is nothing but the depth of the knowledge of the attitudes of the partner- to be brief.It needs tolerence, keenness, sympathy, similar wavelength, and such other factors to fill to the brim.Whenever these things are lacking, coupled with hastiness,egoism etc, 'understanding' remains ununderstood.! And tha'swhen our young couple start thinkingthat they 'can not pull on together'.And, that's where they exactly fail.

DIVORCE-WHEN?

It is not the argument here that every marriage can be saved anddivorce is an hasty act. Only purpose here is to make breaking families to stop and look back calmly and see whether they are not proceeding towords seperation for repairable reasons.Every couple , when they are thinking of seperation, says-'we have thought all that. The gap between us is too big ti repair'.But if they sustain with patience, just after passage of sometime,thwhen they cool down, they may laugh at their earlier thought.Such casers have happened in many families.

Divorce may be inevitable in some cases like-

1. One of the partner is a serious addict to drugs/alchohal/gambling etc, and doesn't agree for counselling,and such other remedies.

2 Too lazy and doesn't take any responsibility,but forces wife to pay for his own expences.

3 . Gives physical torture to his spouse.

Apart from such cases, divorce for just, 'tastes differ',or, 'our interests won't agree' ,etc do not contribute for a better future.In South Asian countries, according to some reports, most happy couple who lived together for as long as 40-50 years, are reported to have confessed that their interets agree to only 50-60 percent.

REASONS FOR DEVELOPING A SPLIT

Large number of divorces in recent decades in advanced countries take place for reasons whinch could be repaired.When cases are carefully examined, we find the root of split lies in one or more of the following reasons-

1 The feeling in one partner that the other person is not hearing to his/her opinions.

2 One of the partners always insulting /suspecting the other

3 Sexual dissatisfaction

4 Igoistic behaviour of both or any one etc

If we calmly look at these causes it will be very clear that none of these areirrepairable.One must have the will to mend his/ her defects and other should sympathetically help it.

FORGIVE AND FORGET

This is the key word to keep the family united.No quarrel should be prolonged.One should not frequently point out to the past mistakes of the other and insult him/her. When we point out one finger to the mistakes of the other, other three fingers point to us only.Nobody is perfect.We can't see our own back.So, instead of grumbling at other's fault, it is better to forgive and forget it provided the other party posseses love and concern for his partner.if that is there, then everything else could be secondery. At ther same time, we should develop the good nature of admiitng our defects.Let not Igo spoil our relations.

wHY TO SAVE FAMILY?

Question that many people ask is -'why should I pull on with this person when I am in no way inferior to him/her?' It is true. In these days both are earning and have equal capacities. But living as a family is better for the following reasons:

1 For the sake of children- who will have better peace of mind if they know that their parents love each other.They will be mentally comfortable.

2 Even if we divorce and take another partner, there also we find dissatisfaction as he/she will also be having one or the other defect.

3 Nobody can be a better companion in the old age excepthusband and wife.

4 Couple who live together for longer time present proudful children than those who live seperately.( Seperated couple may develop their children with good education and they also start good earnings. But they , in most cases have an unstable mind.)

These and number of other reasons encourage us to keep the family united and drive off the idea of divorce from our mind.

A recent report from reuters says that in U.K.The cases of divorce has slightly come down in the past 30 years.It is slightly soothing. Reuiters reports that in 1993there were 1,80,018 divorces where as in 2004-05 it came down to 1,48,141,i.e.4.5% less than the previous period.

There is another person writing in these hubpages, who has written her experiences.She is-Katie Moseff.Please go through her articles like'Divorce and thetoll it takes' in this same website.

NO PERSON IS PERFECT;AND HENCE NO FAMILY..LET'S LIVE HAPPILY AMIDST OUR DEFECTS AND DISAGREEMENTS.

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    • charlemont profile image

      charlemont 10 years ago from Lithuania

      Divorce is a terrible thing for children. My cousin went through great troubles to separte from her husband, who cheated on her and moved to England with another girl... their son has just reached 13 years which is a very hard time for boys. Permanent deep-lying conflict, hate for the mother who missed his father - that's the result of broken marriage.

    • prasadjain profile image
      Author

      Dr.S.P.PADMA PRASAD 10 years ago from Tumkur

      Thank you Mrs.Jazlive. This hub has been commented by a viewer after a long gap. Your impressions are fully agreeable.Wish your kids and husband a happy life for ever.

    • JazLive profile image

      JazLive 10 years ago from Decatur

      In the USA - generally the "throw-a-way society" - divorce is like "a do over"

      I agree with the exceptions for some couples do need "deliverance"

      Also, I agree that many children of divorced parents do go astray more often than children of parents who stay together (even stressful unions).

      Children of many single parents, whose spouse has deceased, fair much better than many children of single parents whose partner has left/abandoned the family.

      I can only speak from a female perspective, which is - Girls, shop around, practice sexual abstinence, decline expensive gifts until you have received an engagement ring and be careful of the types of gift offerings from guys you can not imagine standing at the "alter" with.

      I remember a former male co-worker, who visited me quite often. I made it plain that I was not interested in dating; however, he continued to visit my work area. He was a Chuck Norris Fan and had competed in several martial arts competitions. He would share pictures of his love interests and martial arts participation. The end of the year arrived and the guy gave me a Xmas present. I was scared to take it for the box felt light. I took it home (un opened) and shared the gifting with with my fiance' [my current husband]. I opened the box and it was a beautiful multi-colored, conservative v-neck cut, sleeveless, pull-over sweater.

      I was relieved it was outer wear for I admit I was afraid the contents would be personal like lingerie. I wore the gift over the holidays, made sure I took a picture with my fiance' - framed the photo with other holiday photos in a photo cube and placed it on my desk along with the photo of my two older children [from a previous marraige] then shared the cube with the male co-worker on his next visit. After sharing the cube, the guy diminished his visits to less frequent.

      I met this male co-worker at the beginning of my employment {April} at a Veterans Hospital, I was clerical support in the Chief, Nurses' Office. I met my current spouse, the same year {October}, I thank Jeshua for sending me my future spouse before receiving the gift from the male co-worker!

    • profile image

      naveen kumar 10 years ago

      An eye-opener to hasty couple.Please wait and tolerate;have a give and take policy.Every family will be fine.

    • profile image

      Marshal Sharam 10 years ago

      The article is very convincing.Indeed, a divorce closes one problem and opens many others.It is better that couple peacefully sit together and coolely discuss what is going wrong with them, and so many remedies will open up themselves.

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